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Miss my ex. Think I got a chance?


crazyguy123
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So we have been in no contact for nearly 2 weeks

 

The first 8 months were great! Seemed like nothing was an issue at all.

 

She invested a lot in my life. Planned family events, cottage trips, and all that.

 

Last few weeks, I started to feel her distancing herself from me. She was constantly on her phone whenever I see her once or twice a week, Leaves my house early, and stuff

 

She contacted me one day and came over. She asked for space but still wanted to be with me. She told me she feels overwhelmed. She feels that like she is struggling to communicate with me because she is too scared to tell me.

 

A few days go by and she messages me a few times.

 

Then I message her telling her that I want this relationship over. I told her this isn't a relationship if she wasn't able to be open and honest with me and to hold it back and bring it up when she gets overwhelmed. She didn't try to fight for it.

 

I asked her if she still wanted me in her life. And she replied " I don't know" so I just m ended it and said we are done. I want a relationship where someone wants me in their life and is willing to work through things

 

I told her I wish her all the best in life. I told her I wish she can find her happiness with or without me and she deserves the best.

 

I made her laugh quite a bit before I went back home.

 

I told her if she changes her mind to give me a call.

 

I haven't spoken to her in a week and a half.

 

What are your thoughts?

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Yes good question. You need to get your act together. Get back to work or a side job or any job you can find.

Start taking better care of yourself mentally and physically. Get or return to your interests and friends. Spend more time on self improvement.

Smothering her to alleviate your boredom will backfire.

Why does she feel "smothered?"
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If she felt smothered it’s because she was smothered.

 

She asked for space ( to breathe , be her own person)

She DID eventually communicate this to you.

 

But your response after still being in contact via messages for a mere few days is that you don’t want to be with her when she she can’t communicate with you!?

 

Yet she DID!?! The reason why she was scared to is because of your reaction which she rightfully assumed?

 

Given the fact that you have not respected her wishes to have a bit of space , not be in each other’s pockets , knee jerk reaction is to dump her, of course she doesn’t want to continue with you.

 

You yourself said you want to be in a relationship with someone who wants to be with you and willing to work through things.

She wants that too. But while you wanted to be with her , you didn’t want to work through things. Instead you dumped her.

 

Honestly , given the fact that you didn’t respect her wishes and didn’t try to work through it.

She will be feeling relieved right now that the relationship is over because it was never going to be a two way thing.

 

Your way or the highway. She chose the highway.

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What went wrong though? Did you give yourself time to reflect on what happened?

 

Why would she say she doesn't know if she wants you in her life? Did you have any arguments in the past?

 

You mentioned she invested a lot in your life. Did YOU invest in hers or in the ways that she was looking for from you?

 

It doesn't sound like she feels smothered to me. In your first post you said she feels "overwhelmed". A person can very well overwhelm themselves or feel intimidated enough by someone's reactions that they feel overwhelmed. It may not mean they feel smothered and that was not the word she or you used. She may also have very poor coping mechanisms for stress and that's on her, not you.

 

Don't approach her at all. Take some time to go over what happened between the both of you. It sounds more to me that she didn't feel you were making as much of an effort as she was and she tired of it or she wasn't getting what she needed in the relationship and was fearful of your reactions (anxiety, not able to deal with stressful situations etc).

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My thoughts are: Her indecisiveness means she isn't sure about you and you two so it doesn't look good. Any time a person has to second guess a relationship, it's not working.

 

You broke up with her. Don't break up and then tell someone that if they change their mind, they can call you. If that's the case, you shouldn't have broken up and instead, you could've worked something out with her. Whenever you break up, it's very abrupt and very final.

 

I hope there is hope for her to call you. However, don't be surprised if she doesn't call you because you're the one who decided to end it and tell her you two were done, not her.

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I don’t want to hurt your feelings but she was trying to exit this relationship and you did it for her. Please now that you did the right thing and you cannot go back. Think about why you did it in the first place. It became what u didn’t want. Take time and heal yourself and then meet someone new that will treat you the way you treat them.

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A few days go by and she messages me a few times.

 

Then I message her telling her that I want this relationship over. I told her this isn't a relationship if she wasn't able to be open and honest with me and to hold it back and bring it up when she gets overwhelmed. She didn't try to fight for it.

 

I asked her if she still wanted me in her life. And she replied " I don't know" so I just m ended it and said we are done. I want a relationship where someone wants me in their life and is willing to work through things

 

She was unsure of things and did reach out to you. You responded by saying it was over. Why would she put herself out there again when it was pretty clear where you stood? For someone already confused about their feelings, that reaction just makes them pull back more and more afraid to talk things over with you. You essentially gave an ultimatum and no one responds well to those. I would have tried to have a heart to heart and get to why she was scared or overwhelmed. But by just ending things, can you be surprised that she hasn't called? And if you are the one still thinking about her, maybe you should have thought about that decision more before acting so rashly?

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Going to give you some tough love okay. Shut up and move on.

 

Going back reading your other posts you seem like hanging on is something you like to do. Cutting someone off or letting them go is not quite your specialty. Accepting that things are over is also not something you are comfortable doing. You broke it off with this girl, and you move on from her. You don't worry about if you have a chance, or if she will contact you, if you two will ever go out on a date.. you move forward.

 

Think back to your posts from 2017.. you went on and on about your X. You should let your X continue to be an X and not look at them as a "future potential" I know that familiarity is easier to fall back on and being single can be fearful to others but look at your posts. You have dated and I wanted to ask you when was the last gap you had when you were not dating/talking/seeing a girl?

 

This girl, regardless of reason she gave you, told you that she did not want to be with you. You can say what you want to soften the blow, but if she said "I met someone else" to "I have to find myself" is all the same... "I don't want to be with you"

 

You have no problems meeting people. You have dated consistently over the past 3 years so why not just let this one go, and move forward and don't worry about what she is doing or thinking? Letting go is one of the hardest things you will have to learn how to do.

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