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He says I'm moaning & I want to know what you think


Kwinto
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Where to start. Im currently pregnant with our first child, third trimester. My husband has always been what I would call unreasonable at times (his close family are also aware of this temperament). Now that we are expecting I appreciate that my senses are heightened and I am most likely more aware of issues that had been pre-pregnancy.

I'll go with the most recent example of what is currently happening. Due to corona we have been disinfecting plastic deliveries before we bring them fully into the house. My husband, now on multiple occasions keeps saying antibac right over the cats food and water bowls. I have asked him on these multiple occasions to please be careful because its dangerous for her to ingest it. This morning he does it again except this time the poor cat is mid-eating and gets frightened. I react to this and say something along the lines of " look you've literally just sprayed the cat, how many times have I said to be careful of the cat bowls" his reaction to this was to say im always moaning, and to get rid of the cat. (Weve had the cat for 2 years, she's not a problem, and he wanted the cat as much as me so he wasn't bullied into getting the cat etc) Now yes I have raised this issue multiple times, because he continues to do it. I want to know if that indeed does make me part of the problem or if my husband is actually just being unreasonable? In my head, I see it that he wouldn't be 'moaned at if he just didn't do what he's been warned about. I see it as a simple solution. Additionally i don't see how my request to not put the cat in danger is a unreasonable request.

 

I just want to know if i'm the one not being reasonable here or whether he does in fact have a twisted reaction.

 

This is just one example out of many similar, and quite frankly I'm growing sick of it and getting increasingly overwhelmed by the idea that he will be fathering our child when currently I feel like he is still a child. (Again please correct me if you can see another side to this, I want to be wrong tbh!)

 

Thanks

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First, I'd move the cat's bowls. And you can't just "get rid" of animals. That is completely wrong IMO. It's a commitment for the animal's life. So right there. I'm already getting a bad opinion.

 

If your hubs was always like this, why did you marry him? Serious question.

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Pick your battles. Move the cat food out of the way. Unfortunately, you seem to have deeper issues with his personality and his family, but you are focusing on easily resolved trivia instead.

Im currently pregnant with our first child, third trimester. My husband has always been what I would call unreasonable
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He seems desensitized and resentful. I agree with moving the cat food and water to another corner for the time being. Is there a reason why he appears cruel or would say those cruel things about the cat?

 

There usually is very good reason why that person is behaving that way or why that person has made it a habit to react in cruel or insensitive ways towards others. He/she may be feeling incredibly low (low self-esteem), resentful due to issues with trust (feeling distrustful), burdened (high stress). Has your communication with each other broken down where you can't speak with each other openly? Try spending some one on one time together that doesn't involve errands or things that need fixing or changing in the house. Talk about yourselves and bring the tension down.

 

The more you concentrate and focus all that anger and vitriol at someone, the worse the situation gets. I think you should look into trying to bring down those anger levels. It's not good for baby or you. Go back to your reasons for marrying this person or being with this person. Go back to the good memories and not the ones involving cat bowls. Zoom out of the situation and take a breather. Take care of your health and your marriage. Trust does break and marriages do end. They are much more fragile than we imagine so tread with care.

Edited by Rose Mosse
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I ask exactly the same question as Lambert

 

"If your hubs was always like this, why did you marry him? Serious question."

 

As you say OP:

 

" My husband has always been what I would call unreasonable at times (his close family are also aware of this temperament"

 

and

 

"....getting increasingly overwhelmed by the idea that he will be fathering our child when currently I feel like he is still a child.

 

Very disquieting, OP.

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Simple....move the bowls. Cats don't care where they eat. If the kitchen is too small, put them in the dining room under an end table so no one trips on them.

 

As for your husband, he has coping issues. When he gets flustered, touch his hand gently and tell him you can handle it from here, and suggest he go sit and relax, have a beer or whatever. He needs to learn to remove himself from the situation in order to snap himself out of it. Over time he will learn. Me I just give my husband a piece of bacon and tell him to do something else.

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Do the spraying yourself and manage the cat food/bowls yourself. Decide if you want a cat food area, covid or a husband. Since you seem to complain about all of it. It's strange that you are around and toxic sprays while pregnant.

My husband, now on multiple occasions keeps saying antibac right over the cats food and water bowls.s
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Yes, poison your husband and pamper your cat.🤣 The pregnancy program at your local prison may be better than your marriage.🕴 If you are arguing about cat bowls and household spray imagine the fights you'll pick when you have kids.

This is just me but if he did it again I would spray Lysol in his food if he complains tell him to stop moaning.
Edited by Wiseman2
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If you are arguing about cat bowls and household spray imagine the fights you'll pick when you have kids.

 

I really cringe for you. Raising a child is a hundred times harder than pets and if he is behaving like this over pets I really dread how bad it's going to become with a child.

 

You are at fault for picking a man with these issues, he is at fault for his bad temper, belittling ways and just being a moron. Who the heck puts their own pet in danger?

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And you treat him like one. And talk about him with intense contempt like he is a sperm donor. You need to do some things for yourself rather than nagging.

 

For example if the spray off area is where you decide to feed your cats, why wouldn't you remedy that? It sounds like you feel your opinion, methods, cats, etc are superior. Yet you married him. Sadly it looks a like a very rock road ahead for you.

I feel like he is still a child.
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And you treat him like one. And talk about him with intense contempt like he is a sperm donor. You need to do some things for yourself rather than nagging.

 

She's actually fairly calm for being in the third trimester. Loads of women would be screaming and causing heaps more uproar. Being that heavily pregnant is no picnic.

 

But to be fair, this man does sound like he is acting very childish and irresponsible.

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Or he could just give a crap where he sprays the Lysol, you know, like an adult.
Seriously.. I was thinking about that poor cat. Basically being poisoned because its too hard to spray take out containers in another way.

 

I really think its very telling of a person's nature by how they treat animals... I knew a guy that used to punch his dog and say it didn't hurt her. Notice I said I used to know. d bag.

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I wonder if he's feeling displaced due to the coming baby and is taking it out on the cat. Like, he seems to be deliberately doing something you specifically asked him not to even though it could harm the cat and his answer is to get rid of the cat. Did he want to have a baby or was it something you wanted? Or was it a "surprise"?

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Is he doing a lot more household chores while you are pregnant? Thinking to when I was pregnant, my SO took on all housework involving chemicals etc. and litter box duty full time as advised.

If he's doing a lot, and you are hovering around and nagging, this could be frustration and feeling unappreciated more than anything.

I don't know him, but do you honestly believe him to be incompetent and untrustworthy to do basic things? Again, I wasn't there, but is it possible you are treating him with bad faith due to being stressed and scared yourself with a baby on the way during a pandemic?

It's important to figure out if you trust him. If you really don't, that's a way bigger issue.

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Seriously.. I was thinking about that poor cat. Basically being poisoned because its too hard to spray take out containers in another way.

 

I really think its very telling of a person's nature by how they treat animals... I knew a guy that used to punch his dog and say it didn't hurt her. Notice I said I used to know. d bag.

 

Was the poor animal removed from the home?

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Why are you spraying anything in the first instance?

 

Do you not realise that soap will do a better job to kill coronavirus?

Alcohol is a mere substitute (but not as effective ) when soap and water is not readily available.

 

Does the spray you use even have 70% alcohol?

 

And the cats bowls have been in the house pre covid lol

 

Is he super anxious about covid and Misinformed perhaps?

 

Just wash the cat bowls and stop wasting time and money on useless sprays.

 

The reason why soap is the most effective cleaning product against covid is because the virus has an outer lipid layer (fat) and anything that dissolves fat will render the virus inactive.

 

If you can’t convinve him , then pour the antibac contents down the sink and replace with a mixture of water and dish washing liquid. That way you will know the cat will only be sprayed with a bit of soap lol

Peace of mind for you.

Edited by Billie28
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Hopefully you'll get marriage therapy before the child comes. The answer of course is not spraying your husband's food.

 

You seem embroiled in a lot of right-fighting without facts and without appropriate or productive actions.

 

This will get a lot worse when you bring a child Into a household of conflicts and contempt.

 

This is not about animals. It's about your poor marriage and poor communication.

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Well said Billie. Such common sense!

 

"Do you not realise that soap will do a better job to kill coronavirus?

Alcohol is a mere substitute (but not as effective ) when soap and water is not readily available.

 

Does the spray you use even have 70% alcohol?

 

And the cats bowls have been in the house pre covid lol

 

Is he super anxious about covid and Misinformed perhaps?

 

Just wash the cat bowls and stop wasting time and money on useless sprays.

 

The reason why soap is the most effective cleaning product against covid is because the virus has an outer lipid layer (fat) and anything that dissolves fat will render the virus inactive.

"

 

And I can only concur with Sherry.

 

"You are at fault for picking a man with these issues, he is at fault for his bad temper, belittling ways and just being a moron. "

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Except they are not using Lysol to clean the cat dishes. They are spraying it on THEIR plastic deliveries too close to the cat food. It isn’t about cleaning the cat bowls

 

“Due to corona we have been disinfecting plastic deliveries before we bring them fully into the house. My husband, now on multiple occasions keeps saying antibac right over the cats food and water bowls” (from the posters original post)

 

It is the fact he’s not being careful where he sprays .

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