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Opinion on end of relationship with about two years


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(Sorry for my English)

Hello guys, my situation is as follows, I'm 31 years old, my ex-girlfriend is 23, we dated for about 2 years, last year we had a separation for about a month, because I decided to finish with her for my stupidity, there was no serious problem I just got bored and broke up with her. We were not talking for a month, then I contacted her indirectly asking her opinion on certain issues etc., and we kept talking until we rebuilt the connection we had and came back better than ever.

Since that time, we were fine and we had a great relationship until April this year, since then I started to follow my dream of making music and I work a lot and I have a busy life, she felt that I was paying less attention to her and started for telling me to change that, to be more affectionate as I was before, but I felt that I already gave her enough attention, I felt that I was treating her well and, I felt suffocated and continued to focus on my personal projects.

Until at the beginning of last month, when she stay very angry and broke up with me. At the time I accepted the break and reacted normally, I didn't go after her and continued my life normally and 5 days later she came back to me, one day she was coming home from work and she was waiting for me at the door saying she wanted to speak with me. She was in front of me, so I let her in with me at home and let her talk. That day we got well and ended up having sex. The next day, I went to my parents 'house - they live close to her parents' house and, I was talking to her by messages and I told her that I was close to her, she should be waiting for me to ask to be together, but as she didn’t mention it, I left for home without being with her. She got angry again, she called me to ask me if I didn't feel the same way about her and I said that she has break with me and that changes things, and that maybe things would never be the same as before- I said that so she wouldn't think that can end whenever she wants and that there are no consequences. Unfortunately, it made her very angry, she said that I had humiliated her and that I didn't need to play with her feelings like that. And she said we had better finish it for good. I said that I did not play with her feelings and that she had not been humiliated because it was her attitude of coming to look for me that made me accept her back but, I accepted her decision to end again.

Since that day - 07/09/2020, I have been in zero contact for about a month. After that time, I sent her a message to try to create a certain emotional disarm in her. She responded coldly, despite everything she answered. I walked away for a few more days and, I returned a few days ago to have more activity online, with posts of positive activities that I do etc, I have been sending subtle messages for her not to think I want to go back with her, but as she remains very cold , I tried to let her guard down, I asked us to be just friends, but she is still very cold. I talked to her a little yesterday, we told some jokes, then I walked away so as not to upset her, later I sent her a picture of a cool place that I went, suggesting that it was a good place for her to walk one day, she he only thanked the suggestion in a cold and short phrase. I went away again, today I still haven't talked to her and, I intend not to talk to her for about 2/3 days. What do you advise me to do in my case? She answers me coldly but always answers me ... there were times when we said some jokes .. but she opens up very little and that creates a lot of anxiety. I have emotional control but it all costs a lot.

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Unfortunately you're not compatible. You're also uninterested in a relationship, except when it's convenient to you. You seem to push her away constantly and only see her when it sutis you.

 

It would be best to stop playing games and just end it. You may find someone you don't feel so "bored" with or "smothered" by. Clearly you are cold about her, so why bother?

I'm 31 years old,

 

I just got bored and broke up with her.

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Leave her alone. When you break up with someone there's a flaw in trust from that point onwards. It takes a lot of effort and trust and two people on the same page to be able to repair that or reconcile again. It doesn't sound like either of you learned from the past mistakes or were able to bridge any gaps from the previous break up. You showed her that you can't be trusted by your "stupidity" and showed her, really, how untrustworthy you are in a relationship. That trust is broken. Trying to get back into her life isn't going to make things better for you or her. She doesn't trust you anymore so her hot/cold is not surprising.

 

Get out of that manipulative or calculating mindset that any number of days not talking to someone might get them to want you back. Work on yourself, your music, your self-esteem and other things to help you feel better about yourself. Until you feel good about where you're at in your own life you're never going to trust or treat someone the way they ought to be treated. You're not entitled to anyone's trust after you've shown them that you don't deserve it.

 

Learn from the mistakes, keep your chin up and don't get so down about the break up either that you sink into a hole and can't work on your personal or professional goals. Keep going and learn from this experience.

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If you care at all about her you'd leave her alone.

I actually got a little angry reading your post.

You weren't that invested the first time and ended it. For reasons I don't understand you reached back out and reconciled. You share your reluntance and how you werent really in the relationship while not being out of it either. She finally has enough of feeling neglected and ends it once and for all.

Now you are bugging her again to 'disarm' her? But it doesn't seem you don't want to reconcile ? I think you just want her to want you.

 

Please, don't be selfish and leave this poor woman alone to find someone who will give her the love she deserves and the love you did not.

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You act quite emotionless, act passively, and try to lure her back with cryptic intentions...why? Is your ego that big? That you can't just spend some time and try to understand where she is coming from? She's upset that you completely dismissed her, then you pull her back in half assed, then put in little effort into the relationship, because you are "too busy". Just let her be, you can't give her what she wants/needs, so bother? TBH I don't blame her being cold...she's done being treated this way.

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