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Ex but sort of not is having a baby


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Hi everyone.

I will cut a very long story short.

I was with my ex for 3 years, split for 4 and due to an emotional trauma he was back in my life this year. We’ve had some issue, some my fault.

The biggest is that when we came back into each other’s lives, he was having a baby with his ex girlfriend. Not just a baby, twins.

There’s no love between them in a relationship sense, he wanted to be with me but every doubt you may have when you read this, I’ve already had.

This week we had a big argument because my emotions truly got the best of me and I said some nasty things.

We aren’t really speaking and I told him to forget about it as I knew his ex was going to have the babies. She’s in hospital today having the caesarean , I still have his family on Facebook. I don’t know anything other than that and don’t know if he’ll message me once the babies are here, I don’t know if I want him to.

I of course have said over and over that he should give things a go with his ex for the sake of the babies but he said he couldn’t just do it for that reason. Now I’m alone at home and thinking of the two of them in hospital and I just feel...numb.

Has anyone been through anything similar? I’m unsure why I’m even posting this, I think as a way of just releasing this

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Jeez, a year ago you wrote this:

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=562221

 

Does he live with this alleged "ex"? And if he has no love for her why did he have sex with her unprotected and have children with her? Would you have sex and children with a guy you didn't love?

 

Side note, please use protection when you have sex with him including a method for you and condoms for him. You don't need to be having any children with him.

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Sorry to hear this. It sounds like he's on/off with his GF/baby mama. Don't get mixed up in it. Cut your loses and get out now so you don't have to go down a road of heartache ahead.

The biggest is that when we came back into each other’s lives, he was having a baby with his ex girlfriend.

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The second he started dating someone else, is the day you should have walked and kept walking.

 

This guy has no idea who or what he cares about. I won't use the word love, because it doesn't sound like he loves either one of you, he is just running back and forth between you both.

 

I can't even imagine how she is feeling, giving birth to his children, while he runs back to you and then her. I bet he has said all the same things to her as he has to you.

Why either one of you is giving this creep the time of day, I have no idea.

 

He left you, he dated someone else, he got her pregnant. Is that not enough? Why on earth would you want this man at all? He had you and threw you away, even went as far to impregnate someone else.

 

You need to leave already and move on. You're not going to find happiness here.

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Hi everyone.

I will cut a very long story short.

I was with my ex for 3 years, split for 4 and due to an emotional trauma he was back in my life this year. We’ve had some issue, some my fault.

The biggest is that when we came back into each other’s lives, he was having a baby with his ex girlfriend. Not just a baby, twins.

There’s no love between them in a relationship sense, he wanted to be with me but every doubt you may have when you read this, I’ve already had.

This week we had a big argument because my emotions truly got the best of me and I said some nasty things.

We aren’t really speaking and I told him to forget about it as I knew his ex was going to have the babies. She’s in hospital today having the caesarean , I still have his family on Facebook. I don’t know anything other than that and don’t know if he’ll message me once the babies are here, I don’t know if I want him to.

I of course have said over and over that he should give things a go with his ex for the sake of the babies but he said he couldn’t just do it for that reason. Now I’m alone at home and thinking of the two of them in hospital and I just feel...numb.

Has anyone been through anything similar? I’m unsure why I’m even posting this, I think as a way of just releasing this

 

Terrible. Why would you get involved with someone under these circumstances. It's like dipping yourself in sewage. I feel bad for the mother of his children, and his children.

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The numbness you're feeling is in response to shock and pain, possibly disbelief. This person is having a family with another woman which means a lifetime of co-parenting and all your lives have changed moving forward. Both of you may have history and it's not to say that people can't restart their lives but this is doing it in all the wrong ways, OP. You're enabling him and allowing him to monkey branch from one serious relationship to another (you) to escape whatever issues he has with the mother of his kids or his ex. What does that make you? Just a tool for someone else's problems but you're not going to be able to fix him or the current situation. Those are his commitments and that's his life. However he chooses to treat you or the mother of his kids, that's him showing you exactly what he is in his decisions and choices.

 

What are you looking for? Is it the idea of your ex when things were simpler or before he met someone else or before the kids? Try and go over your reasons for missing him or wanting him in your life. Is it out of sheer sadness and wanting the past back? What I'm asking or approaching in this is the topic of denial. Living in denial is no joke. There's a different way to doing things and that's accepting when someone or something (a situation) isn't healthy for you and recognizing your own shortcomings or blinders in the process.

 

What led to this point? Why were you so vulnerable that you weren't able to see this person for all the bad decisions he's making? I'm asking as a stranger looking in and these are just hypothetical questions, by the way.

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I know a guy who pulled this same garbage except he was living with his ex while dating someone else. He ended up getting both the girlfriend AND the ex pregnant within a couple of months of each other. Now he has very little of his paycheck left for himself because he has to support both kids. He had to move back in with his mother.

 

Although he may feel studly for having two women who want him, it's really just his ego overriding his common sense. And it should be a major red flag that he's capable of selfish and deceitful behaviors such as these. I don't understand how you can find a lying cheater attractive.

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He’s just spoken with me. He’s used a name that we discussed using if we ever had a son. It may sound so childish but I am absolutely heartbroken by this. I’ve blocked him, how low can you be

 

So the lying and cheating were OK with you but using a certain name for his baby bothers you?

 

At any rate, I hope you keep him blocked permanently. This guy is no prize.

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I know a guy who pulled this same garbage except he was living with his ex while dating someone else. He ended up getting both the girlfriend AND the ex pregnant within a couple of months of each other. Now he has very little of his paycheck left for himself because he has to support both kids. He had to move back in with his mother.

 

Although he may feel studly for having two women who want him, it's really just his ego overriding his common sense. And it should be a major red flag that he's capable of selfish and deceitful behaviors such as these. I don't understand how you can find a lying cheater attractive.

 

Thankfully, they had the common sense to dump him!

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Thankfully, they had the common sense to dump him!

 

But they didn't. They both wanted him but things got complicated with the babies.

 

He now has a new girlfriend (eye roll...). I hope he has enough sense to use condoms, but his type generally doesn't.

 

PS: Funny thing is, I asked him if he would want his daughter to date a guy like him and he said "No way!" Funny how that works.

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But they didn't. They both wanted him but things got complicated with the babies.

 

He now has a new girlfriend (eye roll...). I hope he has enough sense to use condoms, but his type generally doesn't.

 

PS: Funny thing is, I asked him if he would want his daughter to date a guy like him and he said "No way!" Funny how that works.

 

How sad for the kids.

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Did the ex get pregnant while they were still together and then they broke up? I'm reading it as you two were broken up and he was in another relationship that involved her getting pregnant. Then they realized it wasn't working and broke up. While that is unfortunate and not ideal, it can happen. Doesn't make anyone a bad guy though. It doesn't seem like he wants to be with the ex and that they aren't going to be happy together. But they are now forever linked due to the children.

 

Also, you seem to be the one pushing him away. You said as much in your previous post and this time you admit to saying nasty things. Why do you think you do this? I don't mean to put it all on you. This is a sticky situation all around. He needs to figure out if he can make the other relationship work and put his children first. While you should look at yourself and ask what it is you want from a relationship. Can he provide that for you? Or will this other woman being in the picture (not necessarily romantically but due to the children) be an issue? Do you even want a relationship right now or would you be better off on your own? At the end of the day you need to do what will make you happy. So take this time to figure out what that is.

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No he’s not living with her, I think he will be for a few weeks because she’s had a caesearean section. They weren’t together when they conceived, they briefly came together again when they found out and split again. I have had a lot of other issues this year and my best friend lives in Malta, an old flame of mine is also there. When he spoke to me last night I told him my friend has offered for me to go and stay there and he has blocked me as he says I’m running off to be with my old flame. So I guess I have no option but to put this behind me. It’s just very weird after being involved over 7 years, it’s a heavy door to close

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The second he started dating someone else, is the day you should have walked and kept walking.

 

This guy has no idea who or what he cares about. I won't use the word love, because it doesn't sound like he loves either one of you, he is just running back and forth between you both.

 

I can't even imagine how she is feeling, giving birth to his children, while he runs back to you and then her. I bet he has said all the same things to her as he has to you.

Why either one of you is giving this creep the time of day, I have no idea.

 

He left you, he dated someone else, he got her pregnant. Is that not enough? Why on earth would you want this man at all? He had you and threw you away, even went as far to impregnate someone else.

 

You need to leave already and move on. You're not going to find happiness here.

I second this post in its entirety. What a selfish creep (sorry). I really feel for those babies and their mother. You should head for the hills and never look back.

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