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Am I cursed or just born to be miserable?


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Hello. I am a 26-year-old girl who feels completely alone, devastated, exhausted, and unwilling to fight anymore. Please, don't judge or insult me as this is the last thing I need since I try my best fight and heal my invisible wounds. I am a believer who lives neither in America, nor in England, nor in a country where there are Protestant churches. It's no secret where I live, but I just prefer not to go into such details. However, thanks to the Internet, I started following profiles of Christians in social media - people who inspire me with wisdom and their life. Unfortunately, due to many reasons and obstacles in my life, I will never be able to live abroad and experience such type of life. And this weighs on me too.

 

However, the reason I turned to you for valuable advice, even though I go to therapy, is because I always believed that you are a great source of support, lack of judgment, and a shoulder to lean on.

 

I know that no one has a perfect life and everyone has problems. But I feel like my problems are endless and I will never be truly happy. I had many problems with my appearance, health, and life in the past that I managed to overcome by myself. BUT my biggest problem that terrifies me is that I am 26 years old and I will never find the right person and true love. Boys always preferred someone else instead of me and they almost never been interested in me, although my friends say that I have a great character and I am beautiful. All my friends already have long and happy relationships, and so far, I've only had one. While looking in the profiles of Christians in social media, I often see how they define themselves ''blessed and happy people without big problems, to whom God often sends miracles'' They find the love of their lives in a unique way in their early 20s. They build big and happy religious families, which we often see in beautiful photo sessions. They have many amazing and loyal friends.

 

And although I know comparison is bad, I can't help but take a look at my life. I am 26 years old and so far, I have only had one relationship. There is no prospect of meeting the right person anymore, because the places where people meet their loved ones, are impossible for me. I graduated from college, there are no men in my work, and I have 2 girlfriends who also don't go out in big companies. I don't think I've done anything so bad in my life, nor am I a bad person, and I really don't know why nothing good happens in my life. I also pray to meet the love of my life, to have a strong and happy family, but unlike believers in social media, miracles don't happen to me. On the contrary - I'm alone and I don't think I ever have a chance to meet the right person. My parents are not interested in me, my dreams are shattered ...

 

All these years, I have struggled with my problems and unhappiness all by myself, but now it really becomes too difficult and I can't stand it, I don't find meaning in life.... I even start thinking that I'm cursed or born to be alone and unhappy, while so many people around the world, especially my age ALREADY have wonderful families and a happy life full of miracles. Please, from the bottom of my heart, I go to therapy, but I would love for you to give me a piece of advice or just an opinion, because I really feel shattered, exhausted, and I can't anymore ...

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That’s the problem I notice with social media and to echo Wiseman on this; pictures don’t show everything!

 

Pictures are captured in a second, in that second it’s like you clear your mind and smile. It doesn’t truly reflect how you really feel all the time. So people who appear happy are happy for the photo. They have their own day to day struggles.

 

I think create your own happiness and self love that it comes radiating out that people will look at your photos and think “Wow, that girl looks like she’s having a blast”. Plus it will attract the love you want.

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I have been that despairingly lonely, and I’m a good 5 years into a dating drought that shows no signs of ending. I’m not despairingly lonely anymore though, I set out with a project to meet more people and hopefully make some of them into friends which bore fruit, and I think I have just become accustomed to flying solo. Of course, I’d still like to meet someone rad. I’m finding dating sites to be extremely bad value and so instead I brainstorm activities I can do outside the house that will bring me into contact with new people.

 

What can you do to diversify your outside of the house activities? Are there church groups you can join? Is there something you can study? What hobbies could you try that are done in a group? The first step is putting yourself in an environment where you can practice interacting with strangers

 

The parallel first step is to be a lot more careful about the stories you tell yourself. I feel exponentially worse about romance not working out when I tell myself ‘IT WILL NEVER WORK AND I WILL BE ALONE FOREVEEEEEER’

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God has a plan for you, Raquelle. We all have a purpose and I think if you're looking at Christians overall, each and every one of those individuals has had to find their faith in some form or another. If you do follow Christianity or are more interested spiritually, you might be better taking a time out from dating and focusing on your relationship with God. This is only if you're interested in walking that faith. Your belief and your purpose comes from God, not from within you. Read the bible if you're interested in some of the teachings and start from there, do your research and ask questions. It is definitely ok to ask and pursue that if you're interested. The first step is to learn.

 

Christians don't draw strength from themselves but from their faith and in Christ, God and the Holy Spirit which are one - this is the Holy Trinity. We learn and we evolve as people and Christ teaches to live in faith and trust in Him, not to rely solely on yourself. Have faith in your own abilities. You were made in Christ. Place your trust in Him.

 

Anyway, please take care of yourself and I hope you find peace.

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Raquelle.

 

Every single person in this world has some kind of obstacle or problem. As other posters have said, don't be fooled by social media nonsense.

 

And you are only 26! Oh to be 26 again. My feet never touched the ground lol.

 

We must find contentment within ourselves, and work on acquiring that resilience which will help us overcome life's difficulties. No outside force, human or deity can provide that for you.

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Never buy into the white picket fence, perfect family life. Everyone has struggles: financially, mentally, socially, health, etc.

 

In my four decades, I have learned many things along the way. Chance and circumstance is a big one I've discovered. Sometimes you fall into a series of events and circumstances that just lead you into different directions.

This happens with friends of friends, careers decisions, where you decide to live, travel experiences, etc.

 

My advice may be drastic but fundamentally simple.....it's time to shake things up.

Try something new, join some new clubs, dare yourself to try something you have never done before, perhaps something with personal growth. Rock climbing, hiking Everest, start a side business, etc.

 

On the Christian side of things, you can also look into taking an active role into the community, perhaps with volunteering, youth groups, Sunday school or the like.

 

 

You are 26 and have 50-75 plus years to go. If you don't find fulfilment and meaning, make it a priority to seek it out even through unconventional ways.

 

You are young!! It's cliche but true. "when the going gets tough, the tough get going"

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How did you get involved in this? What is wrong with the faith you were brought up in? If you are looking for someone whose faith doesn't exist in your country, you will continue to be extremely lonely and only have LDRs.

 

It seems more like you are depressed from having unrealistic expectations from scanning social media too much and thinking another faith is your magic bullet to happiness. You would be better off going to a doctor for help with your feelings of hopelessness, isolation and despair than praying.

 

These social media profiles are strangers, not friends or magically happy people. You need to decide to be happy , get help medically and stop looking far and wide for a false elusive happiness. Why can't you date local people?

I am a believer who lives neither in America, nor in England, nor in a country where there are Protestant churches.

I started following profiles of Christians in social media

 

I am 26 years old and so far, I have only had one relationship.- I'm alone and I don't think I ever have a chance to meet the right person.

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To be honest I think you kind of have a black and white way of thinking and you don't seem to see the bigger picture. I'm not trying to judge you but I think being realistic may actually help you feel better. You're making a lot of "never" statements. "Never will find a relationship". We actually can't predict the future, we literally have no idea what will happen to us. Saying things like never this or that will actually just continue to upset you and put you in that negative mindset. When we think something of ourselves, that ends up being our reality because we made it our reality.

 

Also you need to be realistic about following all these social media accounts. Very few people (especially public accounts) will actually write negative things on their social media. Especially if they have a big following or are paid influencers. They will just post happy pictures and happy things only. Nobody's life is perfect and nobody's relationships are perfect. I'm not trying to say bad things about religious people. But I remember I used to go out with my friend who was religious and her church friends. Some of them got married as a teenager mainly so they were allowed to have sex with their partner. Then they realised they rushed it and they weren't even in love with that person. Again I'm sure it's not every Christian but it does happen to some. Usually social media is in fact the equivalent of a romantic movie. Only positive, even fake things are being portrayed.

 

It might look like those people on social media found someone so easily, but how do you know? Maybe they put all this hard work into it? Not everyone just has everything fall into their lap.

 

Generally in life, if you want something you have to work for it. If you don't have much opportunity to meet guys at your work or friendship circles, you need to create other opportunities for YOURSELF. Only in movies a girl is just walking in the woods and some hot guy just gallops towards her on his horse lol In real life YOU actually have to look for the guys.

 

If you're Christian, join a church. Join Meetup.com groups, classes, do online dating. How can you say you'll never find a guy if you never tried? If I never looked for a jobs, how can I say I'll never get a job? I have no proof either way because I haven't done anything differently.

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I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I get it. I'm single as well and have been for a while. Most of my friends are married with families and I see all the happy posts on social media as well which make me long for that. And it's true that most people just post the happy moments and leave out the hard moments, but still, it can get into your head sometimes.

 

One thing that I've learned in my life is that if we look to others for our happiness, we will always come up lacking. Even if those others are really great and inspirational people. God is the only one who can bring real joy. Happiness comes and goes. But joy can be found even in the hard moments. The Bible says "Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you." The focus should be on God and His righteousness. And sometimes that's hard... especially when you're feeling single and lonely and just want a different life. So in those times, it takes discipline. Discipline to stay in God's Word and in prayer even when you don't feel like it.

 

I find that I like to do Bible studies... ones that you actually have a book where you write out your answers. It helps me to focus and I find them really interesting. There are a lot of good ones out there. I've done several by Kelly Minter over the past couple of years. She's also a single woman and I find her very relatable and funny. She has videos to go with her studies as well. There are other good ones, too. I used to do a lot of Beth Moore but haven't done hers in a while. Priscilla Schrier is pretty good, too.

 

I will be praying for you to find that focus. And I am also praying that God would bring another good Christian friend alongside you in your life. Regarding romantic relationships, I believe that if you have that desire, that God understands that. Our desires are God-given. Sometimes we just direct them in a different way than He intends. But I wouldn't be surprised if the right person is out there somewhere - maybe you or maybe he just isn't ready yet. Maybe God is still growing you or even protecting you right now. We don't know... only God does. But when the time is right, you won't have to search for it on your own. God will bring that person into your life. You may not understand how it will happen... I don't understand it for myself either. But God is not limited and has all the resources in the Word. You can trust Him. Seek Him first.

 

Hugs.

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  • 3 weeks later...

I have over ten years on you and I'm still waiting for that feeling of being loved and having someone to be with. The moments of happiness in my life have been fleeting and the moments of sadness have been far more frequent then they should. I've felt like I have never fit in, that life has been a never-ending cycle of hurt and anguish. All I've ever wanted is to help people and to have someone to spend my life with. Yet, my attempts to help have usually been brushed aside or I've been made to feel like I'm the one who is wrong and have no right to say or think what I do. And the rare chance at love, has never panned out. So I know how discouraging it can be. But I still believe in a better future. I (maybe foolishly) hold onto hope. I'm not religious, but I believe we have a purpose. And we can never surrender to despair and darkness.

 

Try not to focus on what you don't have, and focus on what you do. And if you can't think of anything, at least you have you. You are a wonderful individual, with a good heart. You have skills and talents, you have things that have brought you joy. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. Before you can find love in another, you must love yourself. Focus on being the best you that you can be, on being your real authentic self. Volunteer, the feeling of helping others and putting a smile on someone's face can make any soul feel good, lifting it from depression. Turn your sadness into a calling, helping to make sure others don't feel as you have. Take those negative feelings and turn them into positive actions. The more you focus on other things, the less it will hurt. You'll still have bad days, but you'll make it through. And when you aren't looking or so focused on it, when you are happy with just you, that's when things surprise you and happen out of nowhere. And even if it doesn't, you'll be enjoying your life too much to notice.

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