Male Work Colleague Sending Mixed Messages:

[Jibralta]

It never occurred to me that he may have offered his personal number in an attempt to disassociate himself from venting at work. I guess that is a possibility?

 

I 'd say it's more than a possibility. He literally told you to use his phone number to vent:

 

He ended up giving me his number and said that was the best way to reach him if I wanted to vent.

 

Although I never twisted his arm to agree with some of my sentiments.

 

It doesn't matter if you try to persuade him or not, or if he agrees with you or not.

 

Look up "guilty by association."

 

He probably doesn't want to look like a malcontent, and is trying to extricate himself from these emails without hurting your feelings.

 

Honestly, it's just a bad idea to complain to someone like this at work, using your work email.

[Wiseman2]

Agree it's a very simple fix. Only use work email for business talk knowing employers can and do monitor email.

 

Distance yourself from this guy socially and mentally.

[Candle]

Thank you everyone for your advice. It really has been helpful. I feel terrible now for engaging in venting with him over work email. And I've had a sudden realization that I do seem to hinge off this guy's acceptance of me. It makes me feel pathetic as I'm not like this with anyone else I work with.

 

If he didn't like the idea of participating in the venting, I still struggle to understand why he would offer his phone number to get me to stop? In my mind, that goes against all logic? Why would you give your personal contact number to someone if you had doubts about them? You wouldn't want them contacting you in your private time? I misread the situation and thought it signalled an invitation for a friendship. Urgh! Kicking myself for this and making myself look stupid. :(

[boltnrun]

It's fine, you know now you don't want to engage in anymore personal communication with this coworker. Live and learn.

 

Just keep it professional from now on, don't contact him for any reason other than work product. You'll be fine.

[Lambert]

Thank you everyone for your advice. It really has been helpful. I feel terrible now for engaging in venting with him over work email. And I've had a sudden realization that I do seem to hinge off this guy's acceptance of me. It makes me feel pathetic as I'm not like this with anyone else I work with.

 

If he didn't like the idea of participating in the venting, I still struggle to understand why he would offer his phone number to get me to stop? In my mind, that goes against all logic? Why would you give your personal contact number to someone if you had doubts about them? You wouldn't want them contacting you in your private time? I misread the situation and thought it signalled an invitation for a friendship. Urgh! Kicking myself for this and making myself look stupid. :(

Stop kicking yourself! its ok. you see it now. change your tune. And always remember mixed signals or confusing acts are games.

 

If he really wanted a friend or a date or anything, he'd ask you for your number. giving your number to a woman is a player move.

 

yes women can call men, ask them out, pursue first... there's no shame in that. I think in those instances it's more cause maybe it didn't occur to the guy the woman was interested. Once it's out there, he should put in effort, too.

 

giving your number to someone is saying pursue me....

 

Ps... delete his number

[catfeeder]

The most advantageous thing I've ever learned that has helped me to advance my career by leaps and bounds is: work is not a therapeutic environment.

 

Take your venting outside of work to people who are not your colleagues, and make only pleasant but professional relationships at work.

 

Close friendships may form over years, but beware of instant intimacies and don't engage anyone who pursues that. It lacks good judgment, and investing in people with lousy judgment can take you down if not limit your promotability and harm your reputation.

 

Develop your social life outside of work, and you won't be hungry for it inside of work.

 

Head high, we all live and learn.

[Jibralta]

Stop kicking yourself! its ok. you see it now. change your tune. And always remember mixed signals or confusing acts are games.

 

If he really wanted a friend or a date or anything, he'd ask you for your number. giving your number to a woman is a player move.

 

Agreed. He wasn't very clear--some people have a hard time saying no.

 

I'd delete his number, too. He's in a relationship, having a baby. Not worth pursuing.