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Meeting someone with specific science interests


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I am heavily into being a scientist, and like someone interested in particular areas including primarily neuroscience, math, and programming, and secondarily molecular biology and engineering. I realize these are very specific interests, but am wondering does anyone know what would be some good ways and places to meet a woman with those interests?

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I'm just putting this out there - are you sure you're not trying to replace friends for romance? If you have a good group of friends/cohorts/coworkers you can bounce off of on these topics, why would you need to be so strict regarding these specific interests in a partner? It seems a bit constrained or restrictive? I wouldn't be able to date another accountant (I tried).

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Whittle down your search online. Also, universities, research, scientific clubs and organizations and networking.

 

Thanks, something like the society for neuroscience will have promoted lectures and workshops. I think making contacts that may know others I may be interested in could be helpful. I guess getting to know friends and colleagues could eventually help me find someone, if I don't initially meet such a person at an event. I think perhaps looking at it as playing the long game could be good. Trying to act too quickly, without establishing relationships, could cause awkwardness if something didn't go well at a certain club etc. Then again, I try to not overthink things too much.

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I hear what you are saying, but it is my opinion that someone will not truly understand me without sharing those interests. I appreciate that people often advise looking others in a way that is past what they do for a living, but for me the work is not just a job. It is something I find my personality connects with in a fundamental way, and is a community of people that I relate to in a deep way. That said, I realize I am making things hard by creating such constraints, but I think that if I could not talk about these things with a partner, then they would be missing a crucial part of who I am.

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Honestly, sometimes the best match for us is someone who is not competitively the same as us. Take my guy and I. I had careers in the performing arts, writing, editing. He's a dyslexic and in a skilled trade. He wasn't much of a reader because it was frustrating when he was a kid. Now he reads novels. He gets me away from my desk. He's grounded, a saver and practical. I am a bit more of risk taker. When I dated guys who were very similar in interests, we had nothing left to talk about because we knew the same stuff, and they tended to be very critical of my work and competitive with me. He talks to strangers easily where I do not.

 

If a woman is intellectually curious but not a scientist, you could have really engaging conversations and learn a lot from eachother. She could open a whole new world for you. Be open minded. Put yourself out there.

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Thanks for the tip. I am in a PhD program now, and I was planning on meeting people at events but covid-19 happened. I thought it could be good to gain info now about approaches that can be used once things open up again in the future. It took me longer than some to take the plunge and do the PhD, deciding on academia instead of industry, so I am somewhat older than some students. That said, I humbly say that were I to be fortunate enough to meet someone who fit my interests well, I think I am someone worth that person having a relationship with. It is a factor that I am somewhat older, but I think the biggest challenge is really finding someone who I connect with well in a psychological way, rather than age to an extent. I will try to date someone close to my age if that opportunity presents itself, and early thirties in particular would be nice for keeping in mind starting a family.

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Thank you for the suggestion, and I understand your point, but respectfully a goal of the question I am asking is to meet someone with these interests. Opposites don't always attract. Having a fear of professional disagreement does not appear to me to be something that should prevent me from pursuing someone with closely connected science interests. While I appreciate that your suggestion that people of different interests can attract, I am confident that in my case the same interests will be the preferred fit for me.

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Are you on Twitter? Great place to keep up on news in science and chat with other academics. Good way to make new professional connections and friends, and expand your social circle. I’m not suggesting you start asking people out on social media but it would be a good way to connect with others with similar interests and perhaps romance can blossom off line or the new friends you make could set you up, etc ...

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I hear what you are saying, but it is my opinion that someone will not truly understand me without sharing those interests. I appreciate that people often advise looking others in a way that is past what they do for a living, but for me the work is not just a job. It is something I find my personality connects with in a fundamental way, and is a community of people that I relate to in a deep way. That said, I realize I am making things hard by creating such constraints, but I think that if I could not talk about these things with a partner, then they would be missing a crucial part of who I am.

 

I hear you. Well, maybe being patient until next year is a start. There's no rush, right?

 

I think the good ones are in hiding right now with the pandemic still rife.

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@RoseMosse I agree that it will take patience before I can really get out and about. It is a good time for planning ideas of what to do when things open up more. Also, I will further consider your point that someone not in the field but has a good attitude about it and intellectual curiosity could perhaps be at least as good as someone already involved in it. I just get concerned if there was someone who didn't want to talk about the interests because I would feel limited in some ways because of that.

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Oh I think you are meaning abitbroken's point. She had a very good point about that. So much so I gave her a rep! I'm quoting it.

 

Honestly, sometimes the best match for us is someone who is not competitively the same as us. Take my guy and I. I had careers in the performing arts, writing, editing. He's a dyslexic and in a skilled trade. He wasn't much of a reader because it was frustrating when he was a kid. Now he reads novels. He gets me away from my desk. He's grounded, a saver and practical. I am a bit more of risk taker. When I dated guys who were very similar in interests, we had nothing left to talk about because we knew the same stuff, and they tended to be very critical of my work and competitive with me. He talks to strangers easily where I do not.

 

If a woman is intellectually curious but not a scientist, you could have really engaging conversations and learn a lot from eachother. She could open a whole new world for you. Be open minded. Put yourself out there.

 

Don't worry. There are good people or people with similar interests and a curiosity too. Things will fall into place as long as you have a similar curiosity also for other interests and learning. People might want to know more about you - ie. what are you underneath your immediate passions for science. I don't have much of a problem meeting people with similar intellectual curiosities. My challenges are more in the spiritual realm and finding someone who shares that faith or practices it in the same way. Everyone has some sort of dealbreaker or starting point so don't feel bad or shy about having standards either.

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Your classes, your professional groups clubs and organisations.

 

Keep in mind if this is for dating purposes, you don't need to have identical professional interests.

I am heavily into being a scientist, and like someone interested in particular areas including primarily neuroscience, math, and programming, and secondarily molecular biology and engineering. I realize these are very specific interests, but am wondering does anyone know what would be some good ways and places to meet a woman with those interests?
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With all due respect, you need to come off your high horse and expect that only special people will understand you and that your profession is so amazing that women have to admire and be enraptured by it.

 

Strive for someone who is your equal as far as intelligence socioeconomics etc.

 

What you are looking for with this description is a fan who'll sit there entralled by your profession. Not an equal partner with thier own unique interests and life.

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Thank you for the suggestion, and I understand your point, but respectfully a goal of the question I am asking is to meet someone with these interests. Opposites don't always attract. Having a fear of professional disagreement does not appear to me to be something that should prevent me from pursuing someone with closely connected science interests. While I appreciate that your suggestion that people of different interests can attract, I am confident that in my case the same interests will be the preferred fit for me.

 

We are not opposites. We have the same world view and many other similarities. People in my field tend to have a faith and worldview that is not always healthily respectful of mine, but we have differences that compliment and complete eachother's strengths. Don't look for a clone of you is what i mean.

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We are not opposites. We have the same world view and many other similarities. People in my field tend to have a faith and worldview that is not always healthily respectful of mine, but we have differences that compliment and complete eachother's strengths. Don't look for a clone of you is what i mean.

 

Exactly- not at all about opposites attract. Totally agree on the complementing each other. I will also share this -keep this in mind. If you have a family with someone and follow "convention" she may very well leave the field for a longer time than a maternity leave and might not be as interested in those interests especially as a new mother. Or, for those reasons or others she may decide to leave the field and pursue something entirely different like law or social work or teaching. So then what -if her outside interests shift or change do you leave her then? I love my field. My husband is in the same one. But over 20 years ago he left one job in our field (which I also had) to pursue a totally different path in our field.

 

Then, years later after we married I left completely for 7 years to raise our son. When I returned it was part time and still is. I continued to have an interest in our field and I have always been interested in his path and I "get it" but more as an outsider. Works great. Motherhood/parenthood topics mostly bore him and often fascinate me - so luckily I have friends who also find it fascinating. He's fascinated with Star Trek and I try to watch some for him but - no thanks. We're not opposites (other than coffee -for some bizarre reason I married a non-coffee drinker!!) - we're just individual human beings -and common values and goals and often religion can be really important -compatible levels of intelligence and curiosity and senses of humor -but if you narrow yourself this much just be aware that people grow and change.

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@wiseman2 thanks for the advice. I think your recommendation relates to me being willing to expand my interests to several different ones of someone else, and consider those interests similarly compelling. I will have to consider within myself if I want to take the time to appreciate those different areas. While on the surface one could say, there are so many interesting areas of knowledge to pursue, any additional ones can be great. However, having too many areas of interest in my opinion can dilute a lot how far someone can go in each. There may be some middle ground, where a few of my interests are shared, and I need to appreciate a few others. I see myself less looking for a "fan" but more of at least an "acceptor" of my high interest in the areas. This is because for that person's sake, I don't know if they would be happy with me being so invested in the areas, and them being disinterested in frequently hearing me talk about that.

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@abitbroken I hear your point that the opposite gender is inherently different so I should appreciate the differences rather than expecting things to be too close. I think picking and choosing what I am willing to give up to be replaced with other types of interests is complex challenge. I'm just not that much of a serendipitous person where I take things as they come and see if I get a pleasant surprise. I have found that making a reasonably well thought through choice about a long-term commitment is more likely to be agreeable with me over time. Therefore, I would be more interested in deliberately choosing to forgo interests than generally assuming swapping out some number in general.

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@Batya33 while there are some interests that change over time, I think it is smart to try to find someone with at least a few shared core values or interests that are likely to remain the same. Yes, people change and grow, but in my opinion, one should know who they are getting in a relationship to at least an extent to commit to many years or a lifetime with that person. I wouldn't expect someone to always be active in keeping up with the interests but I would like them to still be interested in having conversations about them. This is of course specific to each person's individual tastes, some people like or feel the need to reinvent themselves over time. But having an idea about how consistent one's own interests will be overtime, based on their experience with them over years, is a good basis to decide how much to commit to them in the future compared to the desire to explore new ones.

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With all due respect, you need to come off your high horse and expect that only special people will understand you and that your profession is so amazing that women have to admire and be enraptured by it.

 

Strive for someone who is your equal as far as intelligence socioeconomics etc.

 

What you are looking for with this description is a fan who'll sit there entralled by your profession. Not an equal partner with thier own unique interests and life.

 

This is what i was trying to say but did not manage to say it so precisely.

Similar family background goes along way (not as far as money but as far as worldviews) - there could be a woman who tinkered with science but whose family did not have the means for her to go to MIT and become a professional scientist but she can converse about it, etc and is highly intelligent. You could meet a woman who has a zest for life, is curious about the world, and gets you to lighten up sometimes and inspires you to develop your creative side. You can both appreciate eachother's accomplishments without being critical of eachother.

 

Seems you want a lab assistant

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@Batya33 while there are some interests that change over time, I think it is smart to try to find someone with at least a few shared core values or interests that are likely to remain the same. Yes, people change and grow, but in my opinion, one should know who they are getting in a relationship to at least an extent to commit to many years or a lifetime with that person. I wouldn't expect someone to always be active in keeping up with the interests but I would like them to still be interested in having conversations about them. This is of course specific to each person's individual tastes, some people like or feel the need to reinvent themselves over time. But having an idea about how consistent one's own interests will be overtime, based on their experience with them over years, is a good basis to decide how much to commit to them in the future compared to the desire to explore new ones.

 

Core values are different than hobbies and interest. Core values are faith, the level of importance family is, valuing education, etc. What if someone wanted to date someone because of their shared love of horses, one gets into a life altering riding accident, can no longer ride, and is fearful of going near a horse? If they chose someone based on their same interest, what happens to the relationship after one no longer shares an interest?

 

My interests have not been consistent over time. I have gone from being on the stage, to being interested in learning accounting and not imagining ever going back to the stage, to going out every night to being a homebody. What has not changed are my core values of what my faith is, what kind of family i came from, etc.

 

I think you should look for a woman who has the same goals as far as having a family or not, settling in a particular area of the country, a compatible faith and view of the world and go on coffee dates. What if you meet a woman who dedicates her life to science, but has no room for you because she shuts herself in a lab and shuts you out? If you both know the same stuff, what is there left to talk about?

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@abitbroken I hear your point that the opposite gender is inherently different so I should appreciate the differences rather than expecting things to be too close. I think picking and choosing what I am willing to give up to be replaced with other types of interests is complex challenge. I'm just not that much of a serendipitous person where I take things as they come and see if I get a pleasant surprise. I have found that making a reasonably well thought through choice about a long-term commitment is more likely to be agreeable with me over time. Therefore, I would be more interested in deliberately choosing to forgo interests than generally assuming swapping out some number in general.

 

Have you ever had a girlfriend?

have you ever been in love?

 

What on paper I think what my ideal should be and what turns my head are not necessarily the same.

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