Jump to content

Is she attracted?!


alb
 Share

Recommended Posts

I know her for the past 15 years. We are now on our 30s. We were really close. Even after all these years we can talk for hours. It seems that we always had a connection and we deeply care and respect each other but no sexual attraction. She did not express any feelings, so I assume that we are very good friends on both ends. Also, many times that we were wingman for each other. She set me up with some of her girl-friends and I set her up for some of my guy-friends.

 

The last two years we took our space as she moved on abroad for a year and then I was too invested in setting up my company. In these two years we kept contact mostly through texts, but we had less time together. We started different hobbies, found different circle of friends, different priorities career-wise. Whenever we were in the same country and we had the time we saw each other for a catch up.

 

On May, we started spending more time together as we become again parts of a common social circle. She proposed to start a hobby together which I liked a lot. I have a lot of hobbies and always ready to try new things. This was something that we used to do together i the past. I felt really nice with this proposal as it reminded me all the good moments that we had together and it was a really good opportunity to keep/refresh the connection I had with her. After a while, i saw an increase in the text convos between us. I do not know how to explain it, but it felt like she always initiated them and always made questions i order to keep the conversations going. I do not mean that I felt pressured/annoyed, but it seemed that she made more effort.

 

The last 15 days, I get some pictures from her. They are not naked, but I am not sure if they are innocent. The pictures display an object and some part of her body (thighs, belly, etc) on the background. For example, instead of answering that she is reading a book she would send me a picture with a book lying on her legs but with her thighs being extremely visible. Is she attracted or I misreading this. This was not the way we communicated before. Mostly we used to exchange a lot of texts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Make sure you are clear about being just friends. Pull way back and do not engage her this much. Do you have a GF?

 

Yeah! Also my GF is part of this common social circle that i described. She knows her for a year.

I feel very uncomfortable because if she is attracted then somehow the dynamics should change.

But if I she is not attracted, then it would seem really weird to stop answering out of the blue.

That's why I want another opinion on her actions.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

That was interesting that you didn't say anything about being in a relationship in your first post. Are you are your gf solid or are you unsure about your relationship?

 

The short answer is that yes, your friend is flirting with you and I think it made you feel good. I agree about better boundaries and it might be a good idea to take a better look at your relationship. There may be a few things lacking. Do you and your girlfriend have similar hobbies?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah! Also my GF is part of this common social circle that i described. She knows her for a year.

I feel very uncomfortable because if she is attracted then somehow the dynamics should change.

But if I she is not attracted, then it would seem really weird to stop answering out of the blue.

That's why I want another opinion on her actions.

 

What is your girlfriend's opinion?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

It doesn't matter what her intentions are, be it boredom or trying to flirt, what matters is that she is overstepping your boundaries. So, you are long term friends, you are both adults - talk to her. Not from the "I think you are flirting" standpoint, but simply from "hey I'm your pal and these pics you are sending are not OK with me, please don't send anymore of them." or however you want to put it as you know her better than anyone here. When someone crosses your boundaries, it's always on you to enforce them. Don't make this complicated.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Even after all these years we can talk for hours. As you're getting older and possibly entering into being in a more serious relationship, romantically, those sorts of opposite sex friendships usually get shoved onto the back burner, or the friendship totally ends. Because your new gf likely won't want you talking for hours to a female friend, even if it's platonic. It's just a different sort of dynamic that most women aren't comfortable with, even if there are zero trust issues.

 

Perhaps this is a good sign that you need to make some changes, progressing into the more mature man you should be turning into. Just because something worked in the past, doesn't mean it should continue on in the present and future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think regardless if she's flirting or not, if you have a girlfriend and you don't feel comfortable with this, you should probably cut down on the contact. I don't think she should be contacting you constantly and sending pictures constantly if she knows you have a girlfriend. It's OK to be friends but it does sound like she's into you. And she shouldn't be pursuing someone who is not single.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

People who are only friends don't send revealing pictures to you. They respect your boundaries and your relationship. As usual, honesty is the best policy. Make it clear that you value her friendship but that certain behavior is not acceptable. Regardless of her feelings for you, the behavior can't continue as it will only hurt your friendship and could end up hurting your girlfriend. Better to settle it now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...