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Am I being strung along.. or does he actually care?


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Hi all. Thanks for the advice on my other post. I was really going to just cut contact and move on. But, my ex has been going kinda crazy. And I caved and got pulled back into this. So now, I’m wondering if I’m being strung along or not. I really want to cut off contact, but if there’s a chance things will be okay, or we can at least reconcile and move on happily instead of angrily, then I want to wait. Sorry it’s a long post again.

 

Anyways. Ever since day 1 of the breakup 2 weeks ago, he texted me 3 hours later saying he doesn’t know if he’s making a mistake or not and feels heartbroken and that he’ll keep in touch and wanted to see me again when we exchange stuff. I ignored. He called me and texted 4 more times within that weekend, I ignored. Until finally I responded just to let him know I’m not ghosting him and that I will bring back his stuff, I just need space and time to heal. And he said okay more time, we can do that. Then he texts me again 2 days later saying he’s trying to fall asleep but can’t stop thinking about me and hopes I have a great week. I replied the next day saying he really broke my heart and that he can’t keep texting me like this because I don’t trust him and feel like so much of our relationship was a lie. (Part of his reasoning for ending things was bc he was falling out of love. Which I had no clue and I wish he had just talked to me first before calling it quits.) He responded saying our love was real and he doesn’t want to take those feelings away, but that he understands and he’ll stop texting me.

 

Then we finally didnt speak for 5ish days. Until he drunk called me both weekend nights. The second night I answered because it was realllyyyy late and woke me up worried. He legit was at a party and stepped away to call me and ask about my day. I tried to end the convo and he got sad & says “you’re right I’m sorry, I’m just getting emotional now so I’ll go, I love you bye” then called me again at 5 AM And I texted saying what’s up (worried me again cuz it was so late) And he says “I miss you” “I wanna see you” and “all my feelings are ruined without you even trying” lol don’t know what that last one meant but I told him we could talk when he’s sober. So the next day I texted asking if he meant what he said. He said he did but that he’s really sorry for calling me drunk and waking me up. Then later I tried to call him so we could talk, and texted him but he ignored. Then 3 days later of no contact he sends me a VERY long text basically admitting that he Let his implulsive feelings throw away what we had, that he’s sad thinking about all the memories we had and we Probly won’t have anymore, that he misses me and lost his partner and it hurts. That he wants to see me sooner rather than later. So I responded nicely saying it really didn’t have to be this way and let’s meet up and talk eventually after giving more space, so we can have clearer minds. And he says “we can definitely talk whenever your ready” then the next day texts me saying “have a good weekend 💞” then texted me at 3am (I’m guessing drunk) saying “whatre you doing rn?” And then saying “I miss you.” I didn’t respond so then he messaged me around noon sayin “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to text you last night.” So, then, I tried to call him cuz I’m tired of this and wanted to know if he wanted to talk. and no answer.

 

Then, last night I go to my friends party. Posted a snap of flip cup and u can see a guys legs in it. I got a lil drunk and felt sad without my ex by my side. So I texted him just saying why won’t he call me back after saying all those things to me. and then he replies hours later saying “idk why you’re texting me when you’re hanging out w other dudes” wow... so then I wasn’t gunna answer that. How’s that fair? Clearly the thought of me with someone else bothers him though. But this morning he texts again saying “so what’s up?” I asked to call him he says “no we’ll talk tomorrow” then he says “but I wanna text you today” and I say “about what? I just think a phone call is better and I don’t want to fight” and he says “I just want to text you normally” so I say, can we talk on the phone normally for a bit? I don’t think texting all day normally will help us. And then.... nooo answer lol. But at this point today I’m feeling so sad about all this because he was so nice and kept reaching out the first week and a half and now all of a sudden this weekend he’s turned cold after sending me that long heartfelt text. So I called him and left a voicemail, and no answer.

 

He’s been watching all my IG stories and snap stories and he keeps liking my new posts and still hasn’t removed the pic of us off his page. So part of me feels like he really doesn’t want to let go yet but is maybe confused? He also told me he needed time and space and wasn’t feeling like himself, when we broke up. But to me it’s not fair and it really hurts. And he’s the one who keeps reaching out, so it doesn’t seem like he’s giving himself time. He kept saying we can talk whenever I’m ready, but when I reach out to him he ignores or says we’ll talk another time. If he’s just keeping me as a side option I really need to walk away. But it makes me sad because we both played an insanely large part in eachothers lives and I’m shocked he’s treating me this way. And I’ve been way too nice now, I keep answering him. I only reached out first two times, after he was ignoring me tho. The first week I was much more firm but now I caved a lot. I really wanted us to meet up and talk but now it’s like we went backwards with our progress. I deleted his number today so that way I won’t reach out first.

 

Just adding in here: his mom reached out to tell me he’s just been sad/quiet in his room a lot and won’t talk to her. If he’s so sad and emotional and can’t stop telling me he misses me, idk why he’s being cold now? He broke up with me yet is weirdly acting like the victim.

 

So yeah, idk :( I really don’t want to believe he’s being that much of a liar/stringing me along. Because what kind of heartless person would send super long heartfelt texts like that??? He was basically admitting he regrets breaking up. I’m not sure what happened within the past 5 days to change his mind.

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"He kept saying we can talk whenever I’m ready, but when I reach out to him he ignores or says we’ll talk another time."

 

This tells you all you need to know.

 

And I know, you'll ask "but why does he keep texting me?" And the answer is, because you let him. He gets to have emotional support and attention from you without him having to give you a thing except crumb texts. So win-win for him, not so much for you.

 

Do you want to continue in this nonsense texting limbo? If not, stick to your guns and when you say you need time and space, make sure you mean it this time.

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I'll take a guess and say this looks more about winning the race, rather than winning you back. Having said that, if he truly wanted to get back together, do you think he'd risk losing you by playing games?

 

On another note I'd be careful about throwing out the bait, as it usually backfires more often than not. I'd move forward.

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"He kept saying we can talk whenever I’m ready, but when I reach out to him he ignores or says we’ll talk another time."

 

This tells you all you need to know.

 

And I know, you'll ask "but why does he keep texting me?" And the answer is, because you let him. He gets to have emotional support and attention from you without him having to give you a thing except crumb texts. So win-win for him, not so much for you.

 

Do you want to continue in this nonsense texting limbo? If not, stick to your guns and when you say you need time and space, make sure you mean it this time.

Bolt is spot on here. This situation is nonsense.

 

I guess the emotional drama is exciting and giving you something to do during a pandemic.

 

Speaking of pandemics...being at parties is not a good idea. just saying

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I have to wonder if he found himself interested in someone else, and wants to explore it, but is keeping you just barely warm in case that doesn't work out.

 

Whatever the case, a guy who really wants you back in his life isn't going to yank you around the way this one is doing. He isn't serious about reconciling; he's just looking for attention when it suits him, and you're on your way to more heartbreak here. It's going to hurt a lot if you continue to engage with him only to find out someday in the not-so-distant future that he's met another girl. He is immature and you need to stop letting him toy with you.

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Unfortunately his on/off behavior indicates that he wants to reduce this to FWB or drunken hookups on his terms. You need to go no contact because you are hoping to reconcile and he is just jerking you around.

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Does he care? No, because he doesn't mind that he's hurting you by keeping you on his fishing line, but no, he doesn't plan on reeling you in for the catch. He gets an ego boost that you choose to wriggle on the line, entertaining him.

 

He "fell" out of love. If you two got back together, when the newness wore off, he'd fail to put in the effort to remain in love, just like he let himself do before.

 

He doesn't sound like any prize to me, and when you get some time and distance away, you'll probably shake your head at why you wanted him back. Hurry up and exchange your goods and then block and delete. You're worthy of a treasure, not fool's gold.

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