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What to do when a girl blows you off?


FrameWork91

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So basically I've known this girl for about 7 years we've been on a few dates, but last night she asked me out of the blue to go to a over 18s mini golf course.

I told her I'de let her know if I can come real soon as it was on a work night, 15 minutes later I responded with What time was you thinking of going,

She said I don't know smiley smiley, Then I responded well I'm defiantly up for going.

 

Then she had to call them and order it and pay for it on her card, as I lost mine and I said I'll give her the 10 pounds when she I see her.

Then apparently the website wouldn't take her card details, and the phone wasn't answering. So I started getting ready any how with a glass of wine.

I sat and waited for over a hour figuring she may be in the bath or getting her self ready. Still no answer. I suggested doing something else,

prompted that maybe the phone person has left his post and that he's been summoned to go behind the bar smiley face, Still no response,

I told my self I'll give her 10 more minutes to reply it had already been around 50 minutes she had been offline at this point. 10 minutes past still no reply from her,

So I said I don't know if you've fell asleep, in the bath or what ever, but I'm getting unchanged and going to bed,

and I did exactly that furious that I had wasted a hour getting my self looking suitable.

 

Now I've got a reply from her 30 minutes ago and the first of it I can read is "Hey sorry I did fall asleep.." I really don't believe this what so ever she slept for 11 hours? And I wouldn't be able to get accidentally fall asleep unless I was wasted, Not really sure on how to answer the response or even if it's worth giving her one. Any advice on what to do next would be great

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Advice would be to block her.

 

I’m sure the following responses will be the same.

 

When you lost your bank card did you call the bank immediately? Have you checked your bank account to make sure no transactions been processed since you lost it?

 

And just because she responded 11hrs later saying she fell asleep , doesn’t mean she was asleep for 11hrs. It means she fell asleep at the time and explains why she didn’t reply. The next day she said oops fell asleep.

 

She is not interested in you but on a whim asked someone to do something because of boredom or whatever?

But she ended up alleviating her boredom through sleeping.

 

What exactly do you want from this chick whom you have known for 7 years but never dated??

 

I think you might be a fall back guy for her ? When a date turns her down etc?

 

Are you ok with this?

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You've known her a long time. But how well do you know her? Is she a kind person or has she jerked you around before?

 

What she did is not right and if I didn't know her a long time or have any other frame of reference I'd probably block her and forget it.

 

But sometimes we humans, we fall asleep. haha

 

It really comes down to what do you want to do?

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Yeah, it was rude. If she was really that into you, when the card didn't work, she'd be coming up with other ideas for a night out instead of being so bored she fell asleep.

 

I've known this girl for about 7 years we've been on a few dates, but last night she asked me out of the blue Sounds like you're really not into her either. Out of the blue means those other dates weren't recent, and you've just stayed in communication but never actively and regularly dated. When you're crazy about someone, you're not going to dilly dally and let a good opportunity slide.

 

Time to put your time and emotional energy into someone you're actually excited about.

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What do you mean what do you do?

 

We have no idea what your intentions are towards her. Do you want to try and form a relationship with her? Do you just want someone to hang out with once in a while? Do you want a quick hook up? You see it all depends.

 

Hook up then blow it off since you really don't care what type of person she is because you just want sex.

 

Hang out buddy then you need to figure out if she has done this before and if it is a pattern of jerking you around and if so just don't respond. When she contacts you again to hang out decline.

 

Form a relationship would be just to ghost her. You aren't all that interested or you wouldn't have told her you need to figure out if you can make it or not, you would have been game right from the start work night or not.

 

7 years and nothing has ever come of anything between you so it sounds like what was mentioned above. She was bored and you were an easy option with no down side. My guess is she texted a few guys and a better option responded in between your back and forth and she chose him and you got ignored and a lame excuse the next day.

 

No need to get furious it was just an hour out of your life and you didn't cancel other plans for this girl so relax and chalk it up to a learning experience.

 

She is not worth all the mental real estate you are giving her on this.

 

Lost

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I think you are way over reacting and blowing this out of proportion.

 

You've known each other for 7 years. This was a kind of sort of last minute totally casual suggestion to do something that fell through. Going by what she said, it sounds like she was still on the fence while you got way over excited and pushed harder for it to happen, but then....you couldn't even manage to pitch in to organize it as you didn't have a card to use. She tried, it didn't work. Sounds like she gave up, maybe really did fall asleep. It happens. People can be tired you know. If you choose to take that as some kind malicious slight against you, that says more about you than her and it doesn't say anything good about you and your character.

 

If you want to throw away a 7 year friendship over one oops, it's up to you. I think you need to chill out and if you want to date her, then plan something properly in advance.

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Well maybe she was wasted. Maybe that's why she contacted you out of the blue...drinking alone will do that. Maybe that's why she had trouble putting in the payment details online, maybe she was dialing the wrong number, maybe that's why she didn't answer your messages...she passed out. Whatever the case may be I wouldn't waste anymore time, even if she was just a friend.

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I think you are way over reacting and blowing this out of proportion.

 

You've known each other for 7 years. This was a kind of sort of last minute totally casual suggestion to do something that fell through. Going by what she said, it sounds like she was still on the fence while you got way over excited and pushed harder for it to happen, but then....you couldn't even manage to pitch in to organize it as you didn't have a card to use. She tried, it didn't work. Sounds like she gave up, maybe really did fall asleep. It happens. People can be tired you know. If you choose to take that as some kind malicious slight against you, that says more about you than her and it doesn't say anything good about you and your character.

 

If you want to throw away a 7 year friendship over one oops, it's up to you. I think you need to chill out and if you want to date her, then plan something properly in advance.

 

 

I won't throw away a 7 year friendship I'll continue to be her friend. There's no point in letting that go away. But as far for another date well tbh I wouldn't truly want one. The hunt continues, I think she may have been on the fence abit and I kind of pushed her off it by being abit to needy. Sometimes when I want something to happen I want it to happen and that's final I should really work on allowing myself to not fixate on doing something prior to doing it

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Yeah, it was rude. If she was really that into you, when the card didn't work, she'd be coming up with other ideas for a night out instead of being so bored she fell asleep.

 

I've known this girl for about 7 years we've been on a few dates, but last night she asked me out of the blue Sounds like you're really not into her either. Out of the blue means those other dates weren't recent, and you've just stayed in communication but never actively and regularly dated. When you're crazy about someone, you're not going to dilly dally and let a good opportunity slide.

 

Time to put your time and emotional energy into someone you're actually excited about.

 

This advice is really helpful. I decided to ignore her text, sord out a opinion of a friend of mine that is a girl, and she suggested don't respond so I didn't. I will be her friend in the future but right now there's not really any point in pretending like we can't wait to rearrange the date

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You keep calling it a date, but it doesn't sound to me like she was asking for a date. It sounds more like a last minute hang out type thing and even so, it doesn't sound like she was all that certain about it.

 

So I'll say it again - if you want a date, then ask, be clear, take charge and arrange ahead of time. This to my mind wasn't a date or flaking on a date. More just two people trying to arrange something last minute that fell through. It happens.

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Don't agree to dates on the spur of the moment. I've declined plenty of these because it's not worth it and your time is worth more than that. As soon as you agree to half-hearted or half-planned ideas made in the spur of the moment especially early on getting to know someone romantically or not as a friend, you're telling the other person that you can be Plan B, C, D, E, F down the list. This is not always true and there's that tiny percentile of people who are genuine and spontaneous but don't bother taking that risk. All that love of spontaneity can come out later when you trust and know each other a bit more. And why would you want to inconvenience yourself again as you did before. Just take it as a lesson and move on from there.

 

Did you figure out a replacement for your card?

 

I'm also curious how often you meet this friend for hang outs etc.

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So I'll say it again - if you want a date, then ask, be clear, take charge and arrange ahead of time. This to my mind wasn't a date or flaking on a date. More just two people trying to arrange something last minute that fell through. It happens.

 

I agree. This was a last minute attempt to do something together that didn't work. It may have been completely innocent on her part. Maybe she did fall asleep and didn't want to message you in the middle of the night, so waited until the morning. Maybe she got distracted by something personal. Or maybe she was wasted, which means you probably wouldn't have wanted to go out with her. Regardless, it's not a big deal.

 

Plans can be rescheduled. If you want to be friends, just focus on being friends. If you want a date, make plans for a real date. Decide what you want from the relationship, and go from there.

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I don't think I will. She defiantly is flakey, but I think maybe my eagerness made it flakey. hey maybe next time I get a chance to go on a date I'll go about calling them. Cheers

 

What????

The next time you get a “chance” to date someone?

 

So you perceived her message as a “chance” to date her?

 

If you want to date someone , ask them out on a date.

 

But if someone you have known 7 years suggests doing something , that’s NOT a date.

That’s just hanging out.

And a good friend won’t leave you hanging.

 

So it looks like , she is not a friend , not someone interested in dating you and perhaps merely a social media acquaintance?

 

What does “defiantly” mean to you???

 

Defiantly flakey is a paradox.

 

Do you mean definitely?

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