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Should I end the relationship?


Starship8

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We’ve been dating for about 2.5 years, this has been one of the most meaningful and deeper relationships I’ve had. I’m 36F, him 36M. We’ve talked about marriage and kids, and our relationship in the past 1.5 years has been solid. However during the first year of our relationship was rocky due to some jealousy issues on my part. We’ve since gotten past that up until now.

 

Admittedly it was something I had been working on for a long while, I am always doing the work to improve myself and to be the best version I can be. However, I have the occasional slip ups, and in this case I recently acted out on some jealousy emotions by probing and seeking reassurance from him. Based on the past, I tried really hard to be vulnerable in bringing up my insecurities, letting him know ahead of time that the green eyed monster was coming out, and that i needed his help. I just couldn’t see straight or be level headed, so i started asking questions (probing a same old topic from 2 years ago) which angered him. His temper rose, and I could tell he was just fed up with me. Even my crying didnt evoke any empathy from him. He mentioned that he couldn’t think of marriage if this was something that we were still dealing with. And that he wanted to help but couldn’t, suggested that i talk to my friends and seek help from a therapist.

 

In these times, I felt like i needed him, and wanted desperately to talk to him about it. I apologized for having acted out on my emotions, but that I needed his help. He refused. Wouldn’t listen to me and his anger flaring more. So I left, and we haven’t spoken in a week.

 

After some reflection in this past week, I’m realizing that perhaps we both just aren’t having our needs being met, and that we’re not as compatible. I had always thought that if you loved someone you’d work through things together, and support one another in being the best version of themselves, with flaws and all. Instead I ended up wallowing in my shame, realizing that feeling jealousy is normal, acting out on it is not ok but that it doesn’t make you a horrible person. For this reason, I feel disappointed that he would contemplate ending a relationship on these basis, and feel this angry enough to not be able to help me through this. I’ve been patient with his temper issues throughout our relationship, never shaming him, hoping he would help me the same. Defuse me as I would with him during times of need. And this is the type of partnership I’m looking for. I feel disrespected, and hurt.

 

Should I end this relationship?

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