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Should I apologize.... 10 years later.


Softball412
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Hello! I’m looking for some other opinions then my own. I was 10/11 years old when I did something pretty malicious to one of my best friends. Looking back now I think I just wanted to hurt someone since I was hurting and they were an easy target. I had moved away before doing this, and thus didn’t have many serious repercussions (it was through the internet). I haven’t spoken to her since, but despite it being so long ago, it bothers me more now what I did then back then. I regret it so horribly and don’t think I’ve ever properly apologized. Well now I’ve come across her on social media again, and am wondering if I could message her to apologize for what I did, or if I should just continue on and not bother her at all. It has just always eaten away at me, but again I don’t know if I should contact her or not. Thanks for your input!

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I personally would love to receive an apology note from my past bully. At that age, kids can be mean and i’ve certainly said/acted in a way that I regretted too. If it’s something you think about on a daily, I would send an apology note and see where that leads. Keep in mind, an apology doesn’t have to be accepted on the spot either but it’s worth a try to make amends. Best of luck!

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Leave her alone. Your guilt is not her current concern or her problem. A better approach would be to unpack and sort any of that out with a therapist.

I haven’t spoken to her since, but despite it being so long ago, it bothers me more now what I did then back then. I regret it so horribly and don’t think I’ve ever properly apologized. Well now I’ve come across her on social media again, and am wondering if I could message her to apologize for what I did. It has just always eaten away at me
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First of all, I highly commend you for having a conscience! :D If there were more people like you, this world would be such a better place! You have a precious virtue called integrity.

 

I wish all the guilty people in my life would've come forward and sincerely apologized to me but that will never happen in a million years. :upset:

 

Yes, I definitely recommend reaching out to her and sincerely apologize. Nothing is more beautiful than being a very humble, remorseful person. Most people are a forgiving lot if there's admittance, humility and character change for the better. (However, to forgive doesn't mean forget nor trust again. Some people can forgive but the relationship is damaged and sometimes severed. I hope for your sake, there will be healing for both parties.)

 

Express your sincere apology and remorse and rest your conscience knowing you did the right thing as a very decent human being.

 

Always remain gracious and kind but don't come across as overbearing either. Know your boundaries with others and other people will feel safe and respected.

 

All the best to you, Softball412.

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If you believe it will make you feel better, apologize. Keep it short and sincere. Do not expect any response.

 

I wish my brother had apologized to me for the crap he did to me but he died so it's not going to happen. I wish my mother had apologized for her treatment of me, but she died too. It's too bad people dont come forward and give a short and heart felt apology to those they know they have wronged.

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Normally I’d err on the side of leave them alone. The scars run deep from childhood exclusion though and I think I’d rather receive an apology if it’s on offer than not.

 

An alternative perspective on the phone call. The phone culture for your age group might make a difference on that. I’m 33, I would be annoyed at someone chasing me for a phone call and probably cheered up by a short apology message

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Resolution and closure is always a good thing, both for the person that was hurt and the person who did the hurting. If one of the people who hurt me in the past reached out to apologize, I would be really moved. I'm not sure if the relationship would continue much past that, but I would have a great respect for someone who could admit when they are wrong and seek to make it right, especially after all that time when it would have been so much easier to forget all about me.

 

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, and I wouldn't expect anything from her in return. But you should do it. The fact that you would even think about it, says a lot about your character and the person you've grown into. You seem like a good guy.

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Yes, apologize. It will bring you peace.

 

But make sure you're doing it because you want to be able to express regret and not because you're hoping you'll be friends again or any other ulterior motive.

You don't want to get stuck in expectations or disappointment.

 

If she forgives you, that's great, but if she doesn't so be it. You're expressing remorse for your own peace of mind.

 

I hope you continue to grow and become a better version of yourself that you're happy with. You sound like you've gained a lot of wisdom already.

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Hello! I’m looking for some other opinions then my own. I was 10/11 years old when I did something pretty malicious to one of my best friends. Looking back now I think I just wanted to hurt someone since I was hurting and they were an easy target. I had moved away before doing this, and thus didn’t have many serious repercussions (it was through the internet). I haven’t spoken to her since, but despite it being so long ago, it bothers me more now what I did then back then. I regret it so horribly and don’t think I’ve ever properly apologized. Well now I’ve come across her on social media again, and am wondering if I could message her to apologize for what I did, or if I should just continue on and not bother her at all. It has just always eaten away at me, but again I don’t know if I should contact her or not. Thanks for your input!

 

I would apologize.

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