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So I have been with my fiancé for over a year, we just had a child together 2 months ago. When I was pregnant I wouldn’t have sex with him however he said it wasn’t a big deal and it didn’t bother him that he would never go stray to someone else. Well a few weeks ago i went through his phone and found out that he has been seeing this older woman (42) he is (25) and they have been sleeping together. When I found out he begged me not to leave him, Cried freaking out and said he didn’t love her it’s just this older woman he used to work with and the opportunity presented itself. I do believe this woman doesn’t really mean anything to him from the messages I saw it didn’t seem romantic. I have been trying to decide if I want to stay with him, he seemed to be very apologetic and regretful. I have been really really hurting about this, and it has made me feel like crap about myself and I ended up talking to this other guy Online for 4 days I never even met him, it was just a bit flirty nothing crazy and he found out about it and now he wants absolutely nothing to do with me he kicked me out of his house and refuses to speak to me and says we are done. I am so confused as to why he would let us go so easily over me just flirting a little online when he was having an affair for 6 months.... I really love this man but it seems I’m the one that loves him more I don’t know if I should try to get him back or move on. Besides the cheating he is a good man and very good to me.

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He is apologetic, because you caught him. You would never have found out and he would have continued cheating on you.

 

He does/did not love you. If he did he would not have cheated on you. He is NOT a good man. A good man does not cheat on his partner, nor throw the mother of his child out on the street for a mild flirtation-which was also wrong. I have to wonder why you would want someone back who has treated you so badly!

 

Time to get to the courts and file for support. Why did you rush into parenthood etc....? If you had gotten to know him better, you would of known what a POS he was.

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A "good man" does not cheat on you, nor does he kick you and your 2 month old baby (his child, as well) out of the house. BTW, where are you living at this time? Also, how old are the both of you?

 

This is not the time to shop around for new people of interest, it's time to act like adults and focus on this innocent baby. These are the type of threads that are absolutely heartbreaking.

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I presume you are meeting the "real" him. Since you were together only a bit over a year and had a baby two months ago, that means you got pregnant 3 or 4 months after you two got together. So you didn't know enough about him to know he was a hypocritical cheater.

 

And "besides the cheating he's a good man"? A "good man" throws out his two month old baby and the baby's mother? That doesn't meet my definition of a "good man".

 

Please see an attorney about setting up a child support and visitation agreement. And forget about "Oh, I can't do that because I don't want to make him MAD!!" Do it for your child, not for yourself or for him.

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You need a lawyer, now.

 

Sounds like you two didn't take time to get to know each other well enough to make a mature decision to have a baby. How old are both of you?

 

He's not a good catch, he's a sneak and a cheater. You were foolish to start talking to some random guy online, that sounds like getting revenge.

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Perhaps he saw you flirting with someone else as getting back at him? He didn't like that you were mad at him for having an affair but then thought it wasn't fair that you could turn around and do it to him (even if it was only flirting). That doesn't excuse his actions or make them right. I'm just trying to put things in his perspective. It's also easier to lash out as someone else then to admit your faults. Your actions gave him a justification for what he did and made it easier to run from his part in all this.

 

The top priority here should be the child. If the guy is unwilling to work things out, you need to focus on splitting up and getting care for the child. And even if he was willing to work on things, you would need to consider if that environment would be healthy for the baby.

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Your relationship with your child's father is too toxic to put back together.

 

You didn't know his true colours until recently, unfortunately, but he doesn't love you. It's time to speak an attorney so you can organize formal visitation/custody, and move on from him. He's not a good man.

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  • 1 month later...

This guy is a real sleaze bag! Why would you continue to expose your children to him?

 

The bit about taking the money is even more disgusting than the cheating. Your picker in men is terrible, and you kids will take the brunt of all of this. Don't you think that it is time to think of your kids, instead of a lying, cheating, user. Certainly you can do better than this!

 

What do your parents think of all of this?

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Where are you living now?

 

Do you believe his story that the older co-worker paid him $5000. to have sex with her?

So gross. I don't know how she can allow his guy to touch her, and then you add all of the other behavior.

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You have known this guy for 10 years. Who he is? Is this behavior typical? Is he the type who will use people to get something? Or was this a really horrible mistake from a person at a really low point who gave into his worse instincts? Is this something he is really sorry for and is actively trying make right? Most of all, is this something that you can forgive?

 

I think in blocking her he is trying to make do better. But his actions were horrible and it's not something you can just move on from. He needs to earn back your trust and that takes time. It's fine to have anger and resentment. The issue is how to deal with it. You both sound like you are quick to react on your emotions which lead to saying things that hurt the other person and don't serve to better the relationship or rebuild what's been broken. In this case, I'd suggest the two of you see a counselor to help you work through the underlining issues in a calmer structure. I don't think this is something you can work through on your own.

 

I think the most important thing here is the children. They need a loving, supportive environment. At this time, their is too many issues between the two of you to really give that to them. For their sake if nothing else, get help to work things out. And if you can't or won't work together to get though this, then do the responsible thing and split up so the children don't have to be in the middle.

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He is 25 and they have been dating for only one year. She has moved out based on the news that he was having sex with a co-worker and supposedly was given $5000. For this.

 

Also, he threw her and their newborn baby out of their home. Not sure why reconciliation would even be on the table.

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Per the other thread:

 

"I have been with my fiancé for over 1.5 years, however I have known him for 10 years, because I am best friends with his sister so I’ve always been close to his family...He admitted his mistakes And his regret and he has since been trying to make things right and we are trying to rebuild the trust. He has been being honest with me, Doing what he needs to in order for us to rebuild the trust. He deeply regrets what he has done and has said how disgusted he is with himself...he blocked her on everything and changed his number and wants nothing to do with her anymore"

 

They have been a couple for 1.5 years, but known each other for 10. There is a lot of history so I think it's fair to consider everything that's happened and not condemn a person for one incident, especially if he is taking active steps to atone for his actions. I'm not saying he is innocent or that his actions weren't horrible. I wouldn't blame her for not forgiving him. But if they are both willing to work things out, I support them. That is why I suggested seeking professional help to deal with all these issues.

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