Jump to content

My fiance needs space


Candynercka
 Share

Recommended Posts

I was with my fiance for 8 months and all of a sudden he said he needed space ,he said I was to clingy and smothering him .I was in shock ,we had an amazing weekend together a few days before he dropped this bomb I have called him and texed him asking him why he is doing this to me ,we were supposed to be married in December, he is the one that set a date for us to be married. When I call or text him for answers, asking him why he is doing this, he has been saying some real cruel things to me.He said things like, are you going to sit around and blow up my phone all night you have absolutely else to do than sit around all day consumed in me it's annoying, you are pathetic you are not retarted have some self respect or at least fake you need to stop acting pathetic So I tell him to end things and he just tells me that he doesn't have to do to quit making excuses to text him that I am acting like a 12 year old and he is annoyed. I am so hurt I don't understand what I did wrong.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sorry to hear this. He sounds very cruel. Are you sure this is someone you want to marry? I know there are a lot of things going through you right now and you're in pain. On top of that the person you were going to love through thick and thin is saying awful things about you.

 

Can I ask what triggers these flurries of texts or calls in general or what triggers you to need reassurance in the relationship? He said he needed space. Why does he feel he doesn't have enough space? These can be warning signs and red flags that a person, at the most basic level, isn't meeting your needs in a relationship if you're automatically sensing that he's not honest with you or he's not quite emotionally available for example.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It's because he doesn't respect you. If someone asks you not to do something and you continue to do it, you're not respecting the other person. That person loses respect for you. Somewhere along the way he lost respect for you. It's hard to understand right now and you're hurt but take a step back and see where you went wrong as well.

 

Some people are unnecessarily cruel and can turn on a dime or are two-faced and unforgiving but that's usually what some break ups are. They can also happen without the other person suspecting it. Get to know someone for longer next time. Eight months is too short. Don't text or call him anymore. You're asking for more trouble doing that and you probably won't get the answers you're looking for. This person is becoming verbally abusive and very rude.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Because I want answers to why he is doing this to me. Than I tell him to end the relationship and he won't he just keeps saying that I acting pathetic.

 

It doesn't sound like he will give you any more answers than he already has. His answer is that he found you too clingy. End of story. It sounds like he is one of these people who initially gets too excited, idealizes and love bombs their partners (hence the hasty engagement) and after a while goes to the other extreme, becoming disillusioned about the real person and disposing them in an abrupt manner without prior warning. What you did wrong is that you trusted the wrong man. You are better off without him.

 

The thing is that you need to take a step back and seriously reflect on this guy's actions. He has shown you that he is capable of mental abuse, jerked you around and called you pathetic. Yet, you are chasing after him and insist on staying in a relationship with him instead of breaking up with him yourself. You don't need his words to know that in reality he is not marriage material and that you need to drop him. His actions have already spoken loud and clear. It's on you to protect yourself and exit this toxic situation. Closure comes from within NOT from some guy who clearly sucks at respectful communication. Imo, this guy's actions are enough to break up with him yourself and you don't need him to do it for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

.He said things like, are you going to sit around and blow up my phone all night you have absolutely else to do than sit around all day consumed in me it's annoying, you are pathetic you are not retarted have some self respect or at least fake you need to stop acting pathetic So I tell him to end things and he just tells me that he doesn't have to do to quit making excuses to text him that I am acting like a 12 year old and he is annoyed. I am so hurt I don't understand what I did wrong.

 

Nothing that would warrant this sort of verbal abuse, OP.

 

Stay away from this person. He sounds awful, and would make a terrible husband. Do not marry this jerk.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm going to look at this from another angle. He told you he needed space and the reason is because he finds you too clingy. Your response to that was to NOT give him space but to keep ringing/texting him, thus demonstrating the very behaviour he said he needed space from. Then you taunt him into ending the relationship when, if his words were cruel and upsetting, you had the choice to do that yourself. I think you both need to take a good look at the way you behave towards the other and learn that respect has to go both ways. Him saying he needs space could be that he needs time to fully consider whether he still wants to be in a relationship with you. Use that time to consider the same thing yourself.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well @poorlittlefish He hasn't seen his ex, which is his son's mother for a year, she got out of rehab on Sunday to see their son for the day he started acting cold and distant towards me all week than on Sunday the day he was going to see her he told me that he needed space. And I am not sure if this is why he is acting like this to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am so sorry. This guy sounds like a cruel POS!

 

It sounds like he has gone back to his ex. I know you want answers, but I believe he's gone back to her.

 

You did nothing wrong. Instead of telling you the truth, he is blaming you. Block and delete this creep or he will continue to abuse you.

 

Have you ever seen this side in the past, with you or others? I would find it odd that this type of behavior has not been witnessed before.

 

Your relationship is over.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wait a minute... Your original post had no indication there was an ex in the picture and there was.

 

So that leads me to look at it this way...

 

he is breaking things off with you. he is too much of a coward to admit the truth. So he'll boiled it down to the old "I need space".

 

Then when you challenged that, he gets mean to further push you away so he would not have to deal with it.

 

I'm sorry OP. This guy is a loser. Don't give him the satisfaction of your tears and attention.

 

Turn your back on him. and go be with your friends and family.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I agree with everything so far but I will caution you that when someone says they need space and tells you you are being clingy, the worst possible thing you can do is blow up his phone asking 'but why?'

You are only reinforcing that he made the right decision asking for space and it may push him to finalize the break.

When asking for and explanation, he's given you one. He feels smothered. Period. You don't have to agree with it, but that is a complete explanation.

Instead of trying to read between the lines for something else.

Having said that, I understood how hard this must. I'm sorry.

Have some self respect and give me what he's asking for.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If he treats you this way now, he'll mistreat and disrespect you as your husband. Your fiance reminds me of my BIL (brother-in-law) who is extremely rude, condescending and obnoxious.

 

Cancel the engagement.

 

Regarding phone etiquette, don't over do it with texting. Some people don't like relentless back 'n forth texting. They don't want their cell phones to become their ball and chain. Give people a break, time and space because it's courteous and respectful not to bother people constantly.

 

I'm married yet my husband and I never bombard each other with texts. I don't call him too much either. I'm this way with friends as well. Use discretion.

 

Nonetheless, your boyfriend doesn't have tact nor emotional intelligence. Google "emotional intelligence." He is mean spirited with his wording. I hope he doesn't gaslight you either. Google "gaslighting." If he was bothered by your frequent texting / calling, he could've politely requested that you decrease contacting him yet his diatribe was uncalled for.

 

It's not always what you say but how you say it where your boyfriend got it all wrong. Downgrading you was unkind and mean spirited. His delivery could've been handled better.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...