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I cant stand my daughters boyfriend


Knight2001

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Here's a story of a little lamb....

 

my parents could not stand my "first real relationship boyfriend" but they never said anything... Good or bad. I knew he was not liked. Little nieces and nephews are great for that. lol

But my point is, they were letting me live my life and we had no words over it.

 

Fast forward a couple years... Yes. Years. this little lamb learns the long way.... He was d-bag. truly. And only after the break up, did I learn my whole family agreed-- let's just pray little Lamb doesn't marry this one"

 

You have to choose your battles. Trust your daughter to see the light. As a young adult, she has to go through things on her own and make her own decisions. Especially her romantic life.

 

If you impose yourself on her, on this, it will back fire on you for sure. Trust this is the woman you raised.

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If your daughter is as smart as she sounds, she will work out very quickly that he is no good for her. You can't be the one to say it, otherwise you'll become the bad guy.

 

Trust that your daughter has good sense and will figure this guy out pretty quickly.

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Whom she chooses, is her responsibility and he's only a boyfriend. It's not as if they're married. She's only 21 years old and let her use her own sound judgement. He'll most likely not be her only boyfriend in her life. She has a long way to go.

 

I don't tolerate my BIL (brother-in-law) and his wife (my sister) naturally always defends her meal ticket. However, I don't get involved. She chose the cad, she made her bed and now must lie in it. It's her life and she's the one who has to live with her harsh consequences.

 

Learn to disengage from other people's lives. It's their business and if they flounder, it's their own doing. You have no control. I simply let other people live their own lives while I live mine. Change the way you think and become emotionally detached. You'll become a much more content and secure person if you do. Feelings of indifference and apathy are actually sometimes very mentally healthy.

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Could you give some examples of things he has actually done wrong or are distinctly bad about him? If he hasn't done anything that terrible, but he's just not to your taste, I would personally keep that to yourself. Every time my parents disapproved when I was a teenager or early 20's of someone I was dating, it made me livid with anger! And I just continued to date the person. I know your daughter is a very young woman still in college, but she's actually an adult. She's allowed to date who she wants. As long as he treats her well then I don't think you really have a say. If you express your opinion too freely, you might push your daughter away.

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Be careful of creating a Romeo and Juliet scenario, where the more it p's you off when she sees him, the more attractive he becomes.

 

It's the job of every young person to drive their parents nuts with their dating choices.

 

I'd go out of my way to figure out what daughter sees in him, and I'd praise those qualities about him.

 

If the goal is to engender trust between you and daughter, encourage her to learn her own lessons and be supportive along the way. Wouldn't you rather her experiment and learn who the creeps are while she's still close enough to you to confide?

 

I once heard a psychologist tell a parent that ANY answer she provides to her adult child is the wrong answer. If you say it, you know it, but she'll block you out and do the opposite. She needs to learn her own answers, so pull back and teach her the right questions instead of answering them FOR her.

 

Head high, Mama, and hold your tongue.

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