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How can I make this right???


ark87

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Me and my girlfriend of over five years are on the brink. COVID hasn’t helped, but the issues were there before. I have some anxieties when I’m confronted an I lied about things in my past. I would panic and just start blurting things out when she would have questions for me.

 

I would tell her I had sex with someone I only was in a sexual situation with. Now she doesn’t believe me when I’m trying to tell her the truth that I put myself in a dumb scenario but the sex never actually happened.

 

We’ve had some bad fights, mutually verbally and physically harmful. I would plead for her to stop yelling so I would try to put my hand on her shoulder or try to hug her to calm the situation. This is a trigger and it would lead to a spiral of further issues. She now says “you did this to me, you can confront an ex and put your hands on them”. This mind set of having to confront an ex is terrifying and she’s saying this is the only solution cause she won’t be “the only person I’ve been this way with”

 

I’m really confused, I feel like I’m ready to do something really stupid to try to make someone happy who can’t be. Please if you can offer any advice it’d really help. We need trust. Thanks for listening.

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We truly care for eachother and we both know it’s other traumas that cause this anger. We both want help in not feeling this. She had depression in her past and it came back in recent times. I was a bad communicator and it broke trust. She wants to know why she is feeling so depressed when it’s clear I’m telling the truth, it’s just not believed

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We truly care for eachother and we both know it’s other traumas that cause this anger. We both want help in not feeling this. She had depression in her past and it came back in recent times. I was a bad communicator and it broke trust. She wants to know why she is feeling so depressed when it’s clear I’m telling the truth, it’s just not believed

 

Just because you care about each other doesn't mean you should be together. Care enough to let go. You both have serious mental health issues. Yes, YOU OP. You don't need a toxic relationship, you need to find a good psychiatrist or two and get a proper evaluation and diagnosis on what's going on with you and then get that taken care of. Reacting to questions with lies and reacting to conflict physically and in a panic is not normal at all.

 

Dragging each other down with your respective issues isn't love or caring, it's selfishness. Enough already, part ways, get help for yourself. You can't undo lies, you can't get someone to trust you once trust is broken. You can only get your issues taken care of and start over with someone new where you don't act like you have.

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after seeing wise mans pointer it looks like you have been in this situation quite a long while.

i think you are attached to this kind of relationship, its abusive, toxic, best thing would be to breakup and seek therapy.

Whatever is happening there is not healthy for yours as well as your partner's mental well being. You both are not compatible.

Ask yourself why do you want to live like this?

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You have some emotional issues there...sounds like learned behavior, possibly stemming from your childhood. A good start would be some counseling to help you sort out these feelings and as to why you get overly anxious, then act out. Dude that's just not normal. Online therapy is available. You can facetime with a therapist probably in an instant. If you want your quality of life improved, you have to take steps to improve yourself. You are responsible for your own actions, and your own problems.

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