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nman414
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Hi all, here's some backstory.

I recently decided to start fresh with school after completing one year of college, I am now coming back home to a community college to play soccer for the school and switch majors essentially deeming myself a freshman again. with school and soccer as my main focus plus being back at home with no potential dates on my mind, I though I would end up spending the next two years working, playing, and doing school with no GF, which I was bummed about, but I figured it would be for the better as my last relationship took up the majority of my time and Money often distracting me from more important things, which in retrospect seems bad but it felt right at the time so I can't complain.

 

Anyways... I am training at my new fast food job, handing food out the window to customers when a girl calls me by name (I wear a name tag) and asked if I have a GF, I responded no to which she asked if I wanted one. already flustered worrying about getting orders correct and having my bosses around me, I said come back at 8 (when I got off) and we'll talk.

To my surprise, when I got off work and went out to my car, she pulled up. I formally introduced myself and got her name. She's a very pretty girl that I think I would like to have a relationship with, but I then asked her how old she is. She's 17, I'm 19, so she's a HS senior and I'm essentially a college freshman again, only a one year school difference. I was super nervous so I didn't have much time to think so after she said that we both kinda awkwardly smiled at each other, I told her that I'm 19 and that she should come back when she turns 18. she didn't immediately leave so I asked her if she went to school in the area, and coincidentally, she goes to HS in the same town as my Community College. With that info in mind, we ended the convo and went our separate ways.

After having a day to reflect though, I am starting to wonder if I made the wrong decision. With the given info I was able to do some online snooping to find a social media account just so I could see her face again as everything was kinda a blur due to me being nervous, so I do have a form of contact if I do decide to change my mind.

I have a few concerns that I would like input on though. First and most importantly, she is 17 and I am 19, according to socials, she just turned 17 and I just turned 19 so we are almost exactly two years apart, I really have no issue with this, my grandparents are like 10 yrs apart so 2 is really no big deal, but with the age gap being at such a significant time legally, me being over 18 and her under , I am wondering if this would cause issues or lead to harsh judgement from others. legally, I think I could only get into trouble if there was a sexual side to the relationship, I would being willing to wait the extra year especially b/c I feel like that stuff is much better when you know your partner better anyways, but would this still lead to assumptions from friends and family anyways. I also don't know for sure that she is okay with the age gap, she didn't immediately leave when I told her my age which is a good sign but I could risk total rejection if I were to reach out.

next, I would have to reach out through social media and somehow explain that I had to do some digging to find her which might make her feel weird/ creeped out as well.

I also don't even know her or anything about her which means we may be polar opposites anyways.

Finally, I am not sure if I am obsessing over this because I am truly attracted to her or because its just the fact that Ive never had girl be that forward with me and then show the dedication to drive all the way back 5 hrs later that I am attracted to.

I don't want to miss out on something that could turn into a really great relationship, but with all of these complicating factors, I am wondering if it is something that is really worth it.

any help is appreciated. thanks.

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You've already made a decision to not date so you can pursue a career and concentrate on sports, which is a great thing. And I think you really should stick to that plan.

Secondly, she is underage. You can be friends, but that's where you should leave it.

 

With you wanting to focus on other things and not dating, and her being a minor, why not just place this on a shelf for now and remain friends? In a years time, things could look much different and in that time, you can get to know her a bit more and decide if she is more than just a pretty face. Because right now, you have no clue who she is, for all you know, she is really forward with guys like this all the time. You don't know her history with men.

 

Don't pursue, stay friends and wait it out. You have other priorities lined up right now anyhow.

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Unfortunately, the age factor is actually an issue. Yes, it's only 2 years, but she is still considered a minor. That's why friends for now, would make the most sense.

You are only starting out in life, you don't want to get yourself into trouble at such a young age over a girl.

 

It does make me raise my eyebrows though how forward she was. Most women her age don't behave that way. And that's not necessarily a good thing. It could mean that she's more experienced with men than what you might want.

 

Either way, for the time being, she's not of legal age for you.

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I'd try to have some perspective here.

 

Rather than focus on her, focus instead on why this exchange is spinning you around a bit. One theory? It's that your rule of no relationships for two years might be a bit constrictive to your genuine truth, and you needed a dose of flirty frou-frou to see that. Just because your last stab at romance devoured you, doesn't mean they all do. Guess I'm just saying that maybe this is the universe telling you that, yes, this is the moment to focus on school and sports, but that you don't need to put yourself in some self-imposed anti-romantic prison for that, especially if that prison makes you more vulnerable to frou-frou, not less.

 

As for the specifics of this frou-frou? Not sure where you live, but if it's the US the age of consent is set by states. In most states it's actually 16, with the rest either 17 or 18. So, per the hard legal stuff, the internet can clear that up for you in jiffy. That said, even if it's all above board to the law, I'd probably take a pass at dating a high school student at this point in your life. Too much of a risk, really, in stunting your own growth at a moment when you're focused on growing into adulthood, not backwards, you know?

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Regarding the age issue, do what is legal in your country. This age difference is nothing in many countries and nobody would even think about it. It really depends on the country and culture. So do what is legal in your country.

 

I agree with Bluecastle. You don't need to focus solely on studies unless you are so easily distracted by everything. But if you know you get flustered easily, then yes I suggest you focus on school only.

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It's a nice ego boost, but I know that when I was a teen, I rejected guys who were ultra aggressive like her, believing they had a lot of practice. And do you really want to be attending prom at age 20?

 

High school girls will be even more demanding of your time than a college student, since a college student will be just as busy as you with studies. Perhaps you can compromise since the thought of not having a gf bums you out. If you happen to meet a great woman at college, perhaps she will agree on the limited time you'd have together because of studies, etc., and be okay with dates that don't involve spending a lot of money. It's called being compatible in how you date, and it could happen if you're open to it.

 

Soccer's my favorite sport. I played defense on leagues for 7 years in my teens and early 20s. Loved community college. Enjoy that wonderful time in your life.

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🍔🍟Maybe they just want extra fries, who knows. This one is in high school. You'll meet other girls.

although I haven't 100% committed to not having a relationship for the next two years, your advice makes a lot of sense for this particular situation. If it is meant to be, maybe our paths will cross again in the future. thanks
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  • 2 weeks later...

So, she saw you in the drive thru and, knowing nothing about you other then where you work at how you look, offered to be your girlfriend? You later had a brief conversation sharing your age and where you go to school. While this is a cute story and fun bit of flirting, it doesn't seem like a solid foundation to pursue as a possible relationship, especially when you are already determined to pursue your own interests for now. Essentially, she is a stranger. Keep in touch if you like, but you'd be better off staying to your plan and focusing on you for a bit. If someone comes along that you get to know more naturally and feelings develop, re-evaluate where you are at and if you are ready to have a relationship. But for now, enjoy being single and having fun in your life.

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