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Greetings Enotaloners. Cant stress how it feels so good to be able to get advice and tips from you guys in times of confusion.

 

So I previously posted about my relationship which lasted about 9 months until it unfortunately ended. My ex called it off over a small argument and I didnt bother fighting it. As much as I thought I loved her, looking back, it was not a fulfilling relationship for me. The break up wasnt as painful as I thought it would be and Im quite ok wuth it now.

 

So a month after the break up I went onto an online dating site and met a girl there. She gave me her numbers and we connected instantly. Our first call was an hour long and most of our calls are seldom less than an hour long. She honestly ticked the boxes that my ex didnt. She initiates, shes very cheerful, shes funny, shes open and we share the same opinion on many topics. Our sense of humour is on the same level. She told me she likes me because i listen, i seem kind, Im easy to talk to and Im composed. We have been communicating everyday for 3 weeks but I have still not seen her. Shes in a stable home and doesnt display signs of baggage. Iv dealt with broken women in my past Iv learnt to identify the red flags.

 

Everything seems perfect except for one problem, shes been cancelling our meetings (3 times now recent one being today)

 

Cancellation 1

She was offline the whole day on the day we had to meet. She texted me in the evening, apologising and even setting a new date. She said she ran out of data and that she was also was on her periods. Shaky reason, but gave her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Cancellation 2

Her sister's friend passed away. Day before meeting day she tells me that she had to go to the sister's friend's funeral. This one seems true because she told me way before the day of the meeting. This one Im convinced of.

 

Cancellation 3 (today)

We spoke in the morning and I asked for her location and she just disappeared offline. She later called me to apologize saying she had flu and tried to sleep it off. She said she didnt send the location because she wasnt sure if she would be fine by the time she woke up. She had been telling me about this flu 3 days prior...

 

This is really not making sense to me I can say for sure that she likes me. Its clear to me. But I keep getting disappointed. Iv been quiet today towards her and she just sent me a text asking if we are fighting now as I type this sentence. I dont know how to handle this situation. What should I do?

 

Regards

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Have you met her in person at all?

 

And how can you be "fighting"? You're not even dating let alone in a relationship.

 

Maybe she wants to collect text buddies so she can feel popular.

 

Havent met her in person. Also shes not big on social media (no insta, no facebook just whatsapp)

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Sorry to hear this. With this many cancellations, it would be best to view this as a catfish/scammer. Just disconnect and start chatting with women from dating sites who can meet up in a timely fashion.

Havent met her in person. Also shes not big on social media (no insta, no facebook just whatsapp)
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Sorry to hear this. With this many cancellations, it would be best to view this as a catfish/scammer. Just disconnect and start chatting with women from dating sites who can meet up in a timely fashion.

 

We have video called a few times...

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One of my friends "met" a woman online. They chatted frequently. She then said she wanted to fly out to meet him. She gave him a date and the time her flight would arrive.

 

She never showed and he never heard from her again.

 

Yes, people do things like this.

 

It's likely you will never meet her in person.

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Liars like this have an incredible way of setting up their lies in advance, so that you don't question them. Strike 3 and you're out. There are other pretty women out there who are single and actually want to meet you. ASAP.

 

As a former OLD user, just letting you know that phone connections mean mostly nothing. They are a good way to briefly gauge whether you actually want to meet this person or not, but it's all fantasyland until you actually meet, and even then, you can't even begin to know if someone ticks all the boxes until you get way beyond the honeymoon stage and have seen a person in many stressful/upsetting times and how they will handle those situations.

 

I had plenty of really good phone conversations before I met a guy, but 9 times out of 10, at the actual in-person meeting, one or both of us didn't share chemistry. Or after a few dates, I found out they were jerks. In the future, don't get too excited at the beginning. Have a wait-and-see attitude. Good luck.

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We have been communicating everyday for 3 weeks but I have still not seen her. Shes in a stable home and doesnt display signs of baggage. Iv dealt with broken women in my past Iv learnt to identify the red flags.

 

Everything seems perfect except for one problem, shes been cancelling our meetings (3 times now recent one being today)

 

You seem to be missing the red flags on this one, TheG.

 

This woman is either not exactly who she says she is, or she's not single. Three cancellations is too coincidental. Sorry, but I would move on. She's wasting your time and giving you excuses that are only vaguely plausible.

 

Keep in mind that unless and until you spend time with someone in person, you have no clue if they're broken, have baggage, and all the other things you're assuming you know about her. The truth is, you don't know this person. You don't know if what she's told you about herself is true, you don't know her real daily habits, her family or friends - those are the sorts of things that would shed real insight on who she is as a person, and when you lack those things, you have nothing but the idea of someone.

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I'd be done and I likely wouldn't have chatted that long before meeting in person. I've been flaked on a number of times in trying to make new platonic friends (I met over 100 men in person through dating sites back in the day though when I was single) and I typically give it one maybe two chances then put the ball in their court as far as meeting in person.

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for whatever reason she is putting off meeting. I wouldn't ask her out again and just move on.

 

If it's this hard to meet one time, dating will be the same. she's either not really into dating or she is luke warm about you. If it's the former, you don't want a project. If it's the latter, she'll only use you until she meets someone else.

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Seems strange if only for the dishonest feel about it. The only thing I can chalk this up to is Covid anxiety? Not everyone is what they say they are and there are a lot of strange, strange people out there right now. I saw somewhere that 60% of the members on a dating app prefer video conferencing for dates instead of meeting up. If she's not comfortable meeting up with you she should be honest and upfront about it.

 

I wouldn't give this person another try. Be careful and stay safe out there. It's just not worth it for someone like this (and many others). Use your instincts!

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