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Nobody text me / call me. What should I do?


Buzz86
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Well....when you at first present yourself as friendly, fun, and outgoing, but then deep inside you are kind of opposite....you aren't exactly being genuine, now are you?

 

So you are right, that people who are drawn to light and sunshine will fade away from you as they realize that you are dark.

 

So you have a choice to make - work on yourself so you are not this dark void or be honest about who you are and seek out those who are more like you, who like the darkness and connect to that.

 

When you do a bait and switch, you'll never have success as you'll always be attracting the wrong kind of people who then walk away from you as they realize the mismatch.

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Buzz. Do not postpone making FRIENDS until you move to another country. Of course you should make friends at university. On the other hand if what you mean by "making friends" means befriending another woman (or women) maybe that's a different matter.

 

As you will find out, all too often we don't get the outcome we expect or want in life. That's how life is.

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Not quite!

 

"Nihilism for me is something like lack of intense emotions".

 

But anyway.

 

You can't expect women (anywhere) or indeed anyone to haul you out of your existential angst. It is not their job to be your therapist(s). Nor is their job to provide you with validation.

 

Your best friend is yourself, and it is up to you to NOT depend on anyone for your emotional well-being.

 

Try not to ruminate and over-think so much. It will get you down!

 

TBH I never thought of that females can be a support to get out of nihilism, but I just intrinsically realized that they have capability of having intense feelings that makes you drive forward and can help with my nihilism as well but yeah, you are right, and the fact that I'm not emotionally independent is something I should work on it. I'm into nihilism and nihilism means nothing, no emotions and the only way to move forward is finding a source of emotions but other than humans. Maybe tat was why Nikola Tesla was a lover of pigeon while he was some sort of atheist?

So, I should find a new source of emotional energy.

 

What I learnt so far in this forum are:

 

1.Temporarily forget about a few things.

2. Learn interpersonal skills (Which I already have?! But again, I will try that.)

3. Do not obsess myself with some sort of thoughts.

4.Stop ruminating.

5.Finding new source of emotional energy.

6.Do not play games.

7.Stop generalizations"(Believe it or not that's what I learnt from my past relationships in this country, I never was like this, that's why I afraid of making friends here. You can see people judge with generalizations everywhere like this: Men are bad, women are bad,etc... quite terrible and I don't want to get into those things again. I personally have never thought of generalizing things that broadly but the people around me made me to think about that by the way they speak of hatred and ...)

8.Make friends with the same gender.

 

 

Yeap that's all. I found that people I was in contact with, were expecting me to be positive as the first day they saw me, there is nothing wrong with them being unsupportive.It's me.

 

Thanks LaHermes,Hollyj and DancingFool.

 

I know most of my current thoughts are not the real ones I would have, they are an answer to my surroundings; a reaction to the situation around me and when I get into another culture, it will be alright itself. It took me 3 years so find out why nihilism and many other whys, and the answer lies in my current surrounding where nobody has a hope for a favorite change to be made, it's lack of hope and the reason why I found myself in the pure nothing(nihilism) is that nihilism is like a haven I can temporarily escape into and be safe from the negativity all surrounding myself.

I'm sure one day it's gonna be alright.

Edited by Buzz86
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TBH I never thought of that females can be a support to get out of nihilism, but I just intrinsically realized that they have capability of having intense feelings that makes you drive forward and can help with my nihilism as well but yeah, you are right, and the fact that I'm not emotionally independent is something I should work on it. I'm into nihilism and nihilism means nothing, no emotions and the only way to move forward is finding a source of emotions but other than humans. Maybe tat was why Nikola Tesla was a lover of pigeon while he was some sort of atheist?

So, I should find a new source of emotional energy.

 

What I learnt so far in this forum are:

 

1.Temporarily forget about a few things.

2. Learn interpersonal skills (Which I already have?! But again, I will try that.)

3. Do not obsess myself with some sort of thoughts.

4.Stop ruminating.

5.Finding new source of emotional energy.

6.Do not play games.

7.Stop generalizations"(Believe it or not that's what I learnt from my past relationships in this country, I never was like this, that's why I afraid of making friends here. You can see people judge with generalizations everywhere like this: Men are bad, women are bad,etc... quite terrible and I don't want to get into those things again. I personally have never thought of generalizing things that broadly but the people around me made me to think about that by the way they speak of hatred and ...)

8.Make friends with the same gender.

 

 

Yeap that's all. I found that people I was in contact with, were expecting me to be positive as the first day they saw me, there is nothing wrong with them being unsupportive.It's me.

 

Thanks LaHermes,Hollyj and DancingFool.

 

I know most of my current thoughts are not the real ones I would have, they are an answer to my surroundings; a reaction to the situation around me and when I get into another culture, it will be alright itself. It took me 3 years so find out why nihilism and many other whys, and the answer lies in my current surrounding where nobody has a hope for a favorite change to be made, it's lack of hope and the reason why I found myself in the pure nothing(nihilism) is that nihilism is like a haven I can temporarily escape into and be safe from the negativity all surrounding myself.

I'm sure one day it's gonna be alright.

 

That's a good list!

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Additional points to consider:

 

1. Make friends with those who think like you do and/or share the same values. If you can't relate to the people around you, then it won't matter how much effort you put in. A friendship or relationship should be grounded in similarities.

2. Don't play games. Yes, you already said that. But I can't repeat it enough. Games do no one any good and just create a headache and hurt feelings.

3. Don't overthink. Not everything needs a strategic plan (and this is from someone who loves lists and plans). Things usually work out for the best when we trust our instincts and go with the flow.

4. Focus on you. If your plan is to leave the country, then this is a temporary stop. Figure out what you ultimately want in your life and pursue it.

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Additional points to consider:

 

1. Make friends with those who think like you do and/or share the same values. If you can't relate to the people around you, then it won't matter how much effort you put in. A friendship or relationship should be grounded in similarities.

2. Don't play games. Yes, you already said that. But I can't repeat it enough. Games do no one any good and just create a headache and hurt feelings.

3. Don't overthink. Not everything needs a strategic plan (and this is from someone who loves lists and plans). Things usually work out for the best when we trust our instincts and go with the flow.

4. Focus on you. If your plan is to leave the country, then this is a temporary stop. Figure out what you ultimately want in your life and pursue it.

 

I like this a lot.

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Additional points to consider:

 

1. Make friends with those who think like you do and/or share the same values. If you can't relate to the people around you, then it won't matter how much effort you put in. A friendship or relationship should be grounded in similarities.

2. Don't play games. Yes, you already said that. But I can't repeat it enough. Games do no one any good and just create a headache and hurt feelings.

3. Don't overthink. Not everything needs a strategic plan (and this is from someone who loves lists and plans). Things usually work out for the best when we trust our instincts and go with the flow.

 

Yeah couldn't agree more. As for the number 1, I will keep trying but it won't be my priority for now (contrary to how it was before this).

 

 

4. Focus on you. If your plan is to leave the country, then this is a temporary stop. Figure out what you ultimately want in your life and pursue it.
Grise Fiord! I'm not really sure if I should tell my main very personal goal here but that's it. I really love the cold, quietness but didn't expect to be cold inside me.

 

I should mainly think about new emotional energy source, for me, I think my brain has the capability to trigger myself, it hasn't need to be a pet or idk somebody to depend on to overcome the nihilism attitude. Maybe a mental friend that is always there and is my favorite person and also is a nihilist like me so can understand me better? Not too bad, I should some day accept this fact that as a nihilist, I won't be able to do some things that others can do properly, so that's the starting point although I accept that sounds terrible but again wonderful, my brain is my best friend, always with me.

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Well,an update :

 

This emoji might show my current mood better(from the moment I asked for your advice to right here commenting) : :D

 

I feel beyond ecstatic. Full of hope and sanity. After leaving a few things temporarily, I feel overpowered, living my dream life I always wanted.

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post a song here but :

https://soundcloud.com/losectrlmusic/jay-reeve-the-nearest-star

 

walk alone and work out and study at midnight. Now I've got a few very cool ideas, I'm working on them.

 

Something is ridiculously intriguing and that is some of my negative attitudes have been disappeared. It's like finding a ray of hope in reaching my own personal goals and as I said before, I suspect if my nihilism thoughts are coming from the disappointment caused by my surroundings.

 

Anyway, I feel good. BUT here I come to a point that I need your help/advice and that's about my classmates. Some of my classmates including myself, are part of a WhatsApp group and one of them is my ex-friend and I feel terrible thinking about a few things related to that person. I also don't feel any good seeing one of my classmates there, he didn't send any messages/call me when we were in contact. So, I wonder if I should leave the group and try to focus on myself? I've got a lot of new things to think and do.

 

What happens if I do so?

Well, considering the old friendships with 2 of them. I afraid to think how it might feel like if we see each other again by any chance? How I should behave? ONE of them is a girl(my last relationshi-t)

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Glad to see you are doing better.:D

 

If you are doing well, I'd avoid situations that are likely to bring you down again. You can still keep contact with those that you are okay with and whose friendship makes you feel better. But why out yourself in a position that is going to make you feel worse?

 

Yeahhhh thanks , I feel a lot better, can't even describe it :D

 

Well, the reason I asked such question is idk by my dumbness or whatever , just feeling bad when I think of her (my classmate).

 

You know? it was 2 AM midnight and I was feeling terrible (again caused by another relationship with one of my classmates(which is her friend as well(my ex-friend's friend) and my ex-friend that I talked about in the last post, helped me to overcome the relationship angst giving me hope BUT the relationship itself wasn't at all worth it and since I broke up with her friend, that affected our relationshi-t as well. I feel bad because of some good memories with her but I helped her as well with her future plans.

 

But why out yourself in a position that is going to make you feel worse?

 

I WON'T but I afraid they will. My ex-friend emailed me talking in an intimate manner(But not in reality;an unwanted emotional attachment, that's why I called it a "game" and wanted to leave that game). it was about about 2 days ago and suddenly negativity took me all over the place again for a few hours.

 

Anyway I just want to move along and work on my own goals without any distractions. :D

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Anyway I just want to move along and work on my own goals without any distractions. :D

 

Good plan. It seems like it would be so easy, right? Really annoying when everyone else won't co-operate and keep trying to drag you into their stuff. lol

 

Do the best you can. Be polite and nice and respond if you have to, but keep it short and to the point. Then drop it and return to what you were doing. Sounds like you're doing well.

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  • 2 weeks later...
TBH I never thought of that females can be a support to get out of nihilism, but I just intrinsically realized that they have capability of having intense feelings that makes you drive forward and can help with my nihilism as well but yeah, you are right, and the fact that I'm not emotionally independent is something I should work on it. I'm into nihilism and nihilism means nothing, no emotions and the only way to move forward is finding a source of emotions but other than humans. Maybe tat was why Nikola Tesla was a lover of pigeon while he was some sort of atheist?

So, I should find a new source of emotional energy.

 

What I learnt so far in this forum are:

 

1.Temporarily forget about a few things.

2. Learn interpersonal skills (Which I already have?! But again, I will try that.)

3. Do not obsess myself with some sort of thoughts.

4.Stop ruminating.

5.Finding new source of emotional energy.

6.Do not play games.

7.Stop generalizations"(Believe it or not that's what I learnt from my past relationships in this country, I never was like this, that's why I afraid of making friends here. You can see people judge with generalizations everywhere like this: Men are bad, women are bad,etc... quite terrible and I don't want to get into those things again. I personally have never thought of generalizing things that broadly but the people around me made me to think about that by the way they speak of hatred and ...)

8.Make friends with the same gender.

 

Well, a quick update, let's see how far I've progressed:

1. Is done.

2.Just thinking about this... I realized I should change the way I communicate.

3. Is done.

4. Is done.

5.The new source is : Me , I should get used to that.

6. This required me to put a lot of effort to stop thinking about it, but it isn't completely done yet, struggling now. I think all what I need is time.

7. Is done.

8. I should focus on my research for now, I really don't have the time for that right now, so I will keep this option for considering it later.

 

I'm doing good actually, I'm concentrating on my research and also a nanotechnology competition :D everything is fine and I'm feeling quite happy and energetic.

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  • 4 months later...
On 9/4/2020 at 9:51 PM, DancingFool said:

Unless you have a realistic way to leave your country soon, then it would be healthier and better for you to actually figure out how to live and be happy and fit in where you are. Relying on the internet while avoiding real life isn't doing you any good and it explains why you are so confused with real life interactions.

 

Forget women for now. Learn how to be friends with other guys your age in real life. Learn how to from bonds and friendships in real life. Figure out who and what types of people you actually enjoy being around and who enjoy being around you. That itself is a journey. Not everyone is your cup of tea and you aren't theirs and that's ok. Join whatever hobbies, clubs, things at uni where you can meet more like minded people and stop living in isolation. Social skills are learned and no, it's not about games. If want to be genuine, then be genuine.

 

As for the "games" you are describing, honestly, you'll find that all over the world. It's very much human nature - the hot/cold, chase/run behaviors. Also, quite immature and most grow out of it in their 20's. It's also an individual kind of a thing. Some people lie, some people pretend, some people play games, some people are genuine, some are caring, etc., etc, etc. Still goes back to putting yourself out there and learning where your kind of people are and how to find/identify/befriend them. It also means learning how to let go of hurts and taking lessons for what they are - just a lesson. If you befriend a thief and they steal from you, you don't carry bitter baggage and project blame to all men, you simply learn what a thief looks like and learn how to avoid them going forward.

 

One thing I've learned while traveling is that humanity is fundamentally the same the world over. Culture plays a small part when it comes to individual people.

Yeah, after months, I now understood what you were trying to say. Unfortunately a bit late with some pain. I have become friends with a girl in the university and she barely starts a conversation, barely message or calls me, barely opens up about her feelings, barely can depend on her promises... I was going to prepare a gift for valentine's day and now I'm really disappointed saying does she really love me? or I'm just her "classmate"? I'm mostly open about my ideas, how I feel, what are my concerns, and ... she tells me this every time: Do not worry, count on me. But again the same goes forever. I always start things first like always. quite disappointed. this has happened every single time with my past friendships. I honestly give up. not gonna try again "here" (like how you suggested), instead I'm gonna put that energy into my study, how can I do that alone? I mean how can I survive alone for some time? (I'm really stunned, looks like relationships/friendships do not work well here I do not know why ( you could search about relationships issues in Iran, that's skyrocketing), of course, I had an awesome friendship with a girl that I had known her for about 2 years, she was kind and knew what I liked the most: "Reciprocation" we had been getting along well and I felt awesome for a while BUT since it was a distant friendship I couldn't continue that way because we most likely wouldn't be able to pursue a common track. Worse than anything else, I had a horrible experience with a narcissistic personality too (unfortunately a female, she must have been through a lot. I was overwhelmed with anxiety and frustration since then.) I'm sure everything will be sorted out once I get to another university where I have the chance to meet the like-minded people (that's a tier 1 uni, its faculty and students are exceptional and kind, I guess that will make a huge difference) But the question is how do I continue being alone? that's a difficult situation.

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