dirkpesterqu 1 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 For some background information, my partner and I have been together for a year and two months. We are both 18 years old. They live around a 5 hour's drive away from me, but I cannot see them often at all. We are both very depressed, have ADHD, and have/likely have autism. We had an honest talk tonight over the phone about where we are headed. They've been extra stressed recently because of college, and haven't been able to express as much affection as they would like in addition to venting to me a Lot. I've been left feeling exhausted and having my emotional needs go unmet. This has been going on for a couple months now, I think. We believe that if this pattern continues we might have to part ways. I'm very in love with this person and I would like to stay with them as long as is healthy. Any advice on how to handle this situation? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MissCanuck 1,068 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 How often do you see each other in person? It sounds like your partner is slowly backing out of the relationship, if I'm being honest. Are you both in treatment for your respective conditions? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Andrina 751 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 It's uncommon for young relationships like this to last a lifetime. Most of the time, people have many dating experiences to find out who is right for them and who isn't. Long distance is one of the hardest types of dating and have a higher rate of failure. And then to have untreated depression on top of that, no wonder there are major problems. Sounds like a good time to let your partner go to concentrate on college and you work on your depression and making a good life for yourself solo for now. Good luck. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 650 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 The only way to make anything work in your life is to be very positive, grateful, thankful, and blessed with what you have, and to not focus on frustration, anger, place blame....rising above the negative is your only answer. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 2,768 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Unfortunately this >>> I've been left feeling exhausted and having my emotional needs go unmet. is inconsistent with this>>> I would like to stay with them as long as is healthy. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SooSad33 426 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 The only way to make anything work in your life is to be very positive, grateful, thankful, and blessed with what you have, and to not focus on frustration, anger, place blame....rising above the negative is your only answer. Things like anger etc is 'Emotions', which is normal and okay. We are emotional beings. Telling someone to 'get over it', etc does not solve anything... but to see & accept that they are 'struggling'. It happens to many. I am sure this person is/ was grateful- but if dealing with some mental issue's, is not a 'fault'. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SooSad33 426 Posted September 18, 2020 Share Posted September 18, 2020 Stressors- from both sides :/... for sure not easy. and yes, it is mentally/emotionally exhausting! I do hope you have been seeking some prof help for your issue's? I have tried a few diff meds and in the past had some ongoing therapy to 'help me work thru things, etc'. Being at a distance IS a struggle when it comes to a real & successful relationship. :(. Maybe have a heart to heart with them.. Ask them to be full- out honest with you. Ask them how they feel.. Do they feel this is also too much? Ask them if they feel you two can do this okay. Do they feel a few hours away is still okay? And what about YOU? You feel it is too much distance? Are they coming back your way in a few months- or staying there? The thing is... is this possible? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Rose Mosse 690 Posted September 19, 2020 Share Posted September 19, 2020 We had an honest talk tonight over the phone about where we are headed. They've been extra stressed recently because of college, and haven't been able to express as much affection as they would like in addition to venting to me a Lot. I've been left feeling exhausted and having my emotional needs go unmet. This has been going on for a couple months now, I think. We believe that if this pattern continues we might have to part ways. Leave the unsolvable relationship issues to rest for the moment and know when to pick your battles. If it's not the right timing, leave it. I agree with Andrina - try and address your separate mental health and other issues and don't be afraid to talk to someone. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 650 Posted September 20, 2020 Share Posted September 20, 2020 Things like anger etc is 'Emotions', which is normal and okay. We are emotional beings. Telling someone to 'get over it', etc does not solve anything... but to see & accept that they are 'struggling'. It happens to many. I am sure this person is/ was grateful- but if dealing with some mental issue's, is not a 'fault'. My meaning doesn't mean "GET over it" it means to try and not let these emotions it take over your life. By being positive can make those differences, even if it is small. It's about changing ones perspective. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Laverne 1 Posted December 4, 2020 Share Posted December 4, 2020 The strongest relationships are the ones in which both partners can be themselves. Intending to change the other person or dramatically changing yourself to fit someone else’s ideals dooms couples to failure. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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