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Last week my husband went to an energy healer because he's been suffering for many years. I told the healer that the solution will lie with both of us and he gave us one piece of information that opened floodgates that I can't close. He offered to read our fortunes based on the moment and location of birth.

He came back to me with "I see you don't feel safe in this world." He also said that he couldn't read my fortune that he needed to consult with someone more experienced. I figured that out, since I never go anywhere and can't make friends. But now, I feel like my whole life is a mistake. I have been at the same job for almost 20 years and have little to no success.

I started a diary questioning what would have happened if key points in my life would have turned out differently. That's where I came to this conclusion. I feel like the only person who loves me in this world is my cat, and love nothing better when she sleeps on me.

 

I am not suicidal just in a lot of pain.

 

Thanks for reading.

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Why do you feel like the only being that loves you is your cat? You don't feel that your husband actually loves you? I think you need to examine your marriage if you feel this way. What about your family, friends? I think maybe what the healer made you realise is that you would like your life to be different. So why don't you work on that? I am spiritual but I don't really believe that your life or destiny is set in stone by some kind of pre determined lifeline. If that were true then we would all just be puppets of fate. But we're not. We have our own will and can make our own choices. I think a person can always make more friends or turn their life around. How would you like your life to look? And what can you do to work towards it?

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Good grief, don’t follow this nonsense.

 

Have you sought a therapist?

 

The reason why you haven’t gotten further, is because you never took the initiative to find a better job. People do not come knocking on your door.

 

Time to make some positive change , and stop wasting money on the fortune tellers

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This "healer" is manipulating a vulnerable person - your husband, and now you are letting them manipulate you. The reason why you didn't take chances is due to lack of confidence, not because "you do not belong in the world" or because those choices were just not right for you. There is no sense dwelling on it. Maybe the fact your husband is depressed or whatever he is suffering from brings you down also. I would do what you can to steer your husband away from such charlatans

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I started a diary questioning what would have happened if key points in my life would have turned out differently.

 

That does not sound like a good idea. You can't know what would have happened, maybe the outcome wouldn't have been as great as you'd think. You should rather start a diary questioning what you can do right now to improve your current and future life.

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Mostly memories and feelings of being abused and ignored. I couldn't even ask my doctor for help before she shut me down.

 

Seek another doctor. This is not a good doc! At the very least you should have received some compassionate care or have been able to speak about your symptoms or worries. A good GP will give you other resources or referrals to see a specialist or psychiatrist, even local resources that may be subsidized by your company if you have extended health benefits.

 

Don't give up on yourself. It sounds like you're going through a grieving process and still processing things that have happened in the past. Hope you are able to see someone soon.

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Mostly memories and feelings of being abused and ignored. I couldn't even ask my doctor for help before she shut me down.

 

Look, you are not alone in experiencing terrible things in your life. This happens thousands of times a day, all over the world, to millions of people. I say that not to diminish how you are feeling... it can be incredibly lonely to feel those feelings and feel trapped by the thoughts rolling around in your head.

 

What's interesting is that I used to always have those thoughts as a child... feeling out of place, like I didn't belong, like there was something wrong with me... and that was reinforced by how people treated me.

 

Today after having done much work, I realize that I AM different from others, and that I need to embrace those differences and find ways of being true to who I am and being happy with what I have TODAY. If I thought about everything I did wrong in life or everything that was ever done to me, I would be nothing but hurt, angry and resentful all the time. If I thought about what I DON'T have, I would feel anxious, frustrated and insecure all the time. It's about staying in the moment and finding ways to be grateful for what you DO have. There are lots of ways you can do this... therapy, a strong spiritual connection, self-reflection, giving back to your community, and building a community of support around you of people that appreciate you for who you are.

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I don't belong in the world either. I feel I was born in the wrong time, to the wrong family, on the wrong planet. But maybe the ones who don't belong, are the ones the world need? Maybe those who think differently, have gone through struggles, who feel isolated, maybe we have something within us that has allowed us to survive? Something that makes us strong? Some light within us that we can shine and use to make the world a better place?

 

Don't allow a fortune teller to dictate your thoughts. Be your own fortune maker and take charge of your own life. It's never to late to change your circumstance. If you are unhappy with a job, find a new one. Find something you enjoy doing, something that you love and that makes you happy. You deserve to be happy. Whatever things that you have dealt with in the past, don't let them define you. You are strong and you have come out on the other side. You can't change the past but you can learn from it and use it to build a better future. If you need to work though things, find someone to talk to. Not all doctors are bad, most are good. I wish you the best.

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