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do people wish their exes happy birthday?


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We didn't have an ugly break up, it was mutual, but we're not really friends. His birthday isn't for a few more days, but one of my friends asked if I was going to wish him a happy birthday still. I remembered he put a lot of effort into my birthday when we were together, I figured a birthday text wishing him well wouldn't be horrible contact. The more I think about it the more I think it'd be rude not to, but I keep seeing stuff about people using holidays/quarantine/events(birthdays) as a reason to check in and cause pain but that's not really the vibe here.

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This is one of those questions where... if you have to ask, it's probably not just a 'happy birthday' and it's bigger in your mind than it should be. For that reason, no, don't go down that route. You're already ruminating and worried about how it'll be misinterpreted which means it's a bad idea. Don't do it if you're thinking so hard on something that shouldn't warrant that much thought in the first place.

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Ask yourself this:

 

How will you feel if you get a generic, “Hey, thanks! Hope you’re well!” in return?

 

Or a vague outline of a birthday celebration, that you’re no longer part of?

 

Or no reply at all?

 

While such a message from you might be warmly received, I would consider how any of the above scenarios might affect you. How long have you been broken up?

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We broke up around early June. We're civil to each other and have a few mutual friends. Have had a couple interactions, nothing negative but nothing out of the ordinary for two people being nice to each other. Like, there's no ill-will towards one another but I do think I'd be more inclined to be irritated by absolutely no response. I'm remembering one of my exes texted me happy birthday well after we broke up (about a year) and his friend warned me it was an attempt to weasel his way back into my life. I don't necessisarily want that. I'm not opposed to someday being acquantanced friends since we have mutuals, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that anytime soon, so perhaps avoiding it all together is best. Thanks all!

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I am divorced since January 2019 (and the dumpee) after a 29 year marriage. The divorce was amicable but we were in NC after his "announcement" and ever since. He actually had the gall to send me a Happy Birthday text last year (August) and all it did was get me very upset. Personally, I would have preferred that he hadn't sent it. Did he feel guilt? Who knows, who cares. He knew better this year.

 

That said, I will echo what the other poster have said: don't send a text. Cut all ties and move on. End of story.

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He's going to know you still want him, which could make the next "interaction" awkward if he doesn't also want to reconcile.

 

Like I said, are there other people you just briefly interact with who you go out of your way to wish happy birthday to?

 

If not, then it's pretty clear you are hoping to reconnect. If that's the case, why not tell him that instead of clouding it under the guise of a birthday wish?

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Sending such a text in the vast majority of cases is liable to open back the wound of the break up. Imo, nothing good comes out of it. Once you break up with someone, the healthy thing in order to move on is to go no contact. Period. Plus, in a way, such lukewarm communication is kind of a demotion of what once was. In my experience, it is so NOT worth it.

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Agree with other posters here. Your ex is a part of your past. Leave those relationships where they belong. Besides, the likelyhood that you'll get a reply (b/c that's what you're really looking for) is next to zero. The likelyhood that you'll get a reply but not the one you want is almost just as low. In any case this will just upset you. I would also be annoyed if I heard from my ex on my birthday.

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I do think I'd be more inclined to be irritated by absolutely no response. I'm remembering one of my exes texted me happy birthday well after we broke up (about a year) and his friend warned me it was an attempt to weasel his way back into my life. I don't necessisarily want that. I'm not opposed to someday being acquantanced friends since we have mutuals, but I'm not sure I'm ready for that anytime soon, so perhaps avoiding it all together is best.!

Looks like you answered your own question. Leave it be. No text message. NC.

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The sure sign that you are over someone is when you can do the things a friend would do (such as say happy birthday) and not have it bring up bad feelings. Then you know you've truly moved on. If you are comfortable with it, then it's a good gesture to make. If it would hurt you more, you shouldn't.

 

Personally, I was glad when the girl that hurt me contacted me again. It helped me see that I didn't feel anything more towards her and there was no ill feelings or regret.

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There's no set answer for example exes who share kids might . People who are over each other but still have to have some cordial interaction, etc

 

In your case, you expect a reply so you're more invested than you want to admit to yourself and at some level you want to stay on his radar.

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why do you want to wish him? why you are getting such feelings?

whats the purpose of wishing someone who is is not part of your life anymore?

Do you want to be friends with him?

Are you feeling lonely and need to talk to him?

Let it pass, it wont do you any good...

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