Jump to content

Complicated: emotionally attached but no attraction


Creamybutter
 Share

Recommended Posts

Thats the thing! a lot of people think its my responsibility to be KIND and stop being his friend. So im really confused.

 

No I did not say that. I don't think you ever were his good friend - and you don't "stop being his friend" - you're an adult = you tell him directly "I'd love to stay in touch but it's probably not appropriate because I don't want to lead you on to think I want to date you again". Then it's up to him.

 

You're making this confusing probably so you have an excuse to not have that kind of conversation and do the right thing -it's easier to keep hanging out with him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thats the thing! a lot of people think its my responsibility to be KIND and stop being his friend. So im really confused.

 

You are both responsible for your own feelings. If you think things are going well, continue what you are doing. If you start feeling uncomfortable, be honest with him and distance if you have to. He should do the same.

 

Don't overthink it. I find people generally have a good idea of what they are feeling and what they can handle. As long as you're honest with yourself and with him, let things happen naturally.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It depends on the person.

 

Some people might think "Well, she wouldn't be hanging out with me if she didn't have feelings for me! She must find me attractive because she keeps coming around." And they have friends who tell them the same thing.

 

I had a male friend who suggested we date. I politely told him I viewed him as a friend but not as a romantic partner. He kept bringing it up. I kept politely telling him no. One time he invited me over to watch a sports event. I clearly told him it would be as friends. He agreed. Then when I was there he asked me if I wanted a massage. I told him no. He insisted. I told him "no" more firmly, then I got up to use the restroom. When I returned to the living room he had brought out a bottle of baby oil and told me "take your top off." I told him I already said no. And he said "I can't believe you don't want a massage! Take your top off!" So I got up to leave. He was upset and asked me why I was leaving and I told him it was because I'd said no multiple times but he wasn't respecting my wishes. And I left. That was extremely uncomfortable.

 

So although some people will say they're fine with being friends they may still think you're spending time with them because you really do have feelings for them but you're "scared" or "afraid of commitment" or "shy".

 

Be cautious.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It depends on the person.

 

Some people might think "Well, she wouldn't be hanging out with me if she didn't have feelings for me! She must find me attractive because she keeps coming around." And they have friends who tell them the same thing.

 

I had a male friend who suggested we date. I politely told him I viewed him as a friend but not as a romantic partner. He kept bringing it up. I kept politely telling him no. One time he invited me over to watch a sports event. I clearly told him it would be as friends. He agreed. Then when I was there he asked me if I wanted a massage. I told him no. He insisted. I told him "no" more firmly, then I got up to use the restroom. When I returned to the living room he had brought out a bottle of baby oil and told me "take your top off." I told him I already said no. And he said "I can't believe you don't want a massage! Take your top off!" So I got up to leave. He was upset and asked me why I was leaving and I told him it was because I'd said no multiple times but he wasn't respecting my wishes. And I left. That was extremely uncomfortable.

 

So although some people will say they're fine with being friends they may still think you're spending time with them because you really do have feelings for them but you're "scared" or "afraid of commitment" or "shy".

 

Be cautious.

Good example of when people only hear what they want to hear and in Batyas case, he wasn't listening to what she clearly stated, but instead interpreted her actions (coming over) as something encouraging.

You are responsible for yourself but you also need to be aware if people are prone to hear or see only what they want to.

Everyone can experience two entirely different things from the same moment. It just depends on what lense they are looking through.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

When I returned to the living room he had brought out a bottle of baby oil and told me "take your top off." I told him I already said no. And he said "I can't believe you don't want a massage! Take your top off!" So I got up to leave. He was upset and asked me why I was leaving

 

Holy crap! I would have RUN the hell out of there, lol... unbelievable!!! What a frickin sociopath.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...