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Starting NO Contact -So heart broken


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Hello,

 

I am new to this website. Just like many of you, I was looking for help to deal with my recent breakup. My boyfriend ended our relationship last week. I finally started no contact. His reasons were it was not working for him and he can't commit to me. We were happy. We had our ups and downs but I always thought that love can conquer all. He didn't believe in that. So he left me. We work together. But I was able to change my schedule to alternate days so I don't have to face him. A part of me is so embarrassed that I was left like an unwanted trash, I can't face him. I was there for him thru all his problems-- financial, emotional and just like that he told me that it is not working for him. He said that he tired his best . All he was doing was trying to dump me every time we had an argument. He blame his anxieties on me and our relationship. He blames me for not able to deal with his anxieties. What hurts the most that he said this relationship is not working for him for a while. I don't know why but that hurt a lot. It feels like someone take your love and throw it in your face. Now He gets to move on with his life and I am here crying and sitting on my sofa all day.

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Sorry to hear you have been broken up with. It takes two people to want to stay in a ralationship, but only one to want to leave. Unfortunately you have to respect his decision, no matter how much that hurts. No contact is a good first step for you to move on with your life, to mend your heart and mind.

 

What hurts the most that he said this relationship is not working for him for a while. I don't know why but that hurt a lot. It feels like someone take your love and throw it in your face.

 

This hurts because any positive happy memories for you from that period have basically been invalidated. They weren't the happy experiences for the both of you that you remember. Unfortunately that's the case with most relationships and breakups. When one person decides to leave, that's a process that began some time ago for them.

 

His own anxieties are for him to resolve too. One should never expect a significant other to fix their problems for them. That's unfair on the SO (in this case you).

 

How long were you together for?

 

Do you have friends or family you can spend your free time with? Hobbies that you can distract yourself with? Far easier said than done I know, but sitting around and dwelling on the what ifs, ands and buts will only prolong your healing, which is something you now need to focus on.

Edited by RedFox1
Removed mostly irrelevant question
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Oh man :( I am so sorry for your heart break OP, I've definitely been there a few times... hoping and hoping that love would indeed conquer all, only to find out that love is just love and isn't a solution to systemic problems in a relationship.

 

It happens all the time, one or the other falls for someone that doesn't reciprocate the same level of feelings, it would seem that he tried to tell you how he really felt (

All he was doing was trying to dump me every time we had an argument
) and as he did that you clung to him even harder, which made him even more frustrated and anxious.

 

I know it hurts, take the time you need to process how you feel, and also look at what you can do differently next time... e.g. if someone tells you they want to break up when you have an argument, or blames you for being anxious, or that they don't want to commit to you, look at this as an opportunity to exit the relationship gracefully, because you deserve to have someone that will commit to you with their whole heart and be willing to work through your problems together without running away.

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I'm very sorry, Sonap. Even though it's hard for you to see this now, someday time will heal your old wounds.

 

Should your paths ever cross at work in the future, hold your head high. Be brave. Remain civil. It's ok to ignore. However, if you must speak or communicate for professional reasons, remain polite.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting. This too shall pass.

 

In a way, be glad and relieved that he broke up with you. You deserve better. You deserve to be with a selfless man. A real man. A man who treats you with honor and respect. Also, you deserve to be with a normal, stable, secure man who will give you a good life. Change the way you think along those terms and you will transform your hurt into resilience, strength, newfound wisdom and resolve.

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Oh man! We’re we dating the same guy op? Did he also break up with you over text or messenger?

 

He sounds so much like my ex boyfriend who also broke up with me last week as well. I think no contact is very wise. I’m sorry you’re hurting. You’ll find better!

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I am very sorry, but this is a blessing in disguise.

 

In the future, don’t look for people who are projects, where you get to play therapist. Find a bf who is more stable. This was not a guy to have a future with.

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Love can conquer all ..... as long as both parties are willing to commit to making it work. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing. I'm sorry you are hurting. While it may not feel like it now, and may not for some time, things will get better for you. You deserve to be with someone better, someone who will give you love and support and not blame you for his issues. Eventually, your tears will dry and you will see he was no good for you. You will move on and be happy while he will still carry the same anxieties and probably find someone else to blame. Take time for yourself and do something that makes you happy. Treat yourself. A better relationship is out there for you somewhere.

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