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Thinking of breaking up, but not 100% sure


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Well from what I read about "Jane", there is nothing wrong with her, but you're just not into her. You're just not feeling it. So you find her boring and plain for that reason. Your lifestyle is not good or bad and neither is hers, they just are what they are. And they are very different, probably incompatible.

 

I'm a bisexual woman and reading about Jane, I was actually thinking she sounded just like the girl for me lol I actually love antique and vintage things. I'm not a collector or anything but I do love going to thrift stores and looking at vintage things, and buying them if I find things I like. I love quaint old things. I also work as a carer to people with disabilities and mental health issues, so that aspect of her caring appeals to me too. I've had clients make a painting for me (not very good lol) and I have it up on the wall in my lounge room. As they say: "One person's trash is another person's treasure". Or "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". I'm sure Jane may be adorable to someone, just not to you.

 

Also you can't expect someone else to do drugs just because you do them. That is absolutely your choice to do them but they are not to everyone's taste and just not good for some people. Especially people with mental health problems. As far as I understand, the use of psychedelics for mental health and in therapy has not actually been legally approved yet. It kind of sounds to me like you were really pushing your own agenda on Jane, showing her supposed research how it would benefit her mental health and so on. This has not been approved by the FDA, right? And moreover she doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do and you shouldn't push it. Other people are not you and they don't have to like what you like and do what you do.

 

I took acid once and I had the most horrific trip of my life, I thought I was dying! I also took MDMA six times two years ago and I got a persistent Derealisation Disorder! Still hasn't gone away. Drugs are not for everyone and don't affect everyone equally. You should not push drugs on anybody because you don't know what effect they'd actually have on that particular person. You know how they affect you do by all means you can enjoy them. I think it's wrong you tried to persuade Jane to do psychedelics, especially knowing she has bad mental health.

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Why not date someone from the LSD, DMT, Ayahuasca community?

 

100% on that one. Its been an important spiritual aspect in my life. Similar to why a Christian wouldn't be crazy about dating an atheist, I should find someone to be with that can share my perspective.

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You should not push drugs on anybody because you don't know what effect they'd actually have on that particular person. You know how they affect you do by all means you can enjoy them. I think it's wrong you tried to persuade Jane to do psychedelics, especially knowing she has bad mental health.

 

I just want to make it clear that I never pushed it on her or suggested she should take it, or told her she should take it. I don't believe in that either. Its a fine line between sharing information and convincing someone to do something but it does exist and she's 40 years old and so is more than capable of responsibly making her own decisions and knowing the difference. I certainly wouldn't be having the same conversation with a teenager. What I do believe in is access to information especially when it could mean improving someones life. I sent her a couple links about the studies on lsd and depression, and specifically told her I'd NEVER ask her to do it but that if she came to that conclusion on her own she would have to tell me. I also told her she would have to stop taking her current meds for at least 3 months to avoid possible dangerous complications. She neither wants to try it out nor does she want to risk going off her meds for that long, I understand that and thats ok. That was the end of the discussion. I respect her choice. In other words I just showed her there's a different road that could take her where she wants to go, but I never told her she'd be better off taking it. I believe people have the right to know information especially if it means an alternative path to happiness, but I do not believe in manipulation.

I know Jane's particular diagnosis and it isn't a psychotic disorder. Psychotic disorders are known to likely become worse with psychedelics and I wouldn't even bring it up if that were the case. The risks for disorders like depression/anxiety aren't as bad and there's real chance for improvement with occasional therapeutic application. Just wanted to make that clear. It seems that somehow my first post came across like I'm a drug pusher but that is far from the truth.

The combination of drugs she's on have a 15%-25% chance of giving her Parkinson's and only a 35% chance of working! Now I'm sure you can understand me informing her about an alternative.

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I've been seeing this woman for about 4 months now.

 

You don't need to over-think this. Four months is not a big investment, it's just enough to learn whether you've found simpatico.

 

You have not. That's a no-brainer. Go find it elsewhere.

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I just want to make it clear that I never pushed it on her or suggested she should take it, or told her she should take it. I don't believe in that either. Its a fine line between sharing information and convincing someone to do something but it does exist and she's 40 years old and so is more than capable of responsibly making her own decisions and knowing the difference. I certainly wouldn't be having the same conversation with a teenager. What I do believe in is access to information especially when it could mean improving someones life. I sent her a couple links about the studies on lsd and depression, and specifically told her I'd NEVER ask her to do it but that if she came to that conclusion on her own she would have to tell me. I also told her she would have to stop taking her current meds for at least 3 months to avoid possible dangerous complications. She neither wants to try it out nor does she want to risk going off her meds for that long, I understand that and thats ok. That was the end of the discussion. I respect her choice. In other words I just showed her there's a different road that could take her where she wants to go, but I never told her she'd be better off taking it. I believe people have the right to know information especially if it means an alternative path to happiness, but I do not believe in manipulation.

I know Jane's particular diagnosis and it isn't a psychotic disorder. Psychotic disorders are known to likely become worse with psychedelics and I wouldn't even bring it up if that were the case. The risks for disorders like depression/anxiety aren't as bad and there's real chance for improvement with occasional therapeutic application. Just wanted to make that clear. It seems that somehow my first post came across like I'm a drug pusher but that is far from the truth.

The combination of drugs she's on have a 15%-25% chance of giving her Parkinson's and only a 35% chance of working! Now I'm sure you can understand me informing her about an alternative.

 

Do you trust her overall?

 

It sounds like she has bad taste in home decor. She seems to function at a sad baseline so it doesn't sound like you can trust her to be an uplifting person at your level.

 

She appears very ignorant to you and unable to make her own health choices independently.

 

Don't read into this the wrong way - I just don't sense that there's much trust here. The overall feeling I'm getting is "Ugh. She just doesn't get it."

 

When we reach those levels of distrust and resentment over someone else's choices (whatever they are), I think it's time to call it quits if you can't learn to respect each other more. She doesn't deserve this and I think you deserve to be a lot less annoyed by her lack of knowledge and poor taste. You can change your way of thinking and two people can work on their respect towards each other but at four months, a lot of people would say this isn't worth it. I tend to think it is if the person is an overall amazing person. The decision is up to you and how you view her or the amount of respect you have for her. If you don't respect her (aka don't trust her either), don't treat her this way. Go your separate ways.

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I just want to make it clear that I never pushed it on her or suggested she should take it, or told her she should take it. I don't believe in that either. Its a fine line between sharing information and convincing someone to do something but it does exist and she's 40 years old and so is more than capable of responsibly making her own decisions and knowing the difference. I certainly wouldn't be having the same conversation with a teenager. What I do believe in is access to information especially when it could mean improving someones life. I sent her a couple links about the studies on lsd and depression, and specifically told her I'd NEVER ask her to do it but that if she came to that conclusion on her own she would have to tell me. I also told her she would have to stop taking her current meds for at least 3 months to avoid possible dangerous complications. She neither wants to try it out nor does she want to risk going off her meds for that long, I understand that and thats ok. That was the end of the discussion. I respect her choice. In other words I just showed her there's a different road that could take her where she wants to go, but I never told her she'd be better off taking it. I believe people have the right to know information especially if it means an alternative path to happiness, but I do not believe in manipulation.

I know Jane's particular diagnosis and it isn't a psychotic disorder. Psychotic disorders are known to likely become worse with psychedelics and I wouldn't even bring it up if that were the case. The risks for disorders like depression/anxiety aren't as bad and there's real chance for improvement with occasional therapeutic application. Just wanted to make that clear. It seems that somehow my first post came across like I'm a drug pusher but that is far from the truth.

The combination of drugs she's on have a 15%-25% chance of giving her Parkinson's and only a 35% chance of working! Now I'm sure you can understand me informing her about an alternative.

 

So I think if you are at all tempted to to share information (meaning what you see as reliable information) that illegal psychedelic drugs can help depression with someone you are romantically involved with I think that's a clear signal that you two are not a match at all. I don't think you said you are a medical professional (doubt it especially if you'd have to be randomly drug tested) and sharing information on how to break the law and potentially take something that could be extremely harmful if not fatal -even if you genuinely believe the information is accurate -sends up major alarm bells. No it's not drug pushing but to me anyway it's highly careless to do that to someone who is vulnerable because of romantic involvement -despite being an adult.

 

Sure she can find her own information but did she ask you how she could take illegal psychedelic drugs too? If she didn't ask why share? Improve someone's life by suggesting they break the law and take a drug while they have prescription meds in their system? Really?

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So I think if you are at all tempted to to share information (meaning what you see as reliable information) that illegal psychedelic drugs can help depression with someone you are romantically involved with I think that's a clear signal that you two are not a match at all. I don't think you said you are a medical professional (doubt it especially if you'd have to be randomly drug tested) and sharing information on how to break the law and potentially take something that could be extremely harmful if not fatal -even if you genuinely believe the information is accurate -sends up major alarm bells. No it's not drug pushing but to me anyway it's highly careless to do that to someone who is vulnerable because of romantic involvement -despite being an adult.

 

Sure she can find her own information but did she ask you how she could take illegal psychedelic drugs too? If she didn't ask why share? Improve someone's life by suggesting they break the law and take a drug while they have prescription meds in their system? Really?

 

I was actually thinking the same. You are not a medical professional of any kind, you mentioned you are a glass artist I'm pretty sure. You actually were pushing drugs on Jane in a sense because you started giving her information and telling her how good they are for treating depression, etc. I know research has actually been done on using psychedelics and MDMA to treat PTSD and depression specifically (not other mental illness mind you). I did read an article in New Scientist magazine about it. I would just like to point out that this has not been proven or legalised yet. Not all research that gets carried out actually gets approved. Some research in fact shows in the end that the methods were wrong. Research is used to test things out. Until it gets approved it is not a treatment. Back in the 50's Timothy Leary and other doctors that worked with him secretly shoved acid into their patients or pressured their medical students to use it. I think the results were not good as far as I understood.

 

In any case, you have no medical background at all and really you can't make these claims that LSD can help with anything. The only comments you can really make are: "This is a drug I like to take and I enjoy it. Are you interested in trying it?" I know there are people that believe in alternative treatments, e.g. herbs, reiki, etc. In the case of mental illness alternative treatments haven't really been shown to actually put the person in recovery. They can maybe help a little but the approved psychiatric medications and therapy are still the number one treatment.

 

I'm speaking from a personal experience here and I actually didn't have a good experience with using drugs. I took acid once and it was AWFUL. I'd never been so terrified in my whole life! I also took MDMA a bunch of times, which felt amazing. But afterwards developed really bad mental health problems which in two years haven't improved. My guess is drugs affect most people negatively. Especially if you do them regularly.

 

I just find it interesting that you're saying all these things about Jane, she's so boring etc. I think these opinions are just subjective to you. Personally I'd rather date Jane than you because I think it sounds like I have more in common with Jane. And I don't want to date someone so invested in drugs (personally). So when you're thinking that you're incompatible with someone, it may actually be YOU who is incompatible. I think you should have some insight into yourself too and not just blame other people because they don't do everything according to your tastes. If you're not into someone that's fine. But calling someone a bore and frump because they don't use drugs. Sounds pretty judgemental to me.

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You actually were pushing drugs on Jane in a sense because you started giving her information and telling her how good they are for treating depression, etc.

 

I agree. WaterofLife, your psychedelics essay is one of the most detailed paragraphs in your litany of downsides and potential problems with this girl.

 

I'm speaking from a personal experience here and I actually didn't have a good experience with using drugs. I took acid once and it was AWFUL. I'd never been so terrified in my whole life! I also took MDMA a bunch of times, which felt amazing. But afterwards developed really bad mental health problems which in two years haven't improved. My guess is drugs affect most people negatively. Especially if you do them regularly.

 

I am speaking from experience too. However, in my case, acid was literally my favorite drug. I've taken it more times than I can count (well over seven times, which, according to urban legend, makes me legally insane...*eyeroll*). I've taken MDMA a couple of times as well. Back then, it was called ecstasy. I enjoyed it. I tried shrooms once, but it wasn't the best experience as I (foolishly) ate the entire 1/8th in one sitting and got extreme couchlock (really, bedlock). I think that was too much. Haven't tried it since, but maybe one day when I have no responsibilities on the horizon, I will revisit shrooms.... revisit all of the hallucinogens. Maybe.

 

Anyway, that period of my life ended. I grew out of it. How many mental and/or spiritual epiphanies can you possibly provoke before you're just getting too greedy? After a while, using drugs to that end becomes just as grotesque as a bodybuilder using steroids to achieve 'physical perfection.' It's not natural. It's not spiritual. It's a drug. Nothing solves all of the world's problems, not even illegal substances.

 

Not to mention, sharing a bad trip with somebody really sucks. Some people simply don't enjoy it and that's fine.

 

Also, you can also have some monumentally bad ideas when you're tripping.

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You don't need to over-think this. Four months is not a big investment, it's just enough to learn whether you've found simpatico.

 

You have not. That's a no-brainer. Go find it elsewhere.

 

Really like these sentences, in terms of getting to the root of the weeds and not, well, tripping out on the trippy stuff, which feels extraneous to my eyes. Whether you've needed these four months to learn that you need a partner who shares your identical views and practices in relation to psychedelics or someone whose "baseline," as Rose put it, doesn't strike you as a buzzkill that you need to moderate and modulate—well, that's for you to sort out.

 

If we replaced "LSD" with "yoga" or "vegan diet" or "volunteering at the soup kitchen," I suspect the conversation here would be less incendiary. But I'd find it just as concerning, since those suggestions, in this context, would be about seeing if you could alter someone's baseline, a touch, in order to either (a) improve your own experience in being with them or (b) reaffirm your own value system through proselytizing and converting.

 

With someone whose baseline you have no choice but to admire and respect—with those feelings being experienced on a cellular level, really no different than finding someone attractive when they enter a room—I think you'll experience something of a paradigm shift, to put it in Huxley/Leary/Michael Pollan terms.

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You don't need to over-think this. Four months is not a big investment, it's just enough to learn whether you've found simpatico.

 

You have not. That's a no-brainer. Go find it elsewhere.

 

You're so right. I'm great at over thinking things. Thanks everyone for your support. I'll let you know how it goes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Its happening....and now its a bit beyond my control.

 

Before I begin I'll back up with a little context to help you all understand the picture. We live 30 minutes from each other and see each other on average once or twice a week, usually during a sleep over. Other than that she or I will normally send at least one text a day. There have been times where a day will go by with no contact and other times where the only texting for the day is a light hearted emoji. We've never talked over the phone, only in person or text. The text conversations usually are light hearted and never go further than discussing when the next time I will come by will be.

 

Jane went out of town to see family last weekend, and was to return home Monday. I had no plans for the weekend but Saturday I suddenly got a call about an out of town memorial party in the town I used to live in a few hours away on Monday for an old friend that had passed away last year unbeknownst to me. I quickly grabbed my things and left town, I had forgotten or neglected subconsciously to text Jane to tell her I'd be gone for a few days, perhaps I figured that she was out of town too so whats the harm. The party brought together several friends whom I hadn't seen for at least a year from this part of the state I used to live in, as well as bringing me closer to new friends I was meeting for the first time. It was an incredibly healing time that lasted 4 days filled with compassion, tears, music, and a complete absence of WIFI or cell service since this was way out in the country.

 

By the time I was back in cell service range, two days of no contact had passed. She had texted me during this time twice to ask if I was doing ok. I replied to her text "Hi sorry I couldn't respond I'm in ****(town) outside of cell range with no WIFI. I had to go to a friend's memorial party last minute. I think I'll be back tomorrow or the next day".

She replied, "Ok. Thanks for letting me know, I'm sorry about your friend".

 

Two days later I got home and texted her, "Just got back". She replied, "Thanks for letting me know".

 

I took the following day off from the world and collected my thoughts about my friend and got myself reacquainted with my daily routine, taking care of things at home that I had let go of for that time. I contacted no one during this day.

 

The next morning Jane texts me surprisingly with, "I'm guessing by your overall lack of communication you're over it. I had assumed there would be at least a conversation. I'm sorry for your grief and for anything I did to offend you. I hope you'll show a little more consideration to the next person you exchange words of love with." She's never said anything like this before.

 

This text seemed rather heavy, emotionally charged, and was very unexpected. I don't know where she got this idea from, its almost like she could read my mind this last week and jumped the gun on a conclusion. I don't think I let on to my thoughts at all. We hadn't even seen each other for almost a week and only texted a little here and there. This text from her seemed rather out of the blue. But now the ball is officially rolling and it would be poor judgment of me to tell her she's wrong or that her thoughts aren't true, then turn around in a week and have the talk. This left me seemingly no choice but to somewhat confirm her text.

So I replied, "Hi, I have been thinking about us and whether things should change but I planned on coming over to have a proper conversation with you about it. I've only been back in WiFi since I got back a day ago, and have been collecting my thoughts about my friend and getting my mind and body back to regular everyday things including my relationships with you and my local friends who none of which even knew I was gone. Can I come over sometime and talk to you about it"?

 

She replied, "I'll be home after 7 or so".

I typed, "Ok cool I'll text you later before I come over".

 

 

So at this point I'm planning to go over tonight and talk to her about what I've been talking to you all about, and theres no turning around at this point. Its a relief in a way that her guesswork had proven true, perhaps it gives her time to think about it before I get there and we can have a more productive conversation about our feelings. This hasn't happened for me like this before.

Do you think her jumping the gun was a bit compulsory? I don't think I gave her any hint that something was wrong, am I mistaken? Is it not understandable that I went MIA for a few days to deal with the sudden loss of an old friend? Did my true colors shine in this moment? Did I go about this wrong? All I can think of is maybe I should have given her a full notice that I would be gone for a few days when she returned from her weekend outing, but is that really a necessity? Did her disapproval with how I handled my departure display a lack of trust on her part, or did it display a lack of consideration on mine?

 

Any insight is helpful, thanks for looking. I'll get back tonight to let you know how it all goes.

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I think you treated her very thoughtlessly and I am surprised you would dismiss it as subconscious. You chose to go MIA for days with respect to someone you are in a serious relationship with. Of course you could have found a way to contact her, you just chose not to.

 

I think you should let her go and find someone who cares for her and would never dream of treating her this way let alone making the sorts of excuses you are now making.

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She finally did what you've been waffling on, she got you to finally end it. I would imagine you're relieved she did it for you.

 

Don't drag it out. Tell her you respect her but the relationship isn't the right one for you. And that you wish her well.

 

Do not offer to remain "friends" or suggest you might try again in the future. Be kind and make it a clean break.

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Alright the deed has been done and I think it could gone better but do these things ever go well? I first apologized for not letting her know I’d be out of town for a few days and she let me know she thought that was really messed up. Then I told her I’ve been thinking the last week or two about a couple basic incompatibilities that I was starting to realize made us not a good match for a long term relationship. They were me wanting to keep the option open for kids at some point and about me wanting to move out of town in a couple years and not really wanting to maintain a long distance relationship.

She said well when were you gonna tell me this? I said that I didn’t realize until recently that despite all the good things about our relationship, these couple things were actually that important to me to start to think more realistically about them.

 

She said she felt used and that she felt like I was using her as a casual ****. Then she started to tell me about how I didn’t like some of her characteristics and that she wanted to be with someone who liked her for who she already was.

 

I didn’t know what to say at this point, I wanted to assure her that I wasn’t using her and all but it seemed like in the moment it wouldn’t have meant truth to her and I would have just made matters worse by seeming to come up with excuses to argue over. So I kept quiet and just let her talk and stayed there and listened. I let her be right about everything she felt, and she was obviously upset.

After she was done she said I should probably go. She grabbed a few things I had left there, plus a shirt she had gotten for my birthday which is tomorrow and I started my way out. At the door I told her I was very sorry I had hurt her feelings by being inconsiderate for not telling her I’d be out of town. I told her I didn’t mean to hurt her. She said thank you. Then we said by and I left.

 

The whole thing was really awkward and it felt like in some ways she was the one breaking up with me and that I am an inconsiderate **** who led her on. I don’t feel that way, I feel like it legitimately took me this long to realize it wasn’t worth continuing. But I wasn’t going to try to be right and cause more emotions when it was already hard enough to keep it simple.

 

I felt awkward about her gift and figured in the moment that it would have been totally inappropriate to open it in front of her so I just said thank you instead.

 

Well she didn’t completely break down crying or curse and throw things at me or try to hit me so at least there’s that. All I can say is it seemed inevitable while it was happening that we would eventually break up so I guess it happening tonight was way better than anytime later in the future. She felt led on. I didn’t decide to lead her on, I was just trying to figure out if this was what I wanted. For now I will be an **** to her and I wish things were different. I’m not sure how long it’ll take her to see things differently but we have mutual friends so hopefully she will eventually. I didn’t want to hurt her. It appears because of my lack of knowing what I really want in a relationship I have been slowly hurting her for a while now.

I was willing to give it a shot until I knew if it was going to last and it legitimately took me 4 months to realize some critical things would outshine the rest of the positives I was hoping would shine brighter in time. I don’t think this means I was using her, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to feel that way in the future.

Am I supposed to not take chances on people unless I feel 100% about them right away? I guess I have some learning to do when it comes to knowing how to see the difference before someone starts to feel led on. I gave it the benefit of the doubt and now I feel pretty low about the situation. I don’t feel like I let myself down cause I gave it my best shot and oh well it didn’t work, but I feel like I let her down big time. I guess I too need to find someone who will accept my many downfalls. Pretty unique way to start off my 40th birthday.

Edited by Wateroflife
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Try to date people you have more in common with. Did you meet anyone at the event you attended? Those seem more like your kind of people.

 

They definitely are more of my type of tribe. I'll be spending more time with them making music in the near future. Who knows maybe I'll meet someone really special.

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I'm glad you're going your separate ways. Seems to me someone who uses drugs like you like to would be better suited to you because that way you can go MIA because you might forget to stay in touch if one of you has taken drugs. You'd be on the same wavelength that way, seems to me and without drama because someone is out of contact - one assumption would be that the other person was under the influence.

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I'm glad you're going your separate ways. Seems to me someone who uses drugs like you like to would be better suited to you because that way you can go MIA because you might forget to stay in touch if one of you has taken drugs. You'd be on the same wavelength that way, seems to me and without drama because someone is out of contact - one assumption would be that the other person was under the influence.

 

Batya33 You have some interesting points but lets keep the bumpy topic of "drugs" out of it because its irrelevant, besides she smokes weed daily anyways and that still has nothing to do with our incompatibilities. One particularly interesting thing is she quickly jumped to the conclusion of the worst case scenario simply because I didn't text her for two days. That seems a little extreme to me. Boundaries around this idea were never talked about, and we had a usual pattern of a daily text, so believe me I know, I know now it would have been way more considerate to her feelings to just send a quick message saying I'd be gone and it was a jerk move to not do that. I apologized to her about it in our very next text before I even got back. Our breakup would have gone smoother if it weren't for that mess up on my part. If I feel like the boundaries should have been looser, then I should have talked about that before acting on it.

 

For a future partner I'd like there to be a broader sense of trust and independence and optimism. I don't want to feel like I'm directly responsible for my partners sense of security and emotional well being. If they trust me, then they trust me. Especially if the partner is only seen once a week and lives in a totally separate town 30 minutes away, I want to be able to have the independence to go do my own thing on a moments notice and not feel like, Oh shoot I better let her know. I feel like the amount of trust in your partner x the amount of self-reliability for ones own state of happiness is = to the amount of personal liberties the other partner is morally able to maintain during the relationship. I do not believe in the arrangement of co-dependence. Maybe this is a stance I took after getting out of a long term relationship with someone with BPD, and I'll have to think on that.

 

Next time it would be wise for me to bring a topic like this up during the start of a relationship. I feel if a partner needs to get away for a few and we arnt living together or have any prior plans or joined responsibilities like kids or what not, then the partner should be free to do so without notifying me. If I trust her and I'm not relying on her for my own sense of security, then it shouldn't be an issue.

 

Its an interesting thought, and its not why we broke up, but still something I'd like to think a little deeper on. :D Thanks for your feedback.

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Yes, it's best to find someone from "your own tribe". This union was like trying to force fit a Mormon with an Amazon shaman.

 

HAHA yeah and Mormons are so nice too! I invited some Mormons inside my house once , I was like oh definitely I'm ready to talk about God, and tried to show them some of my books they were like ohhhh we arnt allowed to read anything like that.

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