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I really feel lost about this, would love to get some opinions


puzzleman
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I'm a freshman in high school. I've had a crush on a girl for the past 2 years, but could never really talk to her as I freeze in fear during the rare chance I get to.

 

I don't share any classes with her, expect a study hall (just free study for a block)

I can't seem to get close to her, and I feel like it will be too awkward to simply say start a conversation as I have talked to her less than 3 times during the past 2 years, even when she was in most of my classes.

I really want to get close with her, as I find her so wonderful. I'm pretty shy with people except my friends, so I don't have enough confidence to go and talk to her. To make it worse, she's always surrounded by her own friend group, which makes it even harder to approach her.

I don't want to be seen as some weird kid to her, and I can't simply just say talk to her as it will seem weird. What should I do?

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As someone who never could start random conversations, especially with a female I was interested in, I get the fear that it causes. I froze so many time when I was your age. And all I got from it was lost opportunities that I will never know how things could have turned out. What I realize now is that it never mattered how they, or anyone else saw me. What matters is how I view myself. So what if I'm seen as weird. In fact, I'm pretty sure people have thought that about me. Yes, it may not go the way I want and I might hurt for a bit, but at least I can say I tried. And if you try, eventually things will go well. So the first step is be okay with who you are and not think about what others will think.

 

Do you have any classes in common, even if it's not at the same time? Any teachers you both have? Anything in common at all? Starting with hi and a shared topic like that could make it easier to move into a conversation. Ask her something about herself, you'll be showing an interest in getting to know her and she can carry the conversation while you get comfortable. Be nice and try to relax. She's just another person, even if you think she's an awesome one.

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I couldn't agree more with the above^^^

 

There are millions or even billions of guys that have been through what you are going through and unfortunately many never figure it out, or figure it out to late.

 

Women are people just like us guys but they are so much more than us. One of their best traits is that by in large they are very nice and if you get the courage to talk to her or anyone else you are interested in and they are not interested in you they will be nice about it and politely decline in a subtle way.

 

I know it is easy to say be brave and just go for it but it just isn't that easy. You need an "in" to approach her. The cold walk up is tough I will not lie to you (even I have trouble with it) but you need to find a way to start somewhere. This is very important so listen carefully. Do not come off as stalker-ish. By that I mean don't watch her every move looking for an opening because she will pick up on it and you are done before you start. Walk by causally, look directly into her eyes when she looks up and smile and say hi. If you know her name because you had classes together in the past then say "Hi _______" If she smiles back and says "hi puzzleman" then stop and ask her how school s going, what kind of classes does she have, how are her teachers blah blah blah.

 

If she doesn't smile and gives you a puzzled look when she replies then your chances are reduced dramatically. The hard part is getting up the nerve and then next to decipher the reaction. A polite reply with no engagement means probably not interested. A friendly and somewhat enthusiastic reply means she is at least interested in talking so be prepared to ask questions and listen to her responses.

 

Much of this is done by feel and the only way to get the feel is to practice and honestly just not care all that much. It is like throwing a football. The harder you try and care how far it goes the more wobbly and short it flies but when you relax and just let the ball come out of your hand smoothly with no expectation on a perfect spiral or distance it often is one of your best throws ever.

 

This girl may or may not be interested but you can never win a game you never play...

 

Keep posting, take this girl off the pedestal you have put her on in your mind and work on your self confidence.

 

Lost

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You are only a freshman in high school and you’re mind is already burdened by girl problems. Many guys I know who started out similarly never made it. You will meet many more girls but if you do not finish your studies, you will have many more problems many times greater than this one. I know that this is not what you came here for but my best advice to you is concentrate on your studies, your career, your future and when you succeed, women might line up for you. Control your youthful urges and focus your energy on success not pleasure. You could be the next Elon Musk.

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Sorry but I don't agree with the above post....waiting is damaging...In the adult dating world, women don't date guys with training wheels. It will be way more difficult if you don't learn now. Being social and learning to interact with women and groups is crucial for adult life, not just personal, but in business, your career too. It says "I'm confident" and that gives you a leg up in getting a job, that promotion, the girl. It's reality man. The rest of the advice is spot on. Practice makes perfect. I agree, you can interact with girls that don't make you feel nervous as a starting point. Making new friends, putting yourself in social situations like parties, group gatherings, etc. Tough to do these days, but it's important to work on social interaction for good mental health. Remember, no one is judging you or thinking bad things about you, as nervous people seem to think. Just be yourself, but also be courteous, and make it about them when you are talking/asking questions. Have a set of generic questions ready so as to not have that awkward silence..be engaging, learn body language. Step by step, as you get to know more people, it will get so much easier. At this time your brain is still developing..if you learn to think differently and change your perspective to more positive ways of thinking...you will be successful in every aspect of your life...the best time to do this is now.

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Sorry but I don't agree with the above post....waiting is damaging...In the adult dating world, women don't date guys with training wheels. It will be way more difficult if you don't learn now. Being social and learning to interact with women and groups is crucial for adult life, not just personal, but in business, your career too. It says "I'm confident" and that gives you a leg up in getting a job, that promotion, the girl.

 

Depends on the woman. I've had numerous women tell me they don't mind if a guy is less experienced. Some even find it cute, sweet, and romantic. I had no experience at all with women until 22, yet found myself in a place where multiple girls were flirting with me. So it can happen. I've also gotten plenty of jobs and promotions despite being shy and not the most social person in the group. I'm nice and get along well with people and do the job well. That's been recognized even if I'm never going to be the social beautiful other people are.

 

I think the key really is to be happy with who you are. Put yourself in situations where you can shine and be the real you. That will develop a natural confidence that will show through. If you're doing what you love and makes you happy, you won't be thinking the negative thoughts that make you nervous.

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