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My ex and I were together for a couple of years. He pursued me , chased me but once he got me , he wasn’t all in. I would tell him he didn’t love me and he told me that wasn’t true. I wasn’t a priority and his actions were shady. I should have left . Sadly , his gaslighting was too much & then the roles reversed. I’m not proud , but I was out of my mind . I never experienced manipulation before. I held on for a long time looking to turn it around, but there was too much damage on both sides. My heart was in it and broken & he just had enough of the arguing and resentment.

 

It took me so very long to compose myself in a depression. My rejection and abandonment issues were raw. But he would ALWAYS respond to me and entertain things. In the end , the only way I managed to salvage myself was so slowly ignore him. First I took 1-2 days to respond . To look busy , not angry . I did that for 2 weeks . Then for only a month (again , not proud ) I went no contact. I broke it at 4 weeks . But , he was open to talking and said he “wanted” to talk . I think he thought I was going to do what I had sadly done in the past . That is , ask for him to give us another go. I didn’t . I said I wanted peace . To not bring the resentment and hostility , etc into my future and next relationship. I said I was not absolving him for the awful things he did , only cleaning my side of the street. My reactions . My craziness . Surprisingly, he sincerely apologized for things he did . Things he ruined for me . He took some ownership. I then said “maybe one day we could even be friends. Not friends with benefits , that will never happen , but friends” . He did say he would like that. We were then ending the conversation and he called me by the nickname he had for me. He said that he had a lot to absorb. A lot to think about. In closing , he said like “I’ll be talking to ya ... “ like I would be hearing from him. Now , I know I shouldn’t want him back. I’m not going to be his backup plan B . I think much of his problem is needing feminine attention. I know I can’t revisit the relationship we had. But , do you think he only said that because he didn’t know how to end the conversation? Or , is he thinking ??? It’s been 7 days . I’m ok , I mean , I feel better now that I got my dignity back after throwing it away in the past . I was broken . I guess I wanted him to know that I was ok now . That I survived him. It was kind of a really nice F you . But he didn’t end the talk with “take care of yourself “ . Instead , this “ok ok , you’ll hear from me.” .... lol when ? When summer is over or it doesn’t work with someone else ? No thanks . But , his response did make me think here , as he made it sound like he has thinking to do about us .

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It seems like he's respecting the break up but you're still addicted to him or you still want it to work. It's ended. Take a deep breath and tell yourself whatever he said at the end doesn't matter anymore. You wanted it to be over and it's over. Neither you nor him wanted it to work or tried to make it work again.

 

Change your thoughts. You're still stuck in the cycle of your toxic and negative relationship. The relationship has ended so those thoughts need to change. Start changing your thought patterns and your behaviours and reactions will also follow. It doesn't mean that your care or affection for this person ends right away but for your reality and sanity, I think you need time to absorb that it's over. Take a few days or weeks to keep telling yourself the relationship is over.

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Do yourself a favour.. or 3

1) do not over think any of what was said... you know how he is like.

2) avoid all contact- no expectations. In order to work on your healing/ accepting etc. You NEED not contact for a long time.

3) Do NOT agree on anything like a 'friendship' at this time. Maybe, someday If or when you know you are over him.. no more feelings arise.. And often by time that happens, we have no want for a friendship. ( Up to you. but is possible).

 

For now.. full focus on YOU. As you work thru all of this. One day at a time..

Leave him be.. and keep moving forward.

Even if he contacts you.. IMO is best to stop all interactions to heal.

 

right? ;)

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You're over-thinking the wording of that one phrase, OP. (For what it's worth, I think it was just another way to say good-bye. No deeper meaning behind it)

 

His behaviour is more important, and it doesn't sound like he behaved well during the relationship. It's time for you to let go of hope for something that seems unhealthy and not worth putting back together.

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Sorry, but you were not a priority for the majority of the relationship. You need to cut him off. Forever. Block and delete. Time to get your dignity and self worth back.

 

He is not your friend and never will be. Expect more from people.

Edited by Hollyj
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Don't waste your time on this. Block him and keep moving on. What he meant? Who cares. That is for him to deal with.

 

Your job i to focus on you, your health, your happiness. When you think of him, change your tboughts. Keep pushing him away. We all think of people, exes, old experiences... It's ok.

 

Don't read into it, just keep pushing forward to new thoughts. Sometimes we get trapped in "our story" but you keep looking to now and the future. The things you can do something about.I

 

You've come a long way. Don't turn back!

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I think you two are on completely different planes, levels and paths. I say this because you are thinking he is on the same emotional level as you, but in reality he is not. You are giving him far too much credit is what Im trying to say. You think that your X is a thinker, one who is like a chess player who thinks before he acts or speaks. Truth is that he is playing Chutes and Ladders while you are playing chess.

 

Don't overthink..

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