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Why do I feel so low, after what she's doing?


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Hello. I made a post a week or so ago about my situation, but I wanted to come at it from a different angle. Basically, I've been with my wife for just over 6 years in total and married for 3. We have two children aged 4 and 2. We haven't been getting on for around 18 months or so and haven't even had sex for about 2 years. I've been sleeping on the sofa for over a year aswell.

Around last Christmas, she told me that she no longer loves me and that she doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was heartbroken as no matter how hard things were, I always loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. She kept asking me to leave, but I refused as I didn't want to walk away from her or the children.

Well three weeks ago, I found out through a friend that she was on multiple dating sites. I asked her about it and after a while, she admitted it. She told me it was just to make new male friends and have a bit of a flirt. It hit me like a rock. We had a few arguments and a couple of days later she left me and moved into her mum's. She also took our children and isn't letting me see them (I'm getting solicitors and courts involved which has really annoyed her)

Obviously I'm missing the girls like crazy but I'm sure that I will get that part of it sorted eventually.

The trouble is, I'm missing my wife for no reason at all! All we ever did was argue, we had no love life, slept in separate rooms, she was always moody and bossing me about. She was always right and everything I did was wrong and even my own friends and family disliked her. But I can't get her out of my head and want her back! She even called me this morning to moan at me and saying how the children don't want to see me etc. Why do I miss her so much? The flat is so quiet but still full of all her stuff and all our pictures including the wedding photos everywhere. Nothing I do and no matter how angry I try to get makes it any easier. She's taken my kids and stopping me from seeing them, and I still feel sad for losing her!!

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Keep visiting your kids, you are invited and welcome to see them. She just doesn't want you taking them away until you get something in writing.. Your lawyer needs a better idea of what's going on. Why is this lawyer dragging their feet as to a visitation/custody/child support schedule.

 

You need to stop wondering why she left. It's been 2 years that things have been estranged and you chose not to fix it then. You refused to leave and are still in the marital home. You need to stop claiming the kids were abducted, when in fact you know where they are and have been invited to visit. It's hurting your case to make wild accusations.

 

Was there abuse? Why did she flee with the kids? Do you drink heavily? Have you been to a doctor regarding this protracted procrastination and depressed mindset? You should not be left alone with the kids until you can prove your are mentally healthy.

I've been able to go round theirs twice just for an hour or so, but either her OR HER MUM has to be present. I have spoken to my solicitor who has suggested we go for 50-50 access/custody, which is what I'm going to go for.
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Keep visiting your kids, you are invited and welcome to see them. She just doesn't want you taking them away until you get something in writing.. Your lawyer needs a better idea of what's going on. Why is this lawyer dragging their feet as to a visitation/custody/child support schedule.

 

You need to stop wondering why she left. It's been 2 years that things have been estranged and you chose not to fix it then. You refused to leave and are still in the marital home. You need to stop claiming the kids were abducted, when in fact you know where they are and have been invited to visit. It's hurting your case to make wild accusations.

 

Was there abuse? Why did she flee with the kids? Do you drink heavily? Have you been to a doctor regarding this protracted procrastination and depressed mindset? You should not be left alone with the kids until you can prove your are mentally healthy.

 

My solicitor has sent her a letter (on Thursday) explaining to my wife that I want equal shares care of the girls. I set out my proposals (times I'd pick them up, how my work schedule can be altered to fit around them etc etc). My wife yesterday rang my solicitor, rejecting everything and told her that she doesn't want me around the children without her supervision because she doesn't trust me. The trust issues come from issues between us, (no cheating or violence etc) and as my solicitor told my wife, none of those issues represent a reason why I cannot have my children unsupervised. My wife has even written in her diary a few times this year how SHE has been feeling suicidal and can't cope with the girls. I'm only in this depressed mindset now as I never wanted to lose any of them (including my wife) and it's hurting me to see her already moving on. She's doing things online by all accounts, that she never done with me from the day we first met, such as sexting other men, as she has never been that kind of girl. I've been asked if I'd like to see the girls this afternoon round hers for a couple of hours, which I will do. I've attempted to video call them every night and keep getting rejected. She has now had some sexy underwear delivered to our flat "as she forgot to change the delivery options to her mum's house". She then messaged me to tell me that "even though it's none of your business, they are for me and not for anybody else.". Not once have I said that the kids were abducted, but let's put this on the other foot. What if it was a man who was doing this and refusing the mother any decent access to the children? I bet people would see it differently then. She's refusing to get a solicitor "because she knows her own rights" which seems a bit childish as when this gets to court (which it will) she won't be able to put up a very good case with nonlegal representation or decent advice!

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You need to stop focusing on her sexy underwear. It seems like she is offering supervised visitation, until you can prove otherwise.

My wife yesterday rang my solicitor, rejecting everything and told her that she doesn't want me around the children without her supervision because she doesn't trust me.

 

I've been asked if I'd like to see the girls this afternoon round hers for a couple of hours, which I will do.

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It's getting messy because she doesn't want to be with you but you're not able to separate that from the shared care for your kids (co-parenting). Those are two separate issues: the relationship/the marriage and the co-parenting. She wants the relationship to end but you're not accepting that or respecting her decision to move forwards.

 

I'm not sure if your lawyer is making this part clear to you before going into the legal aspects. I don't think they're paid to do that. Look for help coping with the end of a marriage. These aren't easy things to go through and you'll have to find it in yourself to let go of the marriage if the other person doesn't want to be with you. If you've been able to deny this for two years, it's not surprising that you've conditioned your mind into thinking this too is not quite happening and you still want her, regardless of how dysfunctional or non-functional the relationship is.

 

Talk to someone about those issues of denial regarding the relationship and your fears being alone. This is a huge. Don't underestimate it and don't think that you have to do it alone. Facing a different kind of life after spending so long with someone is not easy. Seek help if you need help getting to the under-layers of what's blocking you from accepting that the relationship is over.

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This is an excellent reason to only allow supervised visitation. You have been subjecting her and your kids to moods, rows and general drama and u instability for over 2 yrs. She can and will document this, with or without an attorney.

 

Agree that you need to get your head on straight and stop wallowing, obsessing over her underwear and generally refusing to accept the end and refusing to do anything about the demise for years.

 

Your kids have peace now away from your moods and rows.

. I've been so unhappy over the last two years, but the thought of being alone terrifies me and hurts me so much. I'd rather be arguing with her all day
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Exactly, Wiseman. You have pinpointed the heart of the matter.

 

OP's words:

 

"I've been so unhappy over the last two years, but the thought of being alone terrifies me and hurts me so much. I'd rather be arguing with her all day"

 

 

You need to get on top of these issues, OP, and soon. You are only 28 and have a lot of life before you.

 

And, and, OP, at the end of 2015 you stated:

 

"I love her so much, but she has told me she doesn't love me."

 

and

 

"She is my world and without her I'm nothing."

Edited by LaHermes
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You fear of the unknown, you fear that people will believe her, she, the one you said your vows to, is trying to destroy any relationship you have with your children, and you wonder, how the hell did we get here?

 

It's easy for us to tell you to focus on the kids, lawyer this lawyer that, but you have all these emotions whirling around in your head constantly, you can't even think straight. You can't quit this and walk away, but you do need to find time to take a time out, and talk to someone. I suggest you facetime with an online marriage counselor to sort these things out. Even tho it's over, and has been for sometime, at least they can help you gain some perspective. One on one with a professional will help you immensely, even if it's for a few sessions. It will lighten the heaviness you have been experiencing.

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“The trust issues come from issues between us, (no cheating or violence etc) and as my solicitor told my wife, none of those issues represent a reason why I cannot have my children unsupervised.”

 

 

What are the trust issues exactly?

You don’t seem to deny them yet you fail to disclose them? Why?

 

A defence lawyer only wants to win their case right or wrong.

That lawyer will tell you everything you want to hear but not necessarily what’s right.

 

You have been essentially 2 years estranged from your wife.

Why would you expect her to stay? And why did you?

 

If she has evidence via text or voicemail from you that confirms the reason for her mistrust then no she doesn’t need a lawyer. It will negate your lawyers hearsay from you.

 

Has she a right to remove the kids from the marital home? Not yet.

But if you can’t provide 24/7 care for the kids at this time then they should be with someone who can?

 

Don’t you agree? You have been separated for 2 years.

Are you in a position to full time care for the kids and not work?

 

Prove your case through courts. But if the courts saw this thread they would wonder where your priorities lie?

 

Who cares what knickers your ex wears? You have kids to be concerned about? Isn’t that priority?

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“The trust issues come from issues between us, (no cheating or violence etc) and as my solicitor told my wife, none of those issues represent a reason why I cannot have my children unsupervised.”

 

 

What are the trust issues exactly?

You don’t seem to deny them yet you fail to disclose them? Why?

 

A defence lawyer only wants to win their case right or wrong.

That lawyer will tell you everything you want to hear but not necessarily what’s right.

 

You have been essentially 2 years estranged from your wife.

Why would you expect her to stay? And why did you?

 

If she has evidence via text or voicemail from you that confirms the reason for her mistrust then no she doesn’t need a lawyer. It will negate your lawyers hearsay from you.

 

Has she a right to remove the kids from the marital home? Not yet.

But if you can’t provide 24/7 care for the kids at this time then they should be with someone who can?

 

Don’t you agree? You have been separated for 2 years.

Are you in a position to full time care for the kids and not work?

 

Prove your case through courts. But if the courts saw this thread they would wonder where your priorities lie?

 

Who cares what knickers your ex wears? You have kids to be concerned about? Isn’t that priority?

 

We always had an agreement that I would pay for the rent, utilities etc, and she would pay for the food shopping, girls clothes and that kind of stuff. Suddenly a couple of years ago, she stopped paying for all of it and so I was paying for everything. I kept telling her that I was getting into financial difficulties and was constantly in debt/overdrawn. She would still not pay and so I was forced to take the money from her account, as if not I would have not been able to provide a roof for our girls to live under or put food on the table. I've admitted too it and have paid the money all back to her. My solicitor knows this and has agreed that it's not ideal, but it doesn't mean I can't take care of my kids. I've even personally spoke to the police who said there is nothing that can be done by her to get me prosecuted etc.

In terms of providing care for my girls, I've spoken to my boss who is more than happy to alter my working hours so I can have my girls half the week, however it was sorted out. My girls are of course my priority, but how is it good for my wife to be sexting people, looking for hook ups etc all while having the girls with her? That's not providing a stable environment for them is it? What if she started sleeping with different men all the time and bringing different blokes home to the girls? Or as I said the other day, what if it was the other way round. If I had taken the girls and denied their mother from seeing them unsupervised and I started seeing loads of other women, I'd be seen as some kind of sc*mbag!

Yes the money thing wasn't good, but I was desperate and going through a tough time. I developed a small gambling addiction at the time aswell as I was desperate to have money in the bank to look after the girls. I have not done anything like it for months now and am in a much better financial position. These issues can obviously take away all my trust, but who doesn't do stupid things in life? Or is everyone else totally perfect? At the end of the day, I still love in the marital home, have never physically hurt my wife or children, have taken care of them all, including my youngest daughter's serious, life threatening condition that she has. I never left the relationship as I never wanted to walk away from my my girls or my home. I never asked my wife to leave, it was her choice. But I certainly never asked her to take my children. My wife's mother has a friend who isn't allowed to see his own children because he is a convicted murderer of his own wife, and yet they let him take the girls out by himself, take them into the woods, he comes round and kisses the kids and asks to change nappies for them in private on his own. They trust him, more than me. How is that right?

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For the love of god RJ!

 

Billie asks you to prove your case through the courts. And the Courts would actually wonder about YOU if they could read this thread.

 

Could I implore you to stop saying this:

 

"but how is it good for my wife to be sexting people, looking for hook ups etc all while having the girls with her? That's not providing a stable environment for them is it? What if she started sleeping with different men all the time and bringing different blokes home to the girls?"

 

And will you please stop comparing your situation to that of others. You are starting to sound like a tabloid newspaper, RJ. Wife murders and woods.

 

Once more with feeling I quote you:

 

""I've been so unhappy over the last two years, but the thought of being alone terrifies me and hurts me so much. I'd rather be arguing with her all day""

 

 

That's where all this is coming from, and one gets the impression that your emotions are more of a priority than the children. An adult man, terrified of being "alone". Please read back to yourself what you have written above, and then tell me how that sounds to an outsider!!!

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Stealing money from her account for your gambling problem Is a very good reason for her to leave with the kids, stay at her mom's place and only allow supervised visits. You can't be trusted and for good reason.

 

Before an attorney can help you you need to clean up your act.

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Stealing money from her account for your gambling problem Is a very good reason for her to leave with the kids, stay at her mom's place and only allow supervised visits. You can't be trusted and for good reason.

 

Before an attorney can help you you need to clean up your act.

 

As I clearly said, it has been sorted, it's all been paid back and I haven't gambled since it all happened a year ago. She stole £900 from me and put it into her account that my nan left me when she passed and I've never seen any of that money, but I'll guess that's ok in your eyes? I guess the fact that she has put in her diary that she wants to kill herself and is very unstable is good for the kids aswell? I guess the fact that her mum called me a freak because I have diabetes is acceptable aswell?! What was I meant to do with the money situation if she wasn't helping out? I only earn circa £1k a month and was spending 1.2k a month on rent, utilities, shopping, petrol etc etc. I had to do something going so we still had somewhere to live! I'm sure you're perfect and have never made a mistake in your life then?

My wife has a history of severe depression and has been hospitalised in the past for overdosing on prescription medications, so how is that a stable and secure environment? Yes I'm feeling depressed right now, but my wife and kids have suddenly left me, what am I supposed to feel? There's even been times where our daughter has been in a critical condition where she needs her emergency medication within minutes to ensure her survival, and I've had to rush home from work to give it to her as my wife froze and couldn't do it. What would she do if she was home alone and that happened? I don't feel like she is so much more if a better parent than I am, and it's in the children's best interests to have both parents in their lives, not just have their dads round there for a hour here and there

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RJ.

 

Is there any chance we could stick to the present moment, please.

 

Forget the discussion about who is better at what and all this dancing around the mulberry bush, and who owes who what and for what.

 

I want to know WHEN are you going to instruct the solicitor to file for divorce? The fact of the matter is that your wife has left you and you NOW need to get the practicalities dealt with by a legal route, and in a sensible fashion.

 

Please, whatever you do, do NOT utter in court the kind of madnesses you are writing here, because the judge will deem you incompetent and may even give your wife sole custody. I am not joking RJ.

 

Imagine this scenario:

 

"Your Honour, my wife puts in her diary that she wants to kill herself".

 

And please do not even think of mentioning to His Honour about the perceived sexy underwear.

 

Nor this:

 

"I guess the fact that her mum called me a freak because I have diabetes is acceptable aswell?!"

 

All that stuff is entirely beside the point.

 

You do see where I am going with this.

 

For certain no one is perfect, but you are in self-destruct mode OP, and heading downhill fast.

 

The Court will decide on the matter, so please keep to the facts, have a strictly factual conversation with your lawyer (do not beat about the bush) and please for your children's sake get on with stabilising the situation.

 

I am not even going to ask why you married this woman. No need to explain.

 

"My wife has a history of severe depression and has been hospitalised in the past for overdosing on prescription medications"

 

Just to add that I trust that you are regularly attending the diabetes clinic to ensure your health is monitores.

 

"Having diabetes can also lead to a mental health condition that doctors call diabetes distress. This condition shares some elements of depression, anxiety, and stress."

Edited by LaHermes
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RJ.

 

Is there any chance we could stick to the present moment, please.

 

Forget the discussion about who is better at what and all this dancing around the mulberry bush, and who owes who what and for what.

 

I want to know WHEN are you going to instruct the solicitor to file for divorce? The fact of the matter is that your wife has left you and you NOW need to get the practicalities dealt with by a legal route, and in a sensible fashion.

 

Please, whatever you do, do NOT utter in court the kind of madnesses you are writing here, because the judge will deem you incompetent and may even give your wife sole custody. I am not joking RJ.

 

Imagine this scenario:

 

"Your Honour, my wife puts in her diary that she wants to kill herself".

 

And please do not even think of mentioning to His Honour about the perceived sexy underwear.

 

Nor this:

 

"I guess the fact that her mum called me a freak because I have diabetes is acceptable aswell?!"

 

All that stuff is entirely beside the point.

 

You do see where I am going with this.

 

For certain no one is perfect, but you are in self-destruct mode OP, and heading downhill fast.

 

The Court will decide on the matter, so please keep to the facts, have a strictly factual conversation with your lawyer (do not beat about the bush) and please for your children's sake get on with stabilising the situation.

 

I am not even going to ask why you married this woman. No need to explain.

 

"My wife has a history of severe depression and has been hospitalised in the past for overdosing on prescription medications"

 

Just to add that I trust that you are regularly attending the diabetes clinic to ensure your health is monitores.

 

"Having diabetes can also lead to a mental health condition that doctors call diabetes distress. This condition shares some elements of depression, anxiety, and stress."

 

On the matter of divorce, I've been advised by my solicitor that it's better to get the children situation dealt with first and foremost, I stead of having to deal with two cases at once. I've been very truthful with the solicitor (told them about the money etc and given my reasons for doing what I did). I have been proactive in terms of speaking with my work about changing my hours, and devised a contact plan that I felt was fair for myself, my wife and the girls in terms of shared care. My wife rejected the letter that my solicitor sent to her though and angrily called my solicitor.

I keep looking at this whole situation as two separate issues. There is the main issue of my daughters and receiving access to them which will hopefully be sorted through the correct channels.

The second issue is my feelings for my wife. I wish I could feel nothing for her and just put her to the back of my mind and not care about what she's doing in her private life, but I do still love her, that can't be helped! This is my issue, the feelings I have for her won't just disappear, her feelings for me went a long time ago meaning she can move on.

I do attend my clinics and although my diabetes has always been up and down, we are always trying to solve it and get it more controlled. I married my wife because I loved her (still do!) And she loved me. I wasn't scared of her mental health issues as I thought I could help her through them, and I did for a few years (to the point where she was completely taken off her meds and didn't need to see her psychiatrist for years). When our second girl was born and we found out about her condition, that is when this all first started going downhill, as the stress was too much for my wife.

My wife is so angry at me for getting legalities involved in the situation, but I had too as if not, everything was totally on her (and her mum's) terms and I was being denied free access to my own children. She is still refusing to get her own representation and every time court or solicitors are mentioned, she starts getting upset, crying and starts ranting at me. She seems worried that maybe she will lose out and realise that what she is doing is unacceptable

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A letter from a lawyer is not a court order, it's a maneuver. So of course she can ignore it.

 

Your lawyer needs to use effective and legally binding processes in order for you to get some custody rather than cheap tricks and thinly veiled threats..

 

Until then your wife, legally, is visiting her mother with the kids and you are welcome to see them and have been invited.

My wife rejected the letter that my solicitor sent
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So what did your solicitor do after your wife "rejected" his letter? Did he/she file a custody request in court?

My solicitor advised my wife that she will give her one week to digest the letter and to see if she changes her mind. She told her that if she still refuses to make any plans or provides a counter offer, then an application to court will be made immediately. She has been given until Wednesday evening and my solicitor is speaking to me on Thursday. So then the order to the courts will be made but due to covid, the waiting times for court cases are up until around Christmas time this year.

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This:

 

"In the UK child custody law determines who should be responsible for the care and charge of a child, after divorce or separation. The term custody is now more commonly referred to as residency - indicating where the children's main residence is, following a parental break up."

 

and (from a UK solicitors' website):

 

"you most likely have heard the phrase “best interests of the child”. This is almost universally used to determine custody and visitation issues based on the Best Interests of the Child Standard.

 

Case law defines this standard differently, but in general, there are certain common-sense factors and themes that appear the majority of the time. The list of factors fall into four categories:

 

1. The historical picture examining each parent’s role in nurturing the child since birth;

 

2. The prospective picture considering the parents’ situations going into the future;

 

3. Status concerns referring to the personality or behavioural traits of each party; and

 

4. The preference of the child."

 

And in the cold light of day you would have to prove:

 

"To prove your ex is an unfit parent you can use evidence of:

 

A history of drug or alcohol abuse

A history of domestic abuse; either physical or emotional

A history of mental illness that could incapacitate the parent to care for the children adequately

Their ability to understand the needs of the children, including the need for food, clothing and education

Unreasonable behaviour during the divorce process

Their ability to discipline children fairly

The quality of their house or neighbourhood where they live in a home that is unsafe for children to reside in

A history of criminal offences and/or imprisonment

A strongly negative attitude of the children towards the parent, or unwillingness to live with that parent"

 

The picture isn't pretty. Talk to your solicitor about mediation.

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This:

 

"In the UK child custody law determines who should be responsible for the care and charge of a child, after divorce or separation. The term custody is now more commonly referred to as residency - indicating where the children's main residence is, following a parental break up."

 

and (from a UK solicitors' website):

 

"you most likely have heard the phrase “best interests of the child”. This is almost universally used to determine custody and visitation issues based on the Best Interests of the Child Standard.

 

Case law defines this standard differently, but in general, there are certain common-sense factors and themes that appear the majority of the time. The list of factors fall into four categories:

 

1. The historical picture examining each parent’s role in nurturing the child since birth;

 

2. The prospective picture considering the parents’ situations going into the future;

 

3. Status concerns referring to the personality or behavioural traits of each party; and

 

4. The preference of the child."

 

And in the cold light of day you would have to prove:

 

"To prove your ex is an unfit parent you can use evidence of:

 

A history of drug or alcohol abuse

A history of domestic abuse; either physical or emotional

A history of mental illness that could incapacitate the parent to care for the children adequately

Their ability to understand the needs of the children, including the need for food, clothing and education

Unreasonable behaviour during the divorce process

Their ability to discipline children fairly

The quality of their house or neighbourhood where they live in a home that is unsafe for children to reside in

A history of criminal offences and/or imprisonment

A strongly negative attitude of the children towards the parent, or unwillingness to live with that parent"

 

The picture isn't pretty. Talk to your solicitor about mediation.

I've mentioned mediation to the solicitor, and she said that while it is normally a good idea, in this case it's probably not. Because my wife can be very controlling and almost a bulky at times to get what she wants from me, my solicitor feels that the mediation would basically end up with her bullying me into agreeing with what she wants, which I feel could be true. I'm not good in times of conflict and my wife knows how to play me to get what she wants. I hate confrontation etc. Which is why it'll be best for it to go to court as my solicitor can help me with my case, whereas if it was just down to mediation, then I'd end up losing out

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I just can't get over her and when you feel like that with somebody and you still love them dearly (no matter what she's doing, I can't turn them feelings off like a tap) then not in the right frame of mind to fight her in the way I need too. I'll admit, I've always has jealousy issues within me, and the thought of her with someone else, even if it is just online sexting etc, does destroy me. I'm going to have to have her in my life forever because of the children, and seeing her happy and moving on from me and with someone else is scaring me so much. I just don't know if those feelings will go.

Feeling like this is obviously not helping me with getting the access to my children as all I'm doing is wallowing at home and sinking fast, but I can't help it! If I could just look at her and not give a **** about her and what she's doing (that's how she is with me) then I'd be in a much, much stronger position to win my beautiful little girls back!

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I’m sorry but you are not prioritising your children.

 

You apparently were paying for rent and utilities and she stopped paying for food. Etc.

 

Clearly no joint finances , suggests mistrust from the beginning and if she stopped food shopping why and when did you start?

You could have left no food on the table for a few days , no one would have died of starvation. But instead you did the food shopping and fed your wife? Right?

And continued.

 

That’s actually your taking on of that responsibility without the funds to do so.

That is no excuse to gamble.

 

Everyone knows gambling is for the rich who can afford to lose because all gamblers lose.

 

You have made very poor choices that impacted on your children.

 

Your wife is certainly no angel but at the end of the day your children are under a roof , fed , looked after 24/7 which is more than you can provide at this point.

 

You are still paying the rent and utilities but all of a sudden you want and have the funds to pay for your children’s food food half the week which you couldn’t afford prior that led you to gambling?

 

I’m sorry , but these are questions you WILL be faced in court.

 

How do you intend on answering them?

 

Have you been saving a lot since you now don’t have to pay for food?

Prove it in court. But if you do prove that you can afford it , it then will go against you as to why you took funds from your wife’s account. Suggesting you can’t afford it.

 

The courts will not care that your ex wife of 2 years sent a saucy message to a random.

You are the only one that cares.

That does not suggest she is an unfit mother.

She is and has been single for 2 years. Just not on paper yet.

She can date who she wants. She has so far not involved the kids in her dating life.

 

The fact that you are obsessesed with it might work against you.

 

She does not need a lawyer. She can simply respond to yours who as I said just cares about winning , right or wrong.

The courts are used to lawyers like yours.

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You can't "win your girls back" as if they are pawns in one of your gambling games.

 

Right now they are safe and cared for by thier mother and grandmother. You have been invited to visit.

 

Your attorney is dreaming if she's going for 50/50. Especially since all she's actually doing is posturing and threatening without any court orders.

 

Are you legally separated yet? Is that required before you start sending nasty but useless attorney letterhead papers to your wife?

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I’m sorry but you are not prioritising your children.

 

You apparently were paying for rent and utilities and she stopped paying for food. Etc.

 

Clearly no joint finances , suggests mistrust from the beginning and if she stopped food shopping why and when did you start?

You could have left no food on the table for a few days , no one would have died of starvation. But instead you did the food shopping and fed your wife? Right?

And continued.

 

That’s actually your taking on of that responsibility without the funds to do so.

That is no excuse to gamble.

 

Everyone knows gambling is for the rich who can afford to lose because all gamblers lose.

 

You have made very poor choices that impacted on your children.

 

Your wife is certainly no angel but at the end of the day your children are under a roof , fed , looked after 24/7 which is more than you can provide at this point.

 

You are still paying the rent and utilities but all of a sudden you want and have the funds to pay for your children’s food food half the week which you couldn’t afford prior that led you to gambling?

 

I’m sorry , but these are questions you WILL be faced in court.

 

How do you intend on answering them?

 

Have you been saving a lot since you now don’t have to pay for food?

Prove it in court. But if you do prove that you can afford it , it then will go against you as to why you took funds from your wife’s account. Suggesting you can’t afford it.

 

The courts will not care that your ex wife of 2 years sent a saucy message to a random.

You are the only one that cares.

That does not suggest she is an unfit mother.

She is and has been single for 2 years. Just not on paper yet.

She can date who she wants. She has so far not involved the kids in her dating life.

 

The fact that you are obsessesed with it might work against you.

 

She does not need a lawyer. She can simply respond to yours who as I said just cares about winning , right or wrong.

The courts are used to lawyers like yours.

Firstly, I'm not going to let my children go days without food, and that would seriously affect my diabetes, so I had to get food in one way or another. If I didn't, then it would be seen as neglect.

I have had help from family to help me get back in the right direction financially, and so I'm in a much stronger position now. I did a good shop last week, and my wife came round the next day when I was at work and took just about all of it away. She has practically emptied the cupboards and freezer/fridge. That's not right, is it?

The gambling situation stemmed from stress/worry that I was going through at the time, as I've said, I hold my hands up too it, but let's face it, everybody makes decisions in their lives that they regret. Nobody is perfect. When she was first on a sex and dating site, messaging people, trying to date etc, she was still living with me, still married etc, just because she wasn't happy with me, that still makes it an attempt at an adulterous relationship. If I started chatting to a load of women three months ago and decided to meet up with them, I'd have been classed as cheating, even though we weren't happy in our marriage! I do sometimes feel if the genders were reversed and it was me who had taken the kids and refusing the mother from having much access, things would be totally different.

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