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Great friendship, is it worth it?


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So myself and this girl have been working together for around a year and formed a really strong friendship and recently I have become single (3 months single) and I am starting to open my eyes to an opportunity here as I fancy the absolute pants off her. Recently we have become super close and openly talk about pretty much everything, family, career, friends, literally no boundaries between us especially since my break up. We sometimes play on this as we're so close a lot of people think we are together and have a bit of a laugh with them, however now she's met the parents and now the parents are going to meet, it kind of feels like we are having a natural progression of a relationship just without saying it. I kinda want to make the first move here but I'm worried about messing "us" up, as in the friendship, as well as rejection and all that.

 

I'm not sure if I've already friend-zoned myself but it feels like I'm at the early stages of that and could just say what the hell and either tell her how I feel or just go in for the kiss, I'm unsure here.

 

Also just got back from a meal where she has just met the parents properly for the first time, had a great night and they must be thinking we are together

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First and foremost, this is your work colleague. Mixing business with pleasure, is never a good idea.

 

For instance, what if you are wrong and she only sees you as a good friend and then you tell her you see her as a date and she doesn't want that? Not only are you rejected but now you've got to see her constantly.

 

Secondly, even if she were to agree to date, if at any point the relationship went sideways, you won't be able to have space from one another as you've now mixed work and this relationship.

 

As for how she actually views you and what she actually wants, it's hard to say. I have had guy friends whom I have introduced to my parents and I've never once pictured them in a romantic sense. I think it was just assumed that we were not dating, however, I can see how people can get mixed messages.

 

It's a very fine line and it's a shame you met her at work as it makes it even more complicated.

 

If you truly want to know how she feels, you'll need to ask. But you would have to be possibly ready to not getting the answer you're hoping for.

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Hey SherrySher,

 

Thanks for this. Yeah totally looked over that! It could lead to a bit of a strange one as we would cross paths even if we wanted time apart. However work relationships have happened and worked out for a couple of other co-workers and I guess and because of that, never saw it as a risk!

 

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to ask. I feel like this is currently unhealthy and I need to know either way so its not constantly on my mind. She's a great girl and even when I'm open about this with her I hope we are both mature enough to keep it civil if things go for the worst or I embarrass myself and she ends up telling co-workers then oh well, rather that then living with the regret of never knowing I guess.

 

More interesting tho her mother is coming over to meet mine tomorrow and I feel something is going to be set in stone, maybe she wants confirmation of friendship or wants me to try something so we can then tell our parents that that yeah its a thing or nope we're just friends. Either way its going to be an interesting dynamic

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More interesting tho her mother is coming over to meet mine tomorrow and I feel something is going to be set in stone,

 

That's really strange. Why is that happening? How old are you two? Is this a stepping-stone job where you won't be there forever and could get work elsewhere if things go south if you dated?

 

As far as male/female friendships go when young, which I'm assuming you are, just know those close friendships are usually temporary anyway. Because you're very close now, and with chemistry on your part, anyway, that you'd have to let that friendship fade or end if you got a new gf anyway. And if she got a new bf, you'd be shoved to the back burner, or risk having it negatively impact her relationship.

 

I wouldn't be bringing up "feelings" when you haven't even had a date. You might want to say, "We get along so well. What would you think about giving dating a shot?"

 

If she says no, it will be awkward for a while, but those feelings will pass with time. Yeah, I'd take the risk, knowing you can handle the consequences if it doesn't pan out.

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You might want to say, "We get along so well. What would you think about giving dating a shot?"

 

That's a great suggestion, and then if she laughs, you can laugh it off and no harm done. But at least then you'll know that it's friends only.

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So myself and this girl have been working together for around a year and formed a really strong friendship and recently I have become single (3 months single) and I am starting to open my eyes to an opportunity here as I fancy the absolute pants off her. Recently we have become super close and openly talk about pretty much everything, family, career, friends, literally no boundaries between us especially since my break up. We sometimes play on this as we're so close a lot of people think we are together and have a bit of a laugh with them, however now she's met the parents and now the parents are going to meet, it kind of feels like we are having a natural progression of a relationship just without saying it. I kinda want to make the first move here but I'm worried about messing "us" up, as in the friendship, as well as rejection and all that.

 

I'm not sure if I've already friend-zoned myself but it feels like I'm at the early stages of that and could just say what the hell and either tell her how I feel or just go in for the kiss, I'm unsure here.

 

Also just got back from a meal where she has just met the parents properly for the first time, had a great night and they must be thinking we are together

This is a terrible idea. Unless you're prepared to leave your job if things go sideways. I dated someone I work with, and we broke up a few years ago. We both still work together, but it is torture. You're never able to truly get rid of your feelings for someone when you see them every day. You just have to bottle it up and push forward. But it sucks.

 

It's tempting to date someone you work with. But listen to the advice people are giving you. It's NOT worth it. Or else you'll end up kicking yourself down the road and wishing you didn't do it.

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More interesting tho her mother is coming over to meet mine tomorrow and I feel something is going to be set in stone,

 

That's really strange. Why is that happening? How old are you two? Is this a stepping-stone job where you won't be there forever and could get work elsewhere if things go south if you dated?

 

As far as male/female friendships go when young, which I'm assuming you are, just know those close friendships are usually temporary anyway. Because you're very close now, and with chemistry on your part, anyway, that you'd have to let that friendship fade or end if you got a new GF anyway. And if she got a new bf, you'd be shoved to the back burner, or risk having it negatively impact her relationship.

 

I wouldn't be bringing up "feelings" when you haven't even had a date. You might want to say, "We get along so well. What would you think about giving dating a shot?"

 

If she says no, it will be awkward for a while, but those feelings will pass with time. Yeah, I'd take the risk, knowing you can handle the consequences if it doesn't pan out.

 

I am 21 and she is 27, Her mother is ill and my parents have a lovely garden that she was showing her mother then when we went out for dinner, my parents invited her over (probs thinking we are together) to walk around as we love showing it off heh.

 

Yeah! its not like we are tied together in terms of work. currently, she's not even at work due to the pandemic and I am, so I think we could distance if things didnt work out. I am seeing her today and was going to talk about feelings but Im going to go with "what would you think about giving dating shot", I agree, talking about feelings might be a bit heavy and that feels a little more light. Also we date all the time, non romantically but we eat out together a lot, togther and part of a group .

 

Thanks :)

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Do you live at home? What do your parents think about the age difference? You are college aged and she is nearing 30 and perhaps ready for marriage, family, etc

 

At this point it seems like you have a crush on her.

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Yeah i don't really see 6 years as much of an age difference. I didn't get around to saying anything today as it was really about her mother having a nice time! We had a lovely day.

 

My bday is on Tuesday and were going for a meal or something so will give it a shot then, when we have a bit more personal time. Still going with the 'how would you feel about giving dating a shot' approach, will let you guys know how it goes as you have all been super helpful

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OP IMO the age difference is very small. It isn't as if you have twenty years on her.

But that is not the issue anyhow. You are both in your twenties.

 

Twenty-seven is young in my book!

 

There is a big difference between 21 and 26 but not 25 and 31. If that makes any sense. In dating styles, in social styles, in places in career.

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Be careful, that's a large age difference. 6 years is actually quite substantial.

 

I didn't realize you were so much older than her.

 

I am 48 and my BF is 42... I wouldn't say it's that substantial a difference, although I do tend to be on the more immature / childlike side of things haha

 

In all seriousness I wouldn't say it's so much the age difference itself but the fact that a 21 year old brain is not fully developed (until they are at least 25) and they will likely want very different things from a 27 year old.

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Age is a number, that's all. Six years can be a lot, or it can be nothing. I've known people in their 30's and 40's who were immature. I've know 21 and even 12 year olds who were wise and mature beyond their years.

 

What counts is how well you get along and if you enjoy each others company. Life has presented you a doorway, step through and see what happens. Better to take the chance, then spend a lifetime wondering what could have been.

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