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Boyfriend unhealthy lifestyle


Mnmny

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Do different eating habits affect relationships in the long term? I am dating a guy who is quite overweight but is also active whenever he needs to be. However, as we've been interacting more and more and talk about what we had during the day etc, i've come to realize that we have different eating habits and he also doesn't seem to give importance to physical activity. I wouldn't say he is lazy though. He gets work done when he has to. What gets on my nerves are things like eating sugar coated cereals, or fried foods more often than he should. While I am no health freak or a gym rat and by no means have a body with the ideal amount of fat, I do understand the importance of being accountable for how you take care of yourself especially when you're growing older. We don't live together yet so I don't know if this lifestyle is a result of him living alone and having a hectic work schedule which he why he doesn't care much. He is not very fussy about eating simple meals its just that he doesn't care about putting in too much effort in cooking as he is living alone.

 

My concern here is not relating to his physical appearance or attraction but more about the health aspect. Is this something that should be addressed before you plan on moving in with someone?

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You can address it or at least take note of it. For example, mention that you notice he's been eating a lot of sugar lately. Does he notice a change in energy levels? Put the question out there so it doesn't sound a bit rude. He may have a work out routine he's working on but hasn't told you yet or is dealing with something at the moment and has lapsed. Let him come to his own conclusions about how it makes him feel or how it affects him lately.

 

On the topic of healthy eating habits, yes, sugary foods do have an effect on energy levels and longevity or how long a person can go without eating again (more unhealthy foods). Poor meal choices do have an effect on a person's energy, motivation and ability to focus or concentrate.

 

Overall, I'd ask this question also: Am I happy being with someone whose lack of care and attention in general is pervasive (if it is)?

 

You may be dealing with a character trait that is not just about healthy eating habits and you both may be incompatible. I think it's a good thing to notice and appreciate differences and similarities.

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"More than he should"? You are not his mother. In fact you only met once and live on different sides of the world. This cyber relationship is doing you more harm than good. In your mind you're already the nagging wife about his diet and porn.

 

 

Is this the same man?

 

https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=565319&p=7228200&viewfull=1#post7228200

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I don’t think this is your concern since you are not actually in a real life relationship with him and likely never will be.

 

However, let’s pretend you are in a relationship with him.

His eating habits are none of your business.

If you don’t like his eating habits and that’s a deal breaker for you then dump him.

If his eating habits are not a deal breaker then leave it alone.

 

What exactly are you looking for here? A reason to stop conversing online? You don’t need one.

You can stop at any given time you want.

 

There is no contact. And you don’t need a reason to end it. You simply can.

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I don’t think this is your concern since you are not actually in a real life relationship with him and likely never will be.

 

However, let’s pretend you are in a relationship with him.

His eating habits are none of your business.

If you don’t like his eating habits and that’s a deal breaker for you then dump him.

If his eating habits are not a deal breaker then leave it alone.

 

What exactly are you looking for here? A reason to stop conversing online? You don’t need one.

You can stop at any given time you want.

 

There is no contact. And you don’t need a reason to end it. You simply can.

 

I agree with this. I will say my husband's eating habits improved when we married -we didn't live together before marriage despite spending lots of time at each others' places. For example he now eats breakfast -a reasonable breakfast -which is good for health and weight maintenance, etc. I try to have healthful foods around, I don't think his diet is awesome at all and I do my utmost not to say things about it. I actually am very successful at it. Once in a blue moon I'll mention him hitting our m and m jar too often (yes we have one, yes I eat one m and m a day, yes I have that level of discipline). He responds well -you know why? Because it's rare and because he knows I'm not nagging and he's pleasant about it. I will say this -if he was very overweight and not into some level of fitness (I am quite a bit -cardio) that wouldn't work for me especially since we have a son and I want him to be active and fit -to me that's about health and values. I also like to be with motivated, ambitious people and find that those who are are that way across the board -not just about work or just about hobbies, etc.

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Quite so, Wiseman.

 

""More than he should"? You are not his mother. In fact you only met once and live on different sides of the world. This cyber relationship is doing you more harm than good"

 

OP, if this quasi-stranger wants to eat himself stupid until he becomes a tub of lard then let him.

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Let's approach this with a thought experiment. If you went on a few dates with someone and learned that (a) they follow a lot of porn stars on social media and (b) have eating habits that unnerve you, what is your reaction? More dating, or a graceful exit from the romantic laboratory?

 

I put it that way because, along with others here, I think what's got you hamstrung is that you've assigned someone you don't really know a major label: boyfriend. Powerful stuff, labels. Once we've labeled something, we want to continue cultivating that something, even when that something turns out to be...well, not what we want, not what genuinely works with who we are.

 

Non-romantic example: I moved to Los Angeles 2.5 years ago. I didn't label it "home" right away, however, but gave myself one year to explore the idea that it could become my home, if the personality of the city and my personality got along well. Yeah, that meant living in a bit of limbo, but it also meant that I was able to really feel it out: the good, the frustrating, the whole spectrum. I found the whole spectrum pretty majestic, and now when I call it "home" there's nothing aspirational about that label. The label is beside the point, really.

 

I can't do anything to make Los Angeles less congested, or scrub away the parts of the city that can be a little saucy or superficial. I can't do anything to make it rain more than a few glorious minutes a year. It is what it is, which is to say that this man's eating habits are just that: him, who he is, not something for you to see about changing or even learning to be "cool" with. If you can't help but judge them as negative, and can't help but be consumed by that judgement—well, that's okay. A thing that happens. Your own spirit asking you to listen to it, rather than to a story your brain and heart are writing.

 

I know you're emotionally and mentally invested here, and I want to respect that. But I do hope that as you find yourself picking apart his habits—the way this individual human lives his life—you can take a step back and ask the bigger question: not about IG followings and sugary cereal, but about compatibility, and maybe about the very real limitations in trying to gauge compatibility from afar, with someone you don't know very well.

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I do not understand what you get out of this.

 

You live on different continents and have only met once. He has a porn addiction and is unable to perform in the bedroom, now you are unhappy with his lifestyle. Why aren't you dating someone who is local? Do you have issues with emotional unavailability?

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My husband and I have similar eating and exercise habits. Physical appearance is a reflection of inside the body such as heart health, hypertension, diabetes or pre-diabetes, etc.

 

Your boyfriend (or husband / wife / spouse / partner)'s lifestyle affects your life.

 

I'll give you an example: My MIL (mother-in-law) is very unhealthy yet her husband is healthy. She's a real drag to the entire family her whole life. She sleeps too much, she's sickly and planning anything is impossible with her. Either she arrives too late for every event or occasion, declines attending altogether because she sleeps all the time, has unreasonable dietary restrictions so cooking for her is impossible, she's extremely picky to the point of my not enjoying home entertaining my in-laws anymore or when we have an outing, we always have to cut it short because she doesn't last the duration of the outting. My FIL (father-in-law) and the rest of us would have an easier life if we didn't constantly have to drop everything for her, race to her aid as if she's a damsel in distress and cater to her every whim. We pretty much have to put all of our plans in suspension on account of her. She's been this way all her entire life. So yes, a person's poor health impacts everyone else in the family tree. She's helpless and can't do anything. She even admitted that she's lazy. She doesn't cook, habitually orders carry out or take out meals or eats at restaurants daily 365 days per year. She's inactive and has aches 'n pains galore from head to toe. Most of all, since she's so unhealthy and doesn't want to do anything about improvement, she's irritable and not easy to get along with. She's cranky all the time which doesn't make for pleasant company. There's a definite sound body, sound mind connection. When the body is unhealthy, the mind turns to mush.

 

A person's unhealthy lifestyle does indeed affect your life. Or, while an unhealthy person is young, youth is still on their side albeit temporarily. Then as they age year by year and over the years or decades, their poor lifestyle habits (poor diet, lack of exercise, drinking, smoking, drugs, etc.) catches up with them eventually. You'll end up taking take care of a sickly guy and you're the one who has to play nursemaid. That's what happened to my grandfather. My grandmother was saddled with a caretaker role because he was diabetic, smoked and drank during his youth, ate whatever he desired and he paid the price for it. His freedom came at such a dear cost. He had several heart attacks, became a walking pharmacy and took pills for everything.

 

Sure, you cannot control genetics but at least a healthy lifestyle is better than not trying to live a healthy lifestyle.

 

It's better to be evenly yoked with a person with similar lifestyle habits IMHO. You two can relate better and have more in common.

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My husband and I have similar eating and exercise habits. Physical appearance is a reflection of inside the body such as heart health, hypertension, diabetes or pre-diabetes, etc.

 

Your boyfriend (or husband / wife / spouse / partner)'s lifestyle affects your life.

 

I'll give you an example: My MIL (mother-in-law) is very unhealthy yet her husband is healthy. She's a real drag to the entire family her whole life. She sleeps too much, she's sickly and planning anything is impossible with her. Either she arrives too late for every event or occasion, declines attending altogether because she sleeps all the time, has unreasonable dietary restrictions so cooking for her is impossible, she's extremely picky to the point of my not enjoying home entertaining my in-laws anymore or when we have an outing, we always have to cut it short because she doesn't last the duration of the outting. My FIL (father-in-law) and the rest of us would have an easier life if we didn't constantly have to drop everything for her, race to her aid as if she's a damsel in distress and cater to her every whim. We pretty much have to put all of our plans in suspension on account of her. She's been this way all her entire life. So yes, a person's poor health impacts everyone else in the family tree. She's helpless and can't do anything. She even admitted that she's lazy. She doesn't cook, habitually orders carry out or take out meals or eats at restaurants daily 365 days per year. She's inactive and has aches 'n pains galore from head to toe. Most of all, since she's so unhealthy and doesn't want to do anything about improvement, she's irritable and not easy to get along with. She's cranky all the time which doesn't make for pleasant company. There's a definite sound body, sound mind connection. When the body is unhealthy, the mind turns to mush.

 

A person's unhealthy lifestyle does indeed affect your life. Or, while an unhealthy person is young, youth is still on their side albeit temporarily. Then as they age year by year and over the years or decades, their poor lifestyle habits (poor diet, lack of exercise, drinking, smoking, drugs, etc.) catches up with them eventually. You'll end up taking take care of a sickly guy and you're the one who has to play nursemaid. That's what happened to my grandfather. My grandmother was saddled with a caretaker role because he was diabetic, smoked and drank during his youth, ate whatever he desired and he paid the price for it. His freedom came at such a dear cost. He had several heart attacks, became a walking pharmacy and took pills for everything.

 

Sure, you cannot control genetics but at least a healthy lifestyle is better than not trying to live a healthy lifestyle.

 

It's better to be evenly yoked with a person with similar lifestyle habits IMHO. You two can relate better and have more in common.

 

What does this woman eat?

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What does this woman eat?

 

If one person eats healthy and the other person (partner / spouse / significant other, etc.) doesn't eat healthy, often times it's separate meal preparations which is a hassle. At any rate, the healthy person ends up taking care of the unhealthy person. Either enjoy playing nursemaid eventually or choose a person who shares your similar lifestyle and habits.

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Do different eating habits affect relationships in the long term? I am dating a guy who is quite overweight but is also active whenever he needs to be. However, as we've been interacting more and more and talk about what we had during the day etc, i've come to realize that we have different eating habits and he also doesn't seem to give importance to physical activity. I wouldn't say he is lazy though. He gets work done when he has to. What gets on my nerves are things like eating sugar coated cereals, or fried foods more often than he should. While I am no health freak or a gym rat and by no means have a body with the ideal amount of fat, I do understand the importance of being accountable for how you take care of yourself especially when you're growing older. We don't live together yet so I don't know if this lifestyle is a result of him living alone and having a hectic work schedule which he why he doesn't care much. He is not very fussy about eating simple meals its just that he doesn't care about putting in too much effort in cooking as he is living alone.

 

My concern here is not relating to his physical appearance or attraction but more about the health aspect. Is this something that should be addressed before you plan on moving in with someone?

 

You are approaching this all wrong.

 

"should i address this before we move in?" No, "if someone behaved like my boyfriend does - exercise is not a personal habit, he eats as if he was a 10 year old boy who was suddenly home alone" would I want to marry someone like that? I am not saying he will be or should be the man you marry or even your ages but if you are going to do something that is a commitment of some type --- and your answer is "no" - all that's going to happen is battles. or it will eat at you. And then because you are already living together, you will say 'but its too hard to move out..." Unless he has a wake up call on his own - this is the way he is. You either take him as he is - and he could get better or get way worse and develop diabetes. If the way he does not conduct his life is not for you ------ then find someone else.

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In otherwords, you are not vetting a roommate. "Can i stand Betty Sue hanging her laundry in the bathroom or the fact she doesn't eat with silverware?" But "can i stand the values of this man and how he treats himself if I am evaluating him as a potential down the road husband"

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They met once and live on opposite sides of the world. There are no plans . So it doesn't matter who eats what and his lifestyle has no impact on her half a world away.

How he treats himself eventually impacts your life and lifestyle
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In my home we eat many separate things and some of the same things. No issues at all. Husband and child! I am slightly healthier in my eating habits than my husband. We don't enjoy some of the same things and my son has gone through picky phases. None of us eats a large amount. I prepare some staples -steamed veggies/baked sweet potatoes/plain pasta and I'll buy a roast chicken for example and we mostly fend for ourselves. I make my son's meals. Growing up my mom cooked for all of us but my sister and I were picky and often ate separately and separate things especially as teenagers. No issues. But

 

If my husband was a very unhealthy eater to an extent where it impacted his health/fitness/activity level that wouldn't work with my lifestyle or values.

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They met once and live on opposite sides of the world. There are no plans . So it doesn't matter who eats what and his lifestyle has no impact on her half a world away.

 

My advice pertains to healthy people with unhealthy people in general. When you are in a relationship and live together someday whoever it is whether married or not, eventually the healthier person ends up taking care of the unhealthy person in the same household. I've already seen this dilemma in countless relationships or marriages. The person who takes care of the unhealthy person feels overwhelmed and taxed.

 

It's not a big issue when people are young and they have youth on their side. The problem grows as people age and their unhealthy lifestyle habits catches up with them. If they're alone, they have to somehow take care of themselves. If they're with a partner or spouse, the healthier person takes care of the unhealthy person. Resentment grows due to unfairness, burnout and both physical and mental fatigue.

 

For example, you have one healthy person who is fit, eats right and takes care of his or her health. Then there's the other person who eats badly, sedentary, (smokes / drinks / recreational drugs) and eventually succumbs to diabetes, hypertension, heart problems, debilitating arthritis, aches 'n pains and a host of other ills. The relationship is lopsided because the unhealthy person is a drag and slows everyone else down. I've observed this so many times.

 

If you don't mind playing nursemaid someday, go for it. If you do mind, reconsider.

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Thank you for that reply. I think it's about accountability for self. Unfortunately in my situation i don't know much. My question was solely based on the information iv'e gotten to know over the phone (due to the long distance) so it's hard to tell how exactly a person is living their life. We don't discuss every minute of everyday. It's just a general idea you get when you share these details over the phone. I know many people on this forum don't consider my relationship real because of the fact that we met once and now we're living so far apart. But there is a lot more to this relationship than just the food habits or following instagram models online. I've had these thoughts in my mind and wasn't sure how to approach them, hence, started sharing them on the forum. Distance is not making it easy in anyway to get to know the individual on a more personal level. But if the guy is investing his time inspite of the different time zones, initiating phone calls, keeping the communication open, shares the same values when it comes to family life, even talked about a future together and has told his family and closest friends about me, talked to my parents, and time and again tells me how me cares about me, would it be wise to just walk away because of the habits i mentioned earlier? Like i said before, I am not a health freak either but like to be aware of where I'm at health wise. As far as the following instagram models online is concerned, I know that the reason it is bothering me is because i'm able to see his online activity when i choose to look into it. Whereas, when he watches porn I don't know when it happens and what he's looking at so it doesn't bother me. This relationship may sound like a fantasy to many but i'm not ready to give up just yet. It is certain that I'll be moving in a few months to the city where he's living right now but due to the pandemic it is hard to set a timeline because of the travel restrictions and all that stuff.

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Why do you plan to move there? Have you lived there before? Do you have a job offer? Do you plan to go to university there?

 

You mentioned you had plans to move to his city before you met.

 

In a few months, the process is taking time because of the shutdowns during the pandemic. Yes, I've been there before. I don't have a job offer yet. I also have close friends living in the city to offer support if need be. So in a way i will still be able to have a life of my own regardless of whether i continue to be in a relationship with this man or not.

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Thank you for that reply. I think it's about accountability for self. Unfortunately in my situation i don't know much. My question was solely based on the information iv'e gotten to know over the phone (due to the long distance) so it's hard to tell how exactly a person is living their life. We don't discuss every minute of everyday. It's just a general idea you get when you share these details over the phone. I know many people on this forum don't consider my relationship real because of the fact that we met once and now we're living so far apart. But there is a lot more to this relationship than just the food habits or following instagram models online. I've had these thoughts in my mind and wasn't sure how to approach them, hence, started sharing them on the forum. Distance is not making it easy in anyway to get to know the individual on a more personal level. But if the guy is investing his time inspite of the different time zones, initiating phone calls, keeping the communication open, shares the same values when it comes to family life, even talked about a future together and has told his family and closest friends about me, talked to my parents, and time and again tells me how me cares about me, would it be wise to just walk away because of the habits i mentioned earlier? Like i said before, I am not a health freak either but like to be aware of where I'm at health wise. As far as the following instagram models online is concerned, I know that the reason it is bothering me is because i'm able to see his online activity when i choose to look into it. Whereas, when he watches porn I don't know when it happens and what he's looking at so it doesn't bother me. This relationship may sound like a fantasy to many but i'm not ready to give up just yet. It is certain that I'll be moving in a few months to the city where he's living right now but due to the pandemic it is hard to set a timeline because of the travel restrictions and all that stuff.

 

How many times have you met and dated in person? Watch the feet- what he does-not the lips-what he says. If you were going to move there anyway and live completely independently on your own I don't see the harm in meeting him in person once you move.

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