Bf been seeing his ex behind my back

[Aliensrcool2]

Boyfriend has been seeing his ex...

 

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He is 14 years older than me. He had a girlfriend as the start I had a boyfriend. They had been together for 15 years. I didn’t want to be with him if he was with her. I told him this, but didn’t force. He said he chose me, didn’t want to be with her anymore. They took about 6 months to break up. During this time i was all over the place I really like this guy, he made me feel fuzzy and warm. I was quite young no excuse but I did a few things that I regret. I said to a guy I’d stay over at his house and I said to another guy from work I’ll go out on a night with him but he couldn’t tell (Peter: who I was wanting to be with) all of these people I didn’t like but they were my friends and I didn’t want to upset anyone. I never had many friends so I dunno I was stupid I know this. But I learnt my lesson and through our whole relationship I never did anything against Peter. I loved him with my whole heart....

 

 

So the other day I did a bad things and I went on his phone while sleeping.

 

Turns out, he was messaging his friends saying he misses his ex, and he prefers her company, but she didnt suck his and he would go back to her but he needs it sucked. And I was a basically, I made me horny all the time, he said he looks at woman all the time, he not happy, he was asking did I make a mistake leaving his ex. He doesn’t like being around me to much. He would tell everything the graphic deals of our sex life. He would say things like, my ex I liked he company, but my gf I just like her family and the sex.

He says these things weren’t meant for me to see and they are private. But he said these things because it guy chat and he may have been angry with me at that particular time.

 

Then I found out he had been seeing his ex through our whole relationship, going on holidays with her, while telling me he went on holiday to see his family, he went to Spain and Paris with her behind my back, 1 year and 2 years in, 3rd year he’s going bath and meeting up with her taking photos.

 

I asked him about it, he said he had no feelings for her but couldn’t tell her he was with someone else as it would kill her and she was his best friend so he had to let it fizzle out.

 

He doesn’t seem to understand this is wrong?

Or from a guys perspective is it not?

[melancholy123]

Have you kicked his lying cheating POS ass to the curb? If not, why not? This guy is a user and a loser and you have wasted 3 yrs of your life with him! Get rid of him. Move on. If you need help getting over him, get some therapy. You deserve so much better than this scum.

[Hollyj]

Wake up, he is a cheater, liar , and loser!

 

Lose this POS! What are you sticking around for!? He does not love, like or respect you.

[shellyf62]

So you both had partners when you met?

So you were both cheating when you got together?

And you are now amazed that he is still cheating?

 

Learn a huge lesson here. Only date single guys. Cheating only breeds lies & deceit

[Lambert]

How can you really consider this guy YOUR bf?

 

the texts to friends, while private are classless and crass imo.

 

who would want to be with this guy?

 

selfish, cheating, lying, disrespectful...

 

I can't imagine how you're able to rationalize holidays with ex, calling her his best friends, saying about needing oral sex and that what he lacks with her is sex but that's pretty much all he has with you. excusing his behavior as to not hurt her, but ok to lie and hurt you....

 

that is a lot.

[SherrySher]

Did you and he start off cheating on your bf and his gf? Because if so, you should have expected to be cheated on...it's who he is.

 

It's a harsh lesson, but if they will cheat with you, they will cheat on you, it was only a matter of time.

 

Also, realize that what he tells you, he is telling the other woman too. He's probably is making you out to be emotionally unstable and is telling her that's why he doesn't end it with you.

 

He's playing you both and both of you are believing him.

[Wiseman2]

You know you need to end it. He just keeps you around for BJ's? Is this what you are implying?

[Spawn]

He is a piece of suoer crapxxxx...dump him block him off for good stay single for a while , date singles who come without ex baggage and all that crap.

[MissCanuck]

You have no other option but to get this man out of your life.

 

He's been lying and cheating the entire time you've been dating. What you found in his phone wasn't "guy talk." Please don't buy that excuse. He has no respect for either of you two women, and you would be very foolish to stick around.

 

Dump, and move on. Hopefully you've learned an important lesson here: never get involved with a man who already has another woman. Never.

[Billie28]

He is still in a relationship with her. And you are his mistress.

 

“ I didn’t want to be with him if he was with her. I told him this, but didn’t force. He said he chose me, didn’t want to be with her anymore. They took about 6 months to break up. During this time i was all over the place I really like this guy, he made me feel fuzzy and warm.”

 

So he was clearly cracking onto you for a bit on the side back then. And instead of you thinking he was a dishonourable man , you kept in close contact because he made you feel fuzzy and warm?

Until one day he pretended to break up with her so he could get his way?

 

When he was cracking onto you , instead of feeling fuzzy and warm , a more appropriate feeling would have been one of disgust? That he would treat you that way while he was in a relationship? And treat his partner of 15 years that way!!!

 

Sorry , but you allowed this to happen.

 

What are you going to do about it?

[Aliensrcool2]

I knew we were doing wrong, because of how we got together. They way I felt for him I never felt before. And he told me the same.

He was the nicest person I’ve meet, to me he was a gentleman, funny, made me feel good. We were a great team.

I had no idea what he was doing. Not even a slight feeling that something was wrong.

I know you are right, what did I expect?

I guess I did have high expectations. I didn’t plan to fall in love with him. I didn’t even plan on being with anyone.

I know our relationship is over. There’s nothing there now.

But I do still love him, I can’t just switch my feelings off.

I just need to rebuild myself up and learn from this.

It hurts a lot and i should have none.

My flaw is I’m a very empathic person. I understand why people do things and people use this against me.

[Lambert]

.

My flaw is I’m a very empathic person. I understand why people do things and people use this against me.

 

I think i understand what you mean about this^ your 'flaw"

 

I can relate. Its like a meme I saw that said because you understand why people do things, you can't be mad.

 

I think at some point in my life, I felt that way, too. Like somehow I was so smart, so understanding, so kind. And to be less understanding, accepting, & or giving meant i was letting the world make me bitter or something.

 

I do want to see the best people and give people chances to improve etc. Very noble. Right? but.... there's always a but... some people don't deserve you. and just because you understand, doesn't mean you have to tolerate it.

 

People take advantage of you because you let them. not because you understand them... the truth is they understand you perfectly.

[Rose Mosse]

I'm sorry to hear this.

 

Give yourself time to heal and let all of the info sink in and then move forwards with your life. Don't internalize it and maybe stay single for awhile. Don't date back to back without some break in there. Take a time out for yourself.

[abitbroken]

I knew we were doing wrong, because of how we got together. They way I felt for him I never felt before. And he told me the same.

He was the nicest person I’ve meet, to me he was a gentleman, funny, made me feel good. We were a great team.

I had no idea what he was doing. Not even a slight feeling that something was wrong.

I know you are right, what did I expect?

I guess I did have high expectations. I didn’t plan to fall in love with him. I didn’t even plan on being with anyone.

I know our relationship is over. There’s nothing there now.

But I do still love him, I can’t just switch my feelings off.

I just need to rebuild myself up and learn from this.

It hurts a lot and i should have none.

My flaw is I’m a very empathic person. I understand why people do things and people use this against me.

 

 

If you understand why people do things -- then why do you allow them to walk all over you? If you can see what will happen from a mile away - get off the train track.

 

I am going to be blunt here -- he was very clear to his buddies about you -- mentally/intellectually you don't really connect - but you suck his ding dong, so that is why he stays -- to get serviced by a willing hot young body. You are a worthy young woman, but he is not worthy of you. He is treating you like the side chick. He took 6 months to break up with his ex -- no, he didn't, he was still fully with her during that time and was seeing how it went with you -- they only broke up after 6 months or really fully didn't. He is going on vacations with her and having sex with her and the excuse that "he can't tell her because it would hurt her" is playing into the naivete he thinks you have --- he doesn't intend to tell her about you. He plans to keep you a secret from her - he ditches you when convenient and lies to you.

 

So please -- leave this guy for good. Cold turkey. Be single for a year and develop good boundaries and only go out on second dates with younger men who are into your mind, sense of humor, personality and talents. A guy who is closer to your age will be better suited to you. I get the "all the guys my age are immature --" so date a guy 2-5 years older -- he will be more of a peer than an older guy who can convince you he knows better than you