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He went back to his ex, what do i do?


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The guy I've been talking to for 5 months and dating for 2 months, after wanting to see me on tuesday) and after having a spectacular date last saturday, dissapeared on my this weekend. We've had the exclusive talk.. and he told me "we aren't just a fling" & I was telling my friends this time I wasnt reaching out, I wanted to see if he would actually text me and make plans and he didnt.. he didn't even ask me what I was up to. This sunday, I noticed his ex (as I stalk her sometimes) posted they were out having drinks together, and he reposted it on his story. Did this a hole actually repost it on his story so that I would get the hint? As he hasnt checked my instagram stories what-so-ever.

 

 

I can't believe this is happening, I know it has nothing to do with me or my worth

but I'm in complete shock on the way he would handle this.. Immaturely. as if he can't politely tell me the truth!?

Some of my friends are telling me I should text him, others are telling me not to and block him on everything.

I havent done anything at all, but I'm going more towards the route of not speaking to him until he ever reaches out. if EVER.

 

The ex is truth be told, not as pretty... quite basic but I cant judge because

at the end of the day it's about their connection and I cant compete with that, in fact I wasnt ever even planning on it. Shes just not at my level so I'm

turned off almost with the idea he would downgrade to go back to a relationship he would complain to me was "toxic", and "too much drama".

 

 

What are your thoughts on how I can handle this maturely? I want to do nothing about it,

And has anyone even had something like happen to them

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Were you the one only reaching out? "I was telling my friends this time I wasn't reaching out, I wanted to see if he would actually text me and make plans and he didnt.."

 

You handle it, by blocking and deleting.

 

If someone is talking about their ex, they are not over them. Sorry, but it sounds like you were a rebound.

 

Did you sleep with him?

Edited by Hollyj
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The guy I've been talking to for 5 months and dating for 2 months, after wanting to see me on tuesday) and after having a spectacular date last saturday, dissapeared on my this weekend. We've had the exclusive talk.. and he told me "we aren't just a fling" & I was telling my friends this time I wasnt reaching out, I wanted to see if he would actually text me and make plans and he didnt..

 

This all stands out to me, especially the italicized and underlined bit.

 

This suggests you've been the one initiating a lot - is that accurate? And that you often wind up waiting to hear from him, only to get tired of waiting and reach out yourself to ask to see him? What's the last two months been like between you and him?

 

While I know he said it's not a fling, it also doesn't sound like he was taking you very seriously. It was pretty ballsy to post about his ex where you knew he could see it, so yes, I would wager he's rudely trying to give you the hint that he's not really that into whatever you two had going. I would not bother speaking to him again. The message is loud and clear.

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I'm sorry about this. It wasn't what you thought it was. There are a lot of different kinds of people out there and many of them aren't the sound or good kind either. I'd hold off dating in the time of covid if you're finding that meeting decent people is challenging. You're not the only one who's finding this to be a reality. Take care of yourself more and don't internalize this bullsh-t.

 

Whatever he is or whatever she is is none of your concern anymore (thankfully and conveniently). Thank your lucky stars that you saw what you saw. Now use it to your advantage and be a little older/wiser. There's no harm in bumping around discovering new people. Be more careful and less naive.

 

My thoughts on handling this - don't do anything and don't build up all that frustration either. Unleashing it on him later is wasted energy because this person doesn't deserve even that from you. Channel the frustration and energy through other rewarding and viable means. If you work, channel it into your work. If you volunteer, look at other opportunities to help others or the community. If you are thinking of picking up an old hobby or starting a new one, channel the energy that way. Don't amass that energy inside you and spend it on him anymore. Re-direct.

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Wow... well hon... i know it hurts. this is an important lesson.... some people are just not what they project, present or say they are.... newly divorced or separated people can be some of the least stable people.

 

They can be very convincing that they were in a loveless marriage, the ex is psycho, its been sexless and therefore over for years. The divorce decree is just a technicality.... etc... etc...

 

Don't you believe it! They are going through a huge life change and their feelings are not reliable... I fell for a guy divorced for two years. Or so he said.... he and his ex were on friendly terms, after he walked in on her cheating on him with a mutual friend. (in hindsight how is that reasonable to think? )

 

One day out of the blue, the ex wife calls, she wants her stuff out of the house. she's moving out of state. I thought nothing of it... I was actually glad.

 

within a week or so my bf was losing his mind with emotions from seeing her. I think they might have slept together. I'm not sure, all I know is it was curtains for us.

 

He said he couldn't trust me because of her cheating... but that's what made me think he cheated on me and couldn't deal with it. It was all pretty bizarre and hurtful... i never got a real answer about why we broke up or anything. And it crushed my self esteem, confidence, etc

 

like your situation, it had nothing to do with me. except one thing.... i did not do my due diligence on his mental state... in hindsight, he protested too much that they were "friends". He may have meant what he said, when he said it, but the truth was, he was probably lying to himself.

 

Are these guys bad guys? I don't know. What I do know is, people make mistakes. Not everyone takes the time to face their demons. They look to soothe their pain with attention from others. Its not always intentional. They are not healthy emotionally. And its on us to be more selective... and honest with the situation for what it actually is.

 

My advice to you is to not contact him and if he contacts you, ask him not to contact you again.

 

My ex, never contacted me. I did learn he is or was with someone else shortly after me. It hurt. But in the end, that experience changed me in a way that I'm actually grateful for... had I been more honest with myself, about the red flags, I was seeing regarding his mental state, I should have dumped him.

 

Today, I am a different person than I was with him... Yes. it sucked and I am sorry for what you're going through, but focus on the lesson, not the hurt. Don't give him anymore of your time. He's proved he's a mess. Believe him!

 

Deal with your feelings and hurt. Hang with your family and friends. Spend time alone. Journal and nap. Find some new interests or ones you've been neglecting. When you're ready to date again, raise your standards. Find out where people are emotionally before you get attached. Don't be a healer..

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Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately she may not have been an ex. It was just a couple dates, simply delete and block him.

I noticed his ex (as I stalk her sometimes) posted they were out having drinks together, and he reposted it on his story.

Some of my friends are telling me I should text him, others are telling me not to and block him on everything.

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What you do is lose his number.

 

He isn't and wasn't over his ex. You were just a temp stand in. Sure that stings, but really.....stay away from people fresh out of a relationship no matter what bs they feed you about how moved on they are. Chances are, they aren't that moved on. Also, relationships aren't a competition. It doesn't matter who is prettier or better or whatever surface things - it's about emotional connection. He is still connected with her and therefore never really was with you.

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You handle this by shifting focus to you.

Go persue your passions enjoy that fav food of yours, may be learn makin one, spend sometime with your parents, help them with their house chores , do so some volunteering.There is lot more to do believe me and be patient with yourself.

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I don't know how long they were broken up before you two got together but it's pretty obvious you were a rebound relationship.

 

Lose his number and don't ever give him any acknowledgement, not even the time of day.

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that you often wind up waiting to hear from him, only to get tired of waiting and reach out yourself to ask to see him?...

 

While I know he said it's not a fling, it also doesn't sound like he was taking you very seriously. It was pretty ballsy to post about his ex where you knew he could see it, so yes, I would wager he's rudely trying to give you the hint that he's not really that into whatever you two had going. I would not bother speaking to him again. The message is loud and clear.

 

That's exactly IT. Bingo, you nailed it. Thats how I've been feeling, he'll show up but only when I text him and then anytime he's with his friends who have girlfriends he'll invite me so he's not alone. only on THREE ocassions he's actually texted me first. The past two months the inconsistent texting has been going on and I addressed it with him but nothing changed. Time to move on

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That's exactly IT. Bingo, you nailed it. Thats how I've been feeling, he'll show up but only when I text him and then anytime he's with his friends who have girlfriends he'll invite me so he's not alone. only on THREE ocassions he's actually texted me first. The past two months the inconsistent texting has been going on and I addressed it with him but nothing changed. Time to move on

 

I think it's safe to say this was purely casual dating for him, unfortunately. His disinterest is leaping off the screen here.

 

At the end of the day, maybe it's a blessing in disguise that you learned he's been spending time with his ex. At least you will know not to invest any more time or emotional energy into him.

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One of the most important screening questions to ask a potential date is how long it's been since his last breakup. If it's less than a year, that's a yellow flag. Less than 6 months is a red flag. If he talks about her without prompting, then that's your clue that he's not over her, and investing in him positions you as a potential rebound.

 

I'm sorry you're hurting, but he never sounded all-in based on his spotty contact.

 

Head high, this wasn't about you.

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We've had the exclusive talk.. and he told me "we aren't just a fling" & I was telling my friends this time I wasnt reaching out, I wanted to see if he would actually text me and make plans and he didnt.. he didn't even ask me what I was up to. This sunday, I noticed his ex (as I stalk her sometimes) posted they were out having drinks together, and he reposted it on his story. Did this a hole actually repost it on his story so that I would get the hint? As he hasnt checked my instagram stories what-so-ever.

 

After all those pretty words, it seems like he turned out to be a liar after all. Just goes to show.... talk is cheap.

 

Some of my friends are telling me I should text him, others are telling me not to and block him on everything.

I havent done anything at all, but I'm going more towards the route of not speaking to him until he ever reaches out. if EVER.

......

What are your thoughts on how I can handle this maturely? I want to do nothing about it

 

Gosh, you have lots of options. Any of the above are ok. It's really up to you and what makes you feel better.

 

MOST OF ALL, you should chalk this up to a lesson learned about different kinds of people, and what some are capable of.

 

What you shouldn't do is take it personally, as a sign of your self worth.

 

You shouldn't attempt to compete against this girl for his attention or affection.

 

You shouldn't try to fix him or help him 'understand' or become 'a better person.'

 

Recognize him for what he is: a limited human being. There are lots of people like him out there and they are unfixable. They're not actually broken. It's just how they are.

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