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Is it silly to feel totally outclassed by another guy like this?


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I have always been comfortable with both my looks and my personality, since I have always heard and experienced that I am consistently one of the more handsome and attractive guys in all types of environments, and I would never feel that "threatened" by other guys when it came to those traits.

But there was one situation about 7-8 months ago that really made me quite uncomfortable:

I had approached a cute girl, and felt that I was showing my best and most charming self, and even though she seemed a little bit hard to get at first, she seemed to start becoming quite interested in me after we had been talking for a while.

However, in the middle of our more flirty part of our conversation, another guy appeared, and one thing that made him stand out was his height and overall physical size - he was probably about 6'10 or so, and also very muscular in a proportional way, whereas I am 6'0 myself and with ordinary quite slender build, so he caught the eye of more people.

And this size difference alone made me find him quite intimidating, but it wasn't just that - he also happened to be extremely good-looking overall.

And this was certainly something that I noticed in the girl that I was talking to, since she started giving him glances over and over and looking at him with great interest, until she made the excuse that she was gonna ask someone something, and then immediately walked up to him - and started flirting with him.

And not only that, but just a few minutes later there were also 2 other girls there with him, and all those girls really seemed to be into him and started showing all kinds of signs of great interest.

And at this point I started taking in what had just happened:

I had approached one of those girls, made an effort to impress her, and done reasonable progress - but this guy had just simply appeared, and almost immediately done significantly more powerful impression on that girl and 2 other girls in a much shorter amount of time, and also without any effort at all.

And I don't want to sound full of myself, but I had got used to never feeling that threatened by other guys and just taken for granted that people always seemed to consider me one of the more good-looking guys in their presence - because this has always been the vibes and validation that I have got.

And that time when this guy appeared, I felt really insecure partly because he was much bigger than me, and also because he was really amazingly good-looking.

And the impression that he made on several of the girls there in such a short time gave me the unpleasant feeling that not only did I feel threatened by him in looks, I also started feeling that he was someone that I wouldn't be able to compete with at all.

I had never felt threatened in that way before, but that evening I got my first experience of being absolutely eclipsed in looks by another guy.

It was a very strange experience - I could both feel and tell from the girls' behaviour that he was actually much much more attractive than I was, even though I have always had a lot of luck in that regard in the past.

 

What are your thoughts on this situation?

Was I just overreacting, or was it logical to react this way?

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So in a nutshell you had a humbling experience whereas before you thought you were all that and this moment was a wake up call that there will always be someone who is better, taller, more attractive, more charismatic, more insert whatever here _____.

 

Perfectly normal reality check in life. You'll have many of those. Nothing to cry about or even write home about. Accept it for what it is and move on. Also, check your arrogance a bit because really, that was life tapping you on the shoulder about that. A little humility goes a long way.

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So in a nutshell you had a humbling experience whereas before you thought you were all that and this moment was a wake up call that there will always be someone who is better, taller, more attractive, more charismatic, more insert whatever here _____.

 

Perfectly normal reality check in life. You'll have many of those. Nothing to cry about or even write home about. Accept it for what it is and move on. Also, check your arrogance a bit because really, that was life tapping you on the shoulder about that. A little humility goes a long way.

Yes, I realise that.

However, it wasn't simply a matter of him being more attractive and getting the girl that I had been flirting with to come over to him, it was a matter of him being much much more attractive to an overwhelming degree and having dramatically more success with more girls in a shorter amount of time with no effort at all.

It felt quite disheartening, to say the least.

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Yes, well a big slice of humble pie is never a pleasant experience, but one you will continue to experience as you live. You simply process that and let it go, shrug it off, move on. In the grand scheme of things, your life hasn't changed one bit and the girls who walk away from you, weren't really that into you to begin with. Probably another bitter pill to swallow, but you were entertaining for now, not for keeps. It wasn't meant to be so to speak.

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Yes, well a big slice of humble pie is never a pleasant experience, but one you will continue to experience as you live. You simply process that and let it go, shrug it off, move on. In the grand scheme of things, your life hasn't changed one bit and the girls who walk away from you, weren't really that into you to begin with. Probably another bitter pill to swallow, but you were entertaining for now, not for keeps. It wasn't meant to be so to speak.

Does this mean that this guy in general would get much much further with girls only with his looks than I could ever hope to get no matter how hard I tried, if he and I were in the same room as a number of other girls?

 

Because I certainly got that feeling when I saw him and he stole all attention like that.

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Agree with everything DF is saying. Were I to dive a bit further in hopes of you snacking a bit more on the humble pie? I'd take this experience as evidence that maybe, just maybe, you gain a touch too much validation and identity from being the hottest dude in the room, the dude the women are drawn to.

 

Lean too hard into that and you kind of forget that women are people, not extras in the movie in your life whose only role is to be more into you than any other guy. And with that? Your charm starts to be of the very limited variety.

 

Sometimes you'll be in his shoes, sometimes not. Is what it is, not really something to fret about.

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Does this mean that this guy in general would get much much further with girls than I could ever hope to get no matter how hard I tried, if he and I were in the same room as a number of other girls?

 

Can I ask how old you are, by chance? Just trying to understand where you're at in life that getting "further" with girls than other men is so paramount.

 

But to answer your question: Yes, no, or maybe. Doesn't really matter. "Girls" are just people, and people respond to people in all sorts of wild, wonderful ways. That said, when people sense that another person is simply interested in getting "further" than the pack, they do often start to gravitate toward others—sometimes taller, sometimes shorter—who aren't so razor focused on such things.

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To answer the question in your title. Yes. It is silly.

 

This kind of thing happens to everyone. As you move through life and the rooms get bigger, the more you realize, there is always better.

 

It will happen to him, too...

 

And of course there will be women that will pick you. Not everyone is attracted to the same people. Sure in general terms. All guys or gals love the current it girl or guy, but they can't get them. lol.

 

At the end of the day. its about so much more.

 

Work on offering more than looks and charms. This probably was the reality check you needed.

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Can I ask how old you are, by chance? Just trying to understand where you're at in life that getting "further" with girls than other men is so paramount.

 

But to answer your question: Yes, no, or maybe. Doesn't really matter. "Girls" are just people, and people respond to people in all sorts of wild, wonderful ways. That said, when people sense that another person is simply interested in getting "further" than the pack, they do often start to gravitate toward others—sometimes taller, sometimes shorter—who aren't so razor focused on such things.

I am 25.

 

Well I don't know, it's just that the thought of another guy being much much more attractive than me to the point that he can easily steal any girl that I have been flirting with away from me without even trying at all is a hard pill to swallow, especially when I have grown used to usually not worrying about rivalry.

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Simply put, Peter, there are always going to be people better looking than you or not as good looking as you. There's nothing you can do about it, it's just a fact of life.

 

The right girl though, won't have her eyes turned from you. So if these girls were looking at this man and had their interest swayed this easily, then they weren't the right girls for you.

 

You only need one who thinks the world of you.

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Well I don't know, it's just that the thought of another guy being much much more attractive than me to the point that he can easily steal any girl that I have been flirting with away from me without even trying at all is a hard pill to swallow, especially when I have grown used to usually not worrying about rivalry.

 

That's your ego talking. Try to refocus and not make it a competition or rivalry. It will get you nowhere in life and you'll end up feeling miserable.

 

If the woman or women you are initially interested in are looking at someone else, then they aren't the right ones for you.

 

You don't need hoards of women. You only need one. And if you're thinking that hoards of women wanting you, someone means that you're a man or something great, then you've got a lot of growing to still do. I mean that in the most non offensive way.

We've all been there.

 

At some point you'll start to see that none of that matters. Finding one girl who is the right one for you and loves only you, is will what matter more than the rest of the silliness.

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Simply put, Peter, there are always going to be people better looking than you or not as good looking as you. There's nothing you can do about it, it's just a fact of life.

 

The right girl though, won't have her eyes turned from you. So if these girls were looking at this man and had their interest swayed this easily, then they weren't the right girls for you.

 

You only need one who thinks the world of you.

I was just a bit curious about something regarding this guy who showed up at the club:

is it logical to suspect that his far superior looks would be enough to allow him to steal all potential dates from me at any given club with no effort whatsoever, even if I did my absolute best to show the best version of myself?

Maybe I should be prepared for a possible scenario like that as well?

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I was just a bit curious about something regarding this guy who showed up at the club:

is it logical to suspect that his far superior looks would be enough to allow him to steal all potential dates from me at any given club, even if I did my absolute best to show the best version of myself?

In other words, would he plausibly turn so many girls' heads and be so physically desirable that he could completely outclass me with zero effort?

 

No, not plausible at all.

 

You're assuming that every single woman in the club thinks the same, has the same opinions, sees this man the same way.

It's just not so.

 

You can take one individual and ten women, 6 might like the looks of him, but 4 might not find him attractive at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so to speak.

 

It's why you can have a movie star be popular and lots of women find him attractive, but then lots of people can't stand that movie star and can't see why other women find him so attractive.

 

If we were all programmed to view the same person as good looking, it would never work. There would be a thousand women to one guy...lol.

We all have different tastes, different impressions and so on.

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I am 25.

 

Well I don't know, it's just that the thought of another guy being much much more attractive than me to the point that he can easily steal any girl that I have been flirting with away from me without even trying at all is a hard pill to swallow, especially when I have grown used to usually not worrying about rivalry.

 

No one "stole" anything here. You never "had" anything, or anyone. I'm in a relationship, for example, and I don't "have" my girlfriend. I didn't "win" her. She's with me, because she makes that choice. She can un-make it any day or second she likes, for whatever reasons—no different, really, than if I was chatting with her at a club and, mid-conversation, she roamed elsewhere: to hang with fiends, to see about something that fired more synapses. That would be her doing her thing, not issuing a verdict on me, be it my brain or my body.

 

I say all that to encourage a different way of thinking—about you, about the opposite sex, about connection. It's not a game, where "good looks" are like "speed" on a football field. Yes, in football the fastest guy will win, because other people literally can't catch him. But in all this? You're just talking about genetics. Your brain, and what it craves, is also just that: a brain doing its thing and making a personality out of what it does. Some will dig it more than others.

 

That night, that woman: it's a one off. There will be other similar moments, many of them, regardless of your abs, your charm. Is what it is. Learn to live in it, and you'll start connecting a bit differently. Biggest thing? You'll stop thinking of women as things to "get" or "steal," or to polish your own mirror by digging you more than three other studs in the barn. They're people, buddy, and at the end of the day everyone is most attracted to other people who see them as just that.

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What kind of woman is that that you'd want around you in the first place who is so easily swayed?

 

I think you're at an advantage not a disadvantage. That other man has to weed through a lot of people in order to make sense of who is sincere and who isn't.

 

And look at you. Now you're free to take another good look at the room and spot the women who never batted an eye at the other guy.

 

This guy just did you a favour, honey. He pulled off all the women you don't want around you and cleared the room for you.

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That other man has to weed through a lot of people in order to make sense of who is sincere and who isn't.

 

How absolutely, spot on! Looks are superficial. If someone likes you based on looks, that makes them pretty shallow.

 

You don't want a girl like that, or you shouldn't want a girl like that.

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I am 25.

 

Well I don't know, it's just that the thought of another guy being much much more attractive than me to the point that he can easily steal any girl that I have been flirting with away from me without even trying at all is a hard pill to swallow, especially when I have grown used to usually not worrying about rivalry.

 

I am in your exact same situation. During my roaring years I felt like I had no competition at all when it came to girls, then slowly but surely the competition came, and with it, refusals.

 

It is okay to leave a girl be because she would rather have another person. It is also okay to choose someone over someone else due to your preferences. I have discovered that, growing up, looks tend to matter less and less (but they usually do always matter anyway!) and being an interesting person is valued more and more.

 

You are facing a very common situation. If you think your external looks are up to the "challenge", try making things that interest you and that make you interesting. Pick up hobbies, study specific fields, learn cool and fun facts. A lot of the best looking dudes I met weren't really super interesting after the initial pleasantries, so be a pleasant and witty person to be around in general and you will see that looks will not matter as much.

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I think you're fixating on one night, months ago, that really is not the big a deal in the grand scheme of things.

 

Why assume it's going to be like this with any girl you meet? You're still very young with a lot to learn. One of those things is that a single incident shouldn't be enough to throw off your whole thought process and skew your perception.

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So, this guy had the looks and confidence that easily pulls women in. Well, what type of woman do you want to be with? One that is easily swayed by "appearances / charm" or one that engages with you, despite being good-looking and charming, and is interested in getting to know who you truly are?

 

Imagine a fan who swoons over Justin Timberlake but doesn't really care about who he is behind the scenes.

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"For every gorgeous woman, there is someone out there that is tired of f-in her" I just think you need to not sweat over this. As caveman of a reaction you had at the end of the day, looks don't go the distance in an intimate strong relationship.

 

In college, there was this most gorgeous ever guy who was super shy. He was hot. He was try to talk to me, but because I was tongue-tied looking at him, not much would be exchanged, and I'd run off. Then one day in class, he opened his mouth, and out came the most dumbest, possible stuff, and my attraction to him went from 60 to ZERO!

 

Don't rely just on your looks. It gets old fast, just like any pretty face. Build up your personality and love, and you will get the right lady for you.

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Keep in mind that even the best looking peacock's feathers will fade and fall off in time. Physical attractiveness in the conventional sense has a built in expiry date. If you place a lot of value and worth on it, you'll be hurting when you're older and you're not "the best".

 

Focus on different ways of meeting girls and bring other attributes to the table.

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"For every gorgeous woman, there is someone out there that is tired of f-in her" I just think you need to not sweat over this. As caveman of a reaction you had at the end of the day, looks don't go the distance in an intimate strong relationship.

 

In college, there was this most gorgeous ever guy who was super shy. He was hot. He was try to talk to me, but because I was tongue-tied looking at him, not much would be exchanged, and I'd run off. Then one day in class, he opened his mouth, and out came the most dumbest, possible stuff, and my attraction to him went from 60 to ZERO!

 

Don't rely just on your looks. It gets old fast, just like any pretty face. Build up your personality and love, and you will get the right lady for you.

 

tatoobunnie! this is so true. I have met many very attractive people both men and women with zero personality or interests. My theory is they are so good looking, they never had to try very hard to make friends or dates.

 

It is actually kind of sad. Looks fade and what opens a door, doesn't guarantee it will remain open.

 

Also I've experienced a phenomenon of how someone's looks changes as you get to know them better.

 

Someone of average looks become more attractive as I know them. Conversely, someone of above average looks becomes, not less attractive, but not so unbelievably beautiful as before.

 

Knowing someone and caring about them, for more than their looks, is the great equalizer. I learn to see the beauty within.

 

Hope that makes sense.

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