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Friends with Benefits


jackjohnson4

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hi guys

 

I've been chatting to a girl on and off for the past 4-5 months. We have a bit of history a few (5-6) years ago when we dated and slept together etc.

 

I know she is sleeping with guys at the moment and I'm sleeping with girls, there is no emotional connection or anything like that and I have been quite distant lately knowing she is sleeping with other people. I saw her in person this week and could tell instantly tell there is still a physical attraction between us.

 

I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get back to the FWB stage and building that physical attraction. I know she isn't after anything serious and neither am I but I think we secretly both want the same thing.

 

I am very keen but don't want to seem desperate

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Why do you care about seeming desperate?

 

If you are hooking up with other girls , why are you interested in a FWB?

Just so it’s more regular without effort? I mean that’s fine as long as both up to it.

 

How do you know that she is hooking up with others?

If your conversations are that open then why not come straight out and ask her is she interested in being a

 

A FWB scenario only works when there is honesty from the start.

So if you struggle to be honest with her then forget about it!

 

And if you are honest with her and she thinks you are desperate then so be it.

 

No big deal!?

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there is no emotional connection or anything like that and I have been quite distant lately knowing she is sleeping with other people. I saw her in person this week and could tell instantly tell there is still a physical attraction between us.

 

I'm wondering if anyone has any tips on how to get back to the FWB stage and building that physical attraction. I know she isn't after anything serious and neither am I but I think we secretly both want the same thing.

 

What's the point of starting to sleep with her again if you still feel this way about her having sex with other guys? What's changed for you?

 

You were the one who distanced yourself, assumingly because it was awkward for you, so you need to ask yourself why you want to sign up for more of the same. If she was having sex with you before, you can assume you don't need to "build" physical attraction - it is already there.

 

Are you sure you only want FWB with her, and not something more?

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If you're thinking, planning and needing tips with a girl. You're probably not being honest with yourself about your feelings for her.

 

FWB are people who are not having casual sex with others and are not interested in a relationship either.

 

So I venture to guess you have feelings for this girl and you're really not having a lot of casual sex. but you're going to go the fwb route to then date her.

 

Also be careful with multiple partners or being with people that have multiple partners. sexually transmitted diseases are running rampant in many communities. Chlamydia especially. Always use a condom.

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Invite her over to hang out and see where it goes from there. Get some take out, watch some tv on the couch and if it feels right lean in for a kiss and see if she responds.

 

Or

 

Be brave and make a proposal to her. "I am not interested in anything serious right now and neither are you so how would you feel about a FWB kind of thing? What is the worst thing that could happen?

 

 

Lost

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If there is no emotional connection, why would you you distance yourself because she slept with other guys? That is the whole foundation of your relationship, that you can sleep with other people. If you have had this relationship in the past, why would you be worried about being seen as desperate? You have essentially used each other for sex, so desperation is built into the equation. If this is really want you want, just act like you did before. It worked then, why wouldn't it work now?

 

Although it seems to be me that you might not be as emotionless in this as you claim. You've shown signs of jealousy, nervousness, and a concern for how you appear to her. You've gone to an advice forum to get help over her. That's a little more serious. I'd be asking myself if I was honestly okay with this relationship as it's been. Friends with benefits don't work out long term as feelings will always come up eventually. Maybe you've reached the point where it's either take it to another level, or leave it in the past?

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