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What would you do?


Talltom89
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A woman and I were very much in love, but we ended up seperating because it was so hard to see each other.

 

Years later we talked again, she and I both have feelings for each other and still think about each other often, but she is married now. She told me how thinking of me and us was keeping her up at night and allot of other things, but I always tried to steer away from talking about "us" to deeply.

 

I have since told her that we can't talk like this anymore, since she is married and we feel the way we do about each other. It's not fair to her or her family and I don't want to cause any hurt.

 

She really is a big deal to me but also is married with a family. I'm totally ok with that and have a kid of my own, but don't want to creat any hardship or trouble for her or her family.

 

Is it wrong for me to start talking to her again and ask if we want to talk about and figure out what we want to happen?

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We ended up going to different schools and had conflicting schedules with limited transportation. We spent most of our last year just talking on the phone for hours a day but it was hard.

 

Now we live close and are able to have a considerable amount of time together everyday if we wanted (even with having kids and not living together).

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Any married person is off limits, regardless of the past history you had with them, when you're playing with fire like flirting, and other wrong reasons. Also, she took vows with that man, so what she is doing to him, is likely what she'd do with you if she left him, you two got together, and she grew bored or unhappy. She is lacking ethics in speaking with you. You are lacking ethics when you know she is married and you continue to talk to her. Two wrongs will blow up in your face.

 

Date single people who are free and clear for a relationship. You can have chemistry with more than one person in the world. And chemistry is only the basic element. Everything else has to be considered, and considering her is wrong. Treat people how you want to be treated and you can't go wrong. If you wouldn't want your wife toying around with an ex, don't participate in an emotional/physical affair yourself.

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To answer your question, I'd stay far far away.

 

It's easy to fantasize about those easier times, care free days, about a relationship that wasn't marred by realities of life - bills, kids, sleepless nights. It can be a seductive fantasy, but one that isn't healthy for either one of you.

 

What you are asking is really should I do things that will lead to cheating. I think you already know that the answer to that is NO.

 

Better to keep those good memories for what they are - pleasant things of the past, but the past belongs in the past. Once you bring it into the present, all that will happen is you'll destroy the pleasant memories and wreck both the past and the present.

 

You've already asked this before, you know the answer, it doesn't seem you want to accept it. So.....in the end it will be her call if she wants to cheat and blow up her family and children's safety and security or if she wakes up and walks away from you fast.

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No one is talking about or considering cheating (emotionally yes). Neither of us want to be that person. Discussing what we want to happen and trying to not base decisions on a fantasy, but weather or not we are happy where we are in life is where our conversations were headed before I said we should stop.

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No one is talking about or considering cheating (emotionally yes). Neither of us want to be that person. Discussing what we want to happen and trying to not base decisions on a fantasy, but weather or not we are happy where we are in life is where our conversations were headed before I said we should stop.

Those are not conversations she should be having with you.

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You posted this before and I'm not sure why some of your responses were deleted or why the thread got shut down. But the advice is the same...just because you're lonely doesn't mean you should attempt to bust up someone else's marriage. And she's wrong too because if she isn't telling her husband about your conversations she is cheating.

 

Have you even considered how her husband might feel about these conversations you two are having? Do you think he would approve? Do you think he would be hurt if he found out?

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That is true and I'm not sure either. I don't think most of those who responded before actually read all that was written, so I used less words this time.

 

So me fleeing my own loneliness isn't an issue, I relish it for make reasons. Giving up that solidarity and freedom is nothing short of a compromise on my part (one in willing to make for the right person).

 

Also yes, I have considered her husband and was not given a clear indication of she was in fact happy, or that he was good to her. She shared allot but couldn't give a straight answer about that so I never pressed when it came up. So no, I don't think he would approve and yes I think he would be upset.

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It doesn't matter if anyone read the whole first post.

 

Bottom line, you are encouraging this woman to cheat on her husband with you. Imagine she's your wife and she's having secret conversations with an ex. You would be totally fine with that? If not, remember the golden rule; don't do to someone else what you wouldn't want done to you.

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You're reconsidering a situation that has not changed.

 

You should not, for yourself, get more involved in this. If she chooses to leave her husband for her own reasons and contacts you that's the only way.

 

Its very common when unhappy in a relationship or marriage to reflect back on the should've. but that is our minds filling in blanks and scenarios that we have no way of knowing.

 

If you should've been together, you would have been. If you're meant to be in the future you will be.

 

Right now, she's married and grasping at

who knows what. Have more respect for yourself and don't allow yourself to be used in this way.

 

Know that you should only be with someone that is actually free and clear to give you a real relationship and commitment.

 

A relationship built on lies and deceit doesn't last and is not true love. She's looking for an escape and probably too weak to go it alone....

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Correct. There has been no encouragement.

 

Maybe re-read and think for a minute before you respond.

 

No need to be rude.

 

You are trying to entice her into talking to you again (emotional cheating) about figuring out what you want to do. Do about what? She's married. If she chooses to leave her marriage on her own that's certainly her choice, but it should be done without any outside influences.

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Consider this. If a man is married to a woman but not good to that woman, the woman and/or the man are not happy and they have children together. The woman then is contacted by someone she once loved and who still cares for her, and she eludes to being unhappy but won't say it outright. The other man wonders if she is for any number of reasons feeling trapped (having kids, a house etc.) or just not secure enough to stand up.

 

Is it wrong for the other man to want to be there and to hope it won't be so bad for her and they can be together again? Furthermore, is it working for the other man to try to figure out what is going on before taking any significant emotional action?

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