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Should I ask him out??


electricorchid
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Hi everyone,

I need a little advice, I matched with this guy 6 months ago who seems to be a really good guy. But because I was so focused on dating this other 34 four year old idiot who was waste of my time I potsponed this guy and put our plans on the backburner (he asked me to dinner and i said forsure but I'll let you know when) and kept using covid as an excuse not to meet up with him. He's my height.. has a handsome face & is the business owner at this place I go to eat at all the time in new york, he's a pretty cool dude overall I'm just now realizing I've been an idiot for not paying attention to him. He replied to my instagram story once and said "ahem, I've been trying to ask you out for the past 10 weeks" and thats when I asked him if he was down to facetime.

 

 

At first I told him we should facetime if our schedules were tough for us to both make it out and gave him my number and all he said was "Cool, I will def. let you know", (& then he never did) but then he sent me other flirtacious texts. I then went to his restaurant on purpose to finally see what he was about and we met while my friends were there. I liked his vibe, but then I went to the bathroom and as I was walking out the alcohol got the best of me and I said some stupid to him like that He hasnt really made an attempt other than texting me flirty things, and that i know we're both busy but that I'm ready when he is or something stupid.

 

I felt like a complete idiot the next day and wrote him "Hi, Dont know what I said to you yesterday but wanted to apologize if I was rude or rambling after I left the bathroom. I got carried away with alcohol but it was lovely to meet you and your place looks great the way you set it up recently. Enjoy your weekend!" I replied to me "Not at all! you were cute, and anyways I like it a little spicy. Haha"

 

 

So..... I have not heard from him since. I've noticed he's stopped watching my instagram like he used to, I messed it all up didnt I?

or is there still a chance I can follow up and ask this guy what he's doing on thursday? I just feel like a hypocrite for going to his restaurant

but then postponing date after date. UGHHH. I'm not perfect you guys, what should I do?

 

My friends are telling me I didnt mess up, and that I was totally normal infront of him but they didnt see the part where I tripped infront of him and rambled to him

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Just relax. But stop chasing so hard. He knows your contact info so allow some room to breathe and time to process.

I then went to his restaurant on purpose to finally see what he was about and we met while my friends were there.

 

I have not heard from him since. I've noticed he's stopped watching my instagram like he used to.

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Maybe he thinks you only decided to try with him because your first choice didn't work out. Is that the case? If the other guy was still interested would you be trying to pursue Restaurant Guy?

 

Anyway, stop the chit chat and Facetiming (waste of time) and ask him for a coffee or ice cream. Worst thing he can do is say no, right?

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Hey, we're all human, right? And, as humans, we all make mistakes. I agree with Wiseman: relax, and give him some space. After a while (and I don't exactly know how long) you might want to reach out to him if he doesn't reach out to you first. If he seems disinterested, don't persist. Gracefully back away. If anything, you'll be in the same spot where you are now. However, if you don't try, you'll never know, right? Good luck, and keep us posted.

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Simple answer to your question: If you want to ask him out—again, clearly, soberly—ask him out. The stakes here could literally not be lower: random dude from an app who seems kind of cool. Your life will be absolutely fine regardless of whether he's down to meet up, or not. Your life will absolutely fine regardless of how meeting up with him—once, twice, whatever—ends up going.

 

Longer answer? You seem to get pretty smitten pretty quick with dudes, or at least smitten with drama of dating. Might be worth finding a way to take a deep breath, so little things (height, FaceTime, IG story views, a goofy exchange at a restaurant) don't seem so consequential. Because all that is actually just noise. Delicious and distracting, sure, but noise. The less seriously we take it, the more seriously people take us.

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IMO when you have a guy that never makes plans to see you, and just sends flirty texts is a time waster...all you got there is a penpal. You want someone with confidence and good solid intentions...this guy ain't it. Remember you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...and first impressions count. Don't lower your value chasing this numb nut.

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IMO when you have a guy that never makes plans to see you, and just sends flirty texts is a time waster...all you got there is a penpal... Don't lower your value chasing this numb nut.

 

 

That's EXACTLY what it's felt like.. just a penpal. never giving me a specific date to hang out etc. just being very vague that he's "attempted" to ask me out which.. yes and no. You're so right... not wasting my time. ALSO he just unfollowed me on instagram so thankgod I didnt

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I don't think he's interested. I wouldn't ask him out. So what if you were honest outside the bathroom. You told him what you really thought and that's that. He didn't mean it when he said "Cool, I will def. let you know" because he didn't let you know. Don't take it too hard either because people like this (business owners) and others in the limelight or interfacing with the public a lot have to keep a cool head and pay a lot of lip service. He doesn't want any bad publicity or things beating back on his restaurant.

 

His spice comment said enough for me. Date someone or pursue people who are interested in you for you and not just for the chase either.

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Have you met in person yet? If not there's no asking out -it's just meeting to see if there should be a date in the future - so see if he'll meet in person -I didn't ask men out typically but I did suggest first meets.

 

She has seen him at his restaurant, where they had a drunken (on her part, not his) conversation. I think they may have talked in person other times but I may be wrong about that.

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IMO when you have a guy that never makes plans to see you, and just sends flirty texts is a time waster...all you got there is a penpal. You want someone with confidence and good solid intentions...this guy ain't it. Remember you date those who treat you the way you want to be treated...and first impressions count. Don't lower your value chasing this numb nut.

Agree!!!!!!!

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So you have been jerking this guy around for 6 months and you wonder why he is acting the way he is.

 

Did you screw up? Yes you did.

 

If you were interested in someone else then you should have just told him. "Hey, I really enjoyed talking to you but I have hit it off with someone else and want to see where it goes" But what you told him without saying it is: "I think your cool but I have this other guy I am more interested in but I want you string you along just in case he doesn't work out"

 

You could have always dated them both at the same time and see which one you preferred and then went from there.

 

Give it 3 weeks to a month and if you haven't heard from him either write him off or call him and tell him you would like a Do - Over and see what he says. No more stalling, no more sassy little texts or remarks just be upfront with the guy.

 

I am surprised he put up with you jerking him around as long as he did.

 

Lost

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