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Ignoring my messages


Fhaorudna
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Hello everyone,

 

Basically I have been online dating my bf for 7month now due to covid we havnt managed to meet up. But he has a habit when hes with his friends to not message me at all or reply to any of my messages. In the past if he goes away he wont tell me and just go saying it was last minute or that he was busy and only after not messaging for a few days and me sending angry messaged only then he will reply. We argued about this then and he apologised and promised it wudnt happen again ovcourse it happened again and the same story we argued and he promised never again.

 

He has delayed coming to see me because he says he cant get time of work. A few weeks go by talking as normal then all of a sudden over the weakened he hardly messages me and then he doesnt message me at all or reply to any of my messages although I have seen him come online multiple times for long periods of time. I then send an angry text implying if he no longer wants to be with me to just be Frank about it and just tell me. Ect.. to which he replied and told me his friend forced him on a last minute holiday for a week and that hes been so busy he hasnt had any time to message me. And that he hasnt even been on what's all even tho I have screenshots of him being online. I asked him how he manages to go on a last minute holiday when to me he says it's really hard to book time off he just said he managed.

 

I then phoned him and we began arguing about why he didnt message to let me know hes going on holiday. I've told him so many times even if he messages to say I'm going to be busy over the next few days we might nit get much if a chance to talk that's fine with me it's the leaving me out of the loop completely and expecting me not to get angry is the annoying bit but he just doesnt seem to understand I was crying on the phone and his priority was to go out partying. He left me crying on the phone so he could go with his friends. He then promised to call me later that night but he never did nit even a simple text or anything for 2 days then I send another angry message saying I want to end it because I dont deserve to be treated the way hes treating me. And his response was just why are you creating soo much drama. Since then there has been no communication and i know he wont until hes back from holiday.

 

He comes back on sunday I dont know if when he comes back I should ignore his messages for a few days so he can have a taste of his own medicine or just reply and fight it out. Or should I just end it with him. I do love him but I dont want him to think he can just get away with it.

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OP, you are wasting your time with this guy.

 

He has lost interest in having an online relationship and it shows. He appears to enjoy your attention when it suits him but it is very obvious he doesn't take this anywhere near as seriously as you do. No amount of angry messages or tears is going to change that.

 

Just end it with him. You're expending far too much emotional energy on a guy who is practically indifferent to you at this point. It's not going to work.

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So, you belong with someone who communicates with you as often as you like, and he belongs with someone who has a really independent life of her own, who is okay with periods of time with no contact.

 

I then send an angry text implying if he no longer wants to be with me to just be Frank about it and just tell me Why would you leave the ball in his court? If you had any self-worth, you would've told him the relationship isn't working for you because of the issue. If he cared, he'd improve with the knowledge you expect to be treated as a treasure, and if not, you'll be just find going solo again. There's never need for angry outbursts because that technique doesn't work to get what you want, and if experienced regularly, is bad for your health.

 

IMO, people who seek to date long distance either have something to hide, or don't make good partners and nobody locally will date them, or they aren't ready for a serious/local relationship.

 

Work on yourself, boosting your self worth, and date locally. You should have a higher rate of success that way, or can know to cut bait far sooner when things don't pan out.

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I do love him but I dont want him to think he can just get away with it.

 

This part here you have to heal or get out of this line of thinking. Don't seek to change anyone. I agree with the others - he's not interested anymore. I think you're coming across as vindictive and bitter now and he's avoiding this about you because it's too negative to handle. Teaching him a lesson is not useful and please don't sink to the same level as him. All you're doing is proving to him and yourself how little you think of yourself because you'll be a hypocrite then.

 

When someone keeps using the excuse that they are busy day after day or weekend after weekend, that person is avoiding you. Trust your instincts on this one and don't communicate anymore with him.

 

If dating this year is challenging, don't date this year. Be smart about things and don't stoop so low just because he's whatever is out there at this time and you're lonely. Spend time on yourself and take a big step back from this. Once the dust settles and you start spending time away from this person, you'll see how pale this is compared to what you might be looking for in a fulfilling relationship.

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Get away with what? Stop telling him how much he hurts you when he ignores you and pay attention to what his actions are telling you. He's not as invested as you are and getting upset doesn't ever change that. You've asked for change repeatedly and you just get more of the same.

Stop wasting your time with someone who's just not that into you.

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OMG! He is not your bf, you haven't even met him! You are verbally abusive to him much of the time. He is not interested in you. He may well be married or living with a girl!!! You are wasting your time with this guy.

 

You cant have a "relationship" with someone you have never met! Time to move on and find a real guy in your area.

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His just an emotional fantasy. This isn't working out for a reason....it's not a real relationship. You have never met, you can't possibly really know someone unless you actually are in their life, being with them, sharing time together, meeting friends, family. Your feelings are real yes, but they are misplaced. It's time to let him go...it's going to be very difficult to do, it's going to be painful, but it's the best thing you can do for yourself. As it stands this is very unhealthy, it's codependency. Break free! Dump his a$$!

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If I was you I would delete this guy’s number to save you the temptation of texting him when he gets back from his trip

He clearly isn’t interested or he’s just purely selfish and doesn’t think to consider your feelings but I wouldn’t waste another second on him!

It’s not a relationship if he only thinks about himself and as you’ve never met and he’s constantly making excuses so he doesn’t have to meet up with you, surely that is raising some red flags! He’s either got major commitment issues or he’s already in a relationship - get out now!

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You can put a positive spin on it - you managed to squeeze 7 months out of calling someone you never met your "boyfriend." Great to have that when needing to share the status with friends and family. Probably the drama and arguments were somehow satisfying to have some sort of interaction with a guy as well. But now he's clearly had enough. Make it a good breakup, maybe introduce a new digital dude to the picture for one final angry outburst to end this.

 

Hopefully, when things return to the opportunity to meet someone in-person, you do not only keep it online.

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A key element of any relationship is communication. He doesn't communicate. In an age where people can't seem to put down their phones, he is not able to find a minute to call, email, or text to let you know he is busy or just to say he is thinking of you? He disappears for days at a time. And when confronted, it is turned around on you for causing drama. He is not treating you with respect. If it is someone I care about, I make the time. I find a way to call, chat, Zoom, text, whatever I can arrange. Because I put the relationship first. Even if it's just five minutes, that five minutes means something to me and to the other person. You deserve to have that in a relationship. You have also been very reasonable, willing to accept not talking as long as he gives you a heads up that he is busy. But he's not even willing to compromise to that degree.

 

Don't ignore his messages. Lowering yourself to his level isn't the way to go. Call him out for what he's done and how he's made you feel. Then it would be best to end it. If you continue "seeing" him, that is letting him get away with it. You should be with someone who will respect you more, and he should have to be faced with losing someone because of his behavior.

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