How I feel.

[Keo]

I'm sorry, if this is not the right forum.

 

I've been searching all night for someone to talk to. I have AOL, ICQ, YAHOO and MSN messanger and not one person on to talk to.

 

I went to Yahoo chat, but it's a joke, nobody in there is really interested in chatting. It's full of people whose goal is to either try to find someone to talk dirty with or start a argument with. Of all rooms that I thought I might find someone to talk with, the Religion / christian rooms are the worse.. My mom always is telling me I need to go to church, that it will help me with this internal void I feel. But when I go to these chat rooms, the internets online representation of religioius people gathering to talk, I see what it's really all about.

 

Right now, I feel on the verge of tears.. and I really don't know why.. it's sort of a the more you think about it, the more you feel it thing.. but why should I be sad. It's probablly just me feeling sorry for myself. Isn't that usually what it's about.

 

At this point I don't want to scare anyone, so I'll tell you now, I'm not sucidial or thinking of anything along those lines.. thats not what this is about.

 

I guess my problem is I'm alone.. but considering how I feel right now, that seems to be oversimplying the issue.

 

I moved away from home when I started college, after college I've been moving around everytime I get a job. 6 years ago, I moved to LA, away from friends and Family. Then 3 years ago I moved farther away to San Diego.. I do have friends from work now, good friends.. but not close friends like I used to have. I doubt I will ever have that again.

 

As far as girlfriends.. I've been dating off and on, but all relationships ended for one reason or another, but it's actually been almost a year since I've "offically" been with someone. I guess thats alot of whats got me so down.. not having someone in my life to share my more intimate self with.

 

Recently I've tried a few of the online dataing services, but with no results.. it really doesn't build ones ego.. I know I'm not the cutest guy in the world, but I don't think of myself as ugly. I'm usually a very cheerful guy when I'm not writing self pity articles online .. sorry for the joke, I'm feeling a little bit better just writing this out.. Problem I have with girls I think is that they have to get to know me, I don't think I make the greatest first impression, and when it comes to online dating , where your one guy amoung thousands .. it's all about the first impression.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this.. I don't know if anyone will actually see it, but like I said above just writing it out , is making me feel better. I guess if I can't tell one person how I feel, I'll tell everyone. At least I'm doing something.. getting it out .. instead of sitting here in the dark, watching cable tv.

 

Thanks again.

 

Just a lonely guy in San Diego.

[brownEyedGirl]

yeah, i know what you mean the feeling, i usually feel the same way self-pitty my mom is alws bugging me to find comfort in church but i really dont see how...i doubt i can find any comfort in church my mom only sees the fam. issues she doesnt know how alone i feel she cant begin to understand that, i find myself at times suddenly bursting into tears... yeah sure there are the online relationships i must admit i am involved in them it somewhat shuts out the loneliness but yet is constantly picking at my soul.

[Christina]

I know lonliness. From the outside I look like I have an ok life but the inside is in constant pain. I feel guilty for feeling bad all the time. I have a lot to be thankful for but there is always that void. I am at an age where I should have that partner in life. I think part of the problem is I am look for something more fullfilling than the average relationship. I want it all, someone who is my best friend that I can tell anything to. I have settled for less more than a couple of times and all that has gotten me is two children (who I love and am greatful for) but it is not the same kind of love you still crave from a soul mate. I feel stuck in myself and my life and there are days when I would give anything to just be some one else even for just one day. I go through the week working from home, a blessing in many way but also more isolation. Starting Monday I am already counting the minutes until the weekend only to be more depressed on the weekend because I don't even have work to keep my mind occupied. It is a terrible cycle and as I am stuck in it, I realize I'm wasting precious time. I am not living life just merely surving it. How awful. The cycle and knowing this only makes me more depressed. I can't seem to break out of it. I turn 33 next Friday and can't believe things are the way they are. What happened to the life I pictured when I was a little girl?? Family is good at giving useless advice like get out and meet somebody. Oh yeah, the world is full of nice men looking to hook up with a 33 year old mother of two. They are knocking down my door!!

Anyway, I am just rambling and needed to get some of this out and this seems like a pretty safe place to do it. I am deeply sorry for others who are stuck in pain. People don't get it and don't understand how it is this ache deep down that never really goes away. No matter who is around it is just right there below the surface never letting you feel really happy or satisfied. Good luck to others. I feel for you.

[brownEyedGirl]

im young ive alws pictured an ideal life with my soul mate, but i wonder what if i never find him?? what if this what if that what if ....

[Christina]

I don't know what you found on the internet so I can't really comment, but it doesn't seem to be making you feel any better. If it is tearing you apart, maybe it is not the right answer?? Do you really want something that is only going to cause more pain? I wish you well.

[nicebuddy_4u]

i was also feeling very lonely and just sicvk i felt like no ione is there for me but then i realized and started talking to god and now i have good friends and also god . its my small exp buddy. hope u try this.just cry out to god your feelings he will surely help you out.

 

ganesh

[blacklily990]

youre welcome to talk to me anytime, im open to any kind of conversation u need to tlk about

[foxyval1607306450]

I'm desperately lonely. I've been alone for six and a half months. I can't drive, so meeting people is exceptionally hard to meet people. I've always battled being a loner, but this is too much. What's worse, my job is terrible enough and it's only getting worse. I'm embarrassed to be what I am, and now I'm only making about $25 a week (used to be $35), that is I and my sister, who work for an independent business. I'm twenty-five and still live with my father. I have absolutely no life and I'm starting to hate everyone that's living in my neighborhood. There are too many married couples in Chesapeake. I already have a high libido and now it's threatening to explode. I had only one sexual relationship which lasted three months. The guy was only good at one thing, and that he was great at! After deciding that the sex wasn't good enough to stay with a man who always sent me home with a huge inferiority complex, I eventually let him go. I was so afraid to dump him for fear of what might come to be...and it did! I'm so painfully lonely, that I'm hurting! Meeting men is hard, I don't have a bank account, and no scanner so I can't post my picture. I'm sure that I would get a few potential mates. But, who would check out a person without knowing what they look like? I sure wouldn't! Anonymity is a great thing, the reason why I can say what I'm...writing. In real life, I hide my feelings. There are men that like me, yeah. But, they're either old enough to be my father or the one guy that just wants to have sex because he's still a virgin. Life sucks.

[michaelc20021607306449]

I never realise how other people have so similar thoughts...

 

I've turned 30 and should be with a partner, I been looking for that

special someone and when she came into my life because I

has spent so long looking, I felt that I messed it up and moved

to fast into the relationship. Any that gone now. I'm alone. Now always looking back to what could have been. Trying to look forward to what might be if I just got back on my feet. That how it is...I just dont think I

have the luxury of waiting for something special to come along. I want to start living my life. But with someone. I stuck just like you in my own private nightmare, I have a well paid job and a house also. Yet I am lonely and depressed. I also pretty proactive about things evening courses, dancing lesson, but I just cant see to meet the right person. In the mean time I tired of being alone. Every day a struggle.

 

I saw the dream also of meeting that special someone and living that wonderful life. Yet it escapes me like some kind of quicksilver.

Perhaps that what it is just a dream and the only reality is that which we

see. I see the cold harsh reality of my life and its awful. Stuck in my

life and everyone else seem much better. And I sometimes draw comfort from seeing other people in the same situation. But no way to live. I just cant see why I cant make it work?

 

It total crazy stuck in that trap of not being able to get out of a rut and

also knowing so clearly that time is precious and wasting. But the harder I

try the more lonely I get? Who want to talk to a person who seem to be trying to hard? It is a vicious cycle...each day goes by and you only have enough energy to make it through to the next.

 

Just thought I share my thoughts with everyone.