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I am asking for peoples opinion about what happened to my relationship to help me heal.

Sorry for the grammar and its sorta a long story.

 

I met a lovely lady on a dating app called plenty of fish in February. At the time i was living with my baby mamma because my name was on the lease and i knew she couldn't pay it herself, but there was no feelings there. so we met up hit it off on the first date like i knew her for a long time. since this was the time covid was going on we met at a park and within the same week we met again at her house. i knew she wanted to sleep with me but i am not the type of guy to want to do it right away i like to build something not sleep with strangers or one night stands. and it was weird i would have to go after 6pm after her dad was a sleep so she could sneak me off to the side.

 

after a couple times seeing her we slept together and after that it was great we would spend every minute together and as time went on i would eventually sleep over and met her dad and she met my family. all was great till my lease was about to be up with the baby mamma and i decided to leave early and pay for the last month. and i got depressed as i didn't know what was gonna happen between me and my daughter. i was gonna go from seeing her everyday to every other week and didn't know what the future was gonna bring. and this lady amy i was seeing knew this i talked to her about it. i started getting distant not really sleeping over anymore and telling her because of my kid.

 

I had the most idiotic idea in my life. i thought if i go back to my baby mamma i could see my kid everyday and i know what the future would bring as far as my kid goes. so i left amy told her we weren't compatible because wasn't man enough to tell her the truth. and got with my ex only for my kid but after 3 days i couldn't do it i couldn't string this women along not knowing if one day ill have feelings again. we split and left amy and my ex alone for a week and i started missing amy and all the memories we had and how well we got along. sure we had fights but who doesn't.

 

so i contact amy and ask her to meet up with me and she agrees. we make plans to go eat sushi few days later and she asks me why i wanted to meet up and tell her i wanted to get back with her and told her why i left in the first place and she said she was mad at me and she had to do something that day and we went our ways at met up later and talked more and she told me she was seeing someone after we broke up. and that the guy knew a family friend who died recently. so she told me she needs to decide if she wants to be with me or not.

 

so like 3 days go by and we meet up again to talk more about getting back together and it seemed like no matter what i said she would say something to make it seem like it was best for us not to get back together. I told her i would take it slowly as she wants. so we hug and make out and she leaves to her house and i go to mine and i send her a text like 20 mins later and she doesn't reply and i got a gut feeling that i knew from once before and could not shake.

 

i decide to drive by her house and i see a truck that doesn't belong there. i know because i would sleep over and hang out with her during all my free time i knew what cars belong. it was parked where i would park.and a couple days before hand she told me she wanted to send me a text late at night saying to come over and cuddle with her but she didn't. so i decide to knock on her window because i didn't want to wake her dad up. and she comes out and i ask her if she wants to cuddle and she says no. and i ask her even for like 30 mins and she says no. no matter what i said she said no and told me to leave and she would text me the next day. so i let it be and she didn't contact me in this time she had me blocked on messenger for like 3 days

then unblocked me and i couldn't stand seeing her icon on my messenger saying when she was on so i deleted my facebook. I didn't really use it anyway. so she sends me a long text saying that i scared her by knocking on the window and now she has nightmares of someone going through the window. i apologized and i her told her i knew she was with someone that night and she admitted it and told me it was a yes on getting back together and then after showing up to her house and catching her with someone else it was a no on getting back together. so i asked her what was the point on texting me and said there wasn't one and i asked her to leave me alone and she told me to leave her alone which i did she texted me. last message said " i wish things were different. i'd love to keep you in my life but i can't" and i wonder why not?

 

She texted me all this in one day while still seeing the other guy. My problem is i can't just get over her. it was dumb for to think of going back to baby momma for my daughter even though there was no feelings there. i was just in a tough time going through change and thinking of what will happen in the future with my kid. doesn't help either that she moved on way to quick. i am not sure if it matters but before be she said she slept around a lot to help get over her first ex. It doesn't matter to me what she did when we split but when we started talking about getting back together and it was a yes and 10 mins later she sleeping with someone. confuses me and wont let me heal.

 

its been about 3 weeks and i just can't seem to get any better some days i want to reach out to her. but i think of what happened and think i should let it be. I just want to hear your guys opinion as it helps me heal even if its the harsh truth.

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Sorry about all this.

 

How I’d see this chapter in your life? As the universe telling you that what’s important right now is for you to get things settled with your ex—to carve out a living and co-parenting relationship that is stable. Once that’s in order? Then you can date and explore romance with less risk of it all getting topsy turvy.

 

Hard to accept that this go at romance is over, I know, but ultimately I think it’s for the best. Would you trust you, if you were in her shoes? Give that question some thought and let the answers guide your healing. As you move into a more stable place in your life, you’ll attract others who are more stable in theirs.

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Sorry you are going through this. It hasn’t been that long, so your feelings are still pretty raw and understandable.

 

I think POF and the other dating sites are always a crap shoot. You don’t know what you will really get. You only get a very narrow insight into a person when you connect on a dating site. Even when things progress into a relationship, you still know very little about that person because we, as people, are so multi-layered, often with complex backgrounds and experiences, that it’s hard to truly know a person or predict how they will treat you.

 

It may be a good time for you to take a break from women and let yourself heal. Focus on your daughter and being a great dad to her so she grows up to be a strong woman. Build a positive relationship with your child’s mother. Having a good relationship with her can only help your daughter.

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You need to stay single for a while, OP.

 

You screwed this up, yes, but you also could stand to learn some important lessons about boundaries, respect and mature conduct. Let this time in your life be a time of growth, not dating. You're not in a good place for it at the moment.

 

It's not going to work out with this other woman, so leave her be. When you're ready, you can start fresh with someone else completely.

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Did you manage to move out and find your own place? You're not going to be able to make sound decisions until you give yourself a chance to breathe and the space to breathe. Are you bunking with friends or family or do you have a place to call your own?

 

I think it's the initial loss of your family as a family unit that's causing you to snowball and make these domino bad decisions. Don't start a new relationship or attempt to start one when you're still working through the details of separating or divorcing your wife or previous partner (mother of your child). Both of you have to figure out the details for co-parenting and I cannot imagine the confusion and pain you're causing the mother of your child. It's incredibly disrespectful to your family and yourself too. You may not think you're doing this but by your actions you're showing them that they are not your first priority.

 

No one you date right now should be a priority. It's not the right time. If a woman agrees to date you when you haven't got your sh-t together, please be very wary. I wouldn't trust her AT ALL or her sense. Work on yourself, figure out the co-parenting and make sure you're back on your feet in a place you can call your own so that you can have your daughter over more often and spend more time with her.

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Thanks for all the reply's. I moved back to my parents because i had good credit got myself a new car, but i work construction and it slows down during winter wasn't working and didn't want to take unemployment because of my ego and i couldn't pay credit cards so my credit fell. so i thought i can move to my parents pay of my cards and debt and build my credit and save up for a house.

 

Me and Sierra(my daughters mother) have a very good friendship have set co-parenting terms.I am a good father the thought of leaving a women i loved to be closer and see my child everyday should say it all.

my daughter always came first i would only see Amy every other day when it wasn't my day to take care of my child

 

I decided to not do dating apps anymore and stay single until i am ready and have my together, and i am gonna work on myself and build my confidence and self esteem. I am gonna start hitting the gym not that i am not in good shape because i have an athletic build but try to be the best possible me.

 

The thing that bothers me the most is why did she agree to meet up with me if she already had plans to sleep with this guy? and talk about getting back together and kissing me then 20 mins later sleeping with this guy and me catching her made her change her mind? What?

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The thing that bothers me the most is why did she agree to meet up with me if she already had plans to sleep with this guy? and talk about getting back together and kissing me then 20 mins later sleeping with this guy and me catching her made her change her mind? What?

 

Easiest way to answer these questions? Just look in the mirror. In your own emotionally volatile state, you made a number of choices that confused her, and confused yourself. She did the same, in her way. It's a thing we humans do, when we're in a fragile spot.

 

Keep working on your own fragility, on shoring it up so, in the future, you're ready for this sort of thing. That path is the reward here, while these questions just keep that reward a bit further away.

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  • 4 weeks later...
The thing that bothers me the most is why did she agree to meet up with me if she already had plans to sleep with this guy? and talk about getting back together and kissing me then 20 mins later sleeping with this guy and me catching her made her change her mind? What?

 

My opinion? You hurt her twice. First by breaking up with her using a BS excuse, then again when she found out you lied to her and tried to get back with your ex.

 

So she drowns her sorrows in the arms of another man. And when you catch her doing this, she wants to make you feel as bad as you made her feel, so she leads you to believe you blew it by snooping on her.

 

And maybe you did. If she was talking about getting back together with you right beforehand, but then went ahead and slept with this guy, it was likely something she was doing to make herself feel better, to get even with you, or to hedge her bets since you clearly aren't the most stable choice in the world. Then being caught both embarrassed and angered her, so she responded by telling you that you blew it.

 

You're about a month out from this now. I hope your healing and self-reflection are progressing in a healthy way.

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