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A safe space for the heart broken


AceAlice

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Hey ENA angels.

 

I wanted to start a thread with the idea of a safe place to vent, support, and just push through this together.

 

My story is a long one, so I won't delve too deep, but the bare bones of it is that I was engaged and out of the blue broken up with. We planned a life together, she was my best friend, my partner and someone who i honestly believed i would spend the rest of my life with.

 

Its been a couple of months now, and it's a battle of trying to stay no contact, coping okay, crying and wondering why I don't just give up, telling myself that there is more to life than this, spinning out of control, scaring myself with thoughts of suicide and feeling like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

 

I'm in therapy, on anti depressants, exercising everyday, spending time with family, making new friends, working on career goals, letting myself ride the feelings, all the things suggested to move forward. But it's there, pushing me back down the rabbit hole whenever I get closer to the light.

 

I make mistakes, break no contact and push myself back a few steps. No reply from the most recent attempt, which angers me but at least dissipates the stupid hope I've been trying to rid myself of for the past 2 months. Does it help? No, not really. I still miss her, still love her, still would run back to her if she wanted me.

 

It's rough seas currently, and I'm hanging on for my life, but im still hanging on. We just have to hang on.

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Please don't stop believing or trying.

 

Without getting into my own story, I promise you I know how you're feeling. I know how a person can take it only day by day, sometimes minute by minute and the feelings can become so overwhelming.

 

I've been there. I know that place.

 

But I want you to know that it's survivable. Every second that you move forward, IS healing and is getting you to a better place.

I know you don't believe that right now. (I never did when I was in the same position)...but it is true.

 

I did get through it, and no it wasn't easy. It took a long time. But the heartache did heal, the pain did go away.

Give yourself time, keep moving forward. Keep healing.

You WILL get through this. You will have good days again and eventually, you could even find love again with someone new.

 

There is lots of hope left, even if it's tough to see or feel. It is there. Don't give up. You matter and you are still needed/wanted on this earth.

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Please don't stop believing or trying.

 

Without getting into my own story, I promise you I know how you're feeling. I know how a person can take it only day by day, sometimes minute by minute and the feelings can become so overwhelming.

 

I've been there. I know that place.

 

But I want you to know that it's survivable. Every second that you move forward, IS healing and is getting you to a better place.

I know you don't believe that right now. (I never did when I was in the same position)...but it is true.

 

I did get through it, and no it wasn't easy. It took a long time. But the heartache did heal, the pain did go away.

Give yourself time, keep moving forward. Keep healing.

You WILL get through this. You will have good days again and eventually, you could even find love again with someone new.

 

There is lots of hope left, even if it's tough to see or feel. It is there. Don't give up. You matter and you are still needed/wanted on this earth.

 

Thank You so much for your words. I don't want to give up, I'm doing everything I can to not do so. I just have to give myself time and be patient with myself. I know in the midst of this it's hard to see the light, but I'm trying to focus on myself and make the changes I need to be a better person from this.

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I swear by the gym. Its been my savior. Yes its a short fix for 2 hours a day but important your brain gets this shut off time.

You may even meet someone there although you are probably thinking like me i don't want too lol

 

I totally agree with the gym being a savoir. I go every day for at least an hour and I feel like a new person afterwards. And the results are a great bonus too!

I hope you are okay and find peace soon. We Will get there.

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thanks Rose im hangong in there, still a daily battle but I'm not giving up. Hopefully I'll find my happiness in the end x

 

20 years is a long time. Good for you for staying grounded and working out. Eventually the hurt will hurt less and you'll be able to think clearer. I'm still a work in progress too. Probably one of the most eye-opening things for me was realizing that I'm better without than I am with people, things, associations that don't positively add to my life. Everyone will have an opinion on your situation, as I'm sure you've noticed, and plenty more will take advantage of it. Being able to think through things as I've had to didn't come from it plopping conveniently from the sky. I think it was more pure survival than anything else. Being sad is a luxury and I'm not sure I have that.

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I've always found it helpful to limit the amount of time that I'd indulge in drilling into the heartbreak. The goal is to honor my grief even while testing my resilience to avoid staying stuck in that place.

 

Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If I wait until I 'feel like' filling my calendar with commitments to friends, family, neighbors, community, then it won't happen and I'll stay stuck living in my head. That's not healing, it's dwelling, which would only dig me into a deeper hole to climb out of.

 

When I want a new perspective that can only be gained from higher ground, I make it my private goal to get there. That means no wallowing with loved ones, but rather making our time together about them-not-me. I help them with projects, I listen to them rather than bring them down, and I find that moving myself out of my own way helps me to normalize around healthy people who don't deserve to worry about me and my grief.

 

None of this is to invalidate heartbreak, it's about moving beyond it. That doesn't mean there's no pain, it just means that feeling valued by friends and family starts to feel better than moping, and the good times start to outweigh the painful times.

 

Head high, you can do this.

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A broken heart is hard to fix.

Anyone who has been truly in love only to have their heart broken has a journey of healing in front of them.

Many of us on this forum have been there.

My story is a long one, but I was previously married for 13 years to my best friend, my lover, the Mother of our children.

We divorced 10 years ago, and the pain still pops up from time to time. If we didn't have kids together, I would have healed within a year! But with shared children she is still in my life on the outside. Every once in a while when I see her the pain is still there, but not as deep.

 

It sounds cliche, but "one day at a time" is something I subscribe to. You are going to have some rough moments but know that your breakup wasn't 100% your fault. You know deep down that it was mostly because of her.

You will find love again. Who knows, you might find love greater than you could have imagined.

 

Keep your head up. It gets better.

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thanks all your words mean alot. I'm sure the next Mrs right is out there for me, I've now stopped watching the "get an ex back" videos so thats progress, like you we also have kids so its hard. Dont know how ill react if she is seeing soneone and j see them out. That will be a blow to the head! Is it wierd I thjnk of her having sex with someone else and its like a knife through my heart.

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It will get better with the time! You will heal slowly. Just take one step at a time and take your time to make yourself happy and confident again. Good things always come when unexpected. just have faith.

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Jesus, these bad days suck! Going from feeling okayish to absolute rubbish is hard to get used to. On these bad days all i want is my ex back. It's hard to focus on much, and I find myself trying to figure out a way to make things right while knowing I can't change her mind.

 

I know the hope will eventually fade, but God its painful to feel hope for something that is hopeless.

 

Darcus, you hit the nail on the head about the thoughts of her being with someone else is like a knife through the heart. I personally try not to think about it because it hurts like hell, but knowing it is inevitable makes it hard not to think about.

 

I hope you are doing well and looking after yourself. It's all we can really do until time favours us and the feelings dissipate.

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I know mate. I'm 99% sure she is seeing someone, I mean why doesn't she tell me? Should I ask her? Scared to if I honest.

Hang in there mate, hopefully one day we will find love (I know thats the last thing on our mins right now)

Head high

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any updates mate? How u holding up?

 

Hey Darcus.

 

Not a lot to update, kinda going through a bit of a numb point currently. I'm slowly accepting that it's over for good, and my feelings are mixed about this.

 

Im glad because it means I'm moving on, but im also shattered because it shows it's really over. Bloody complicated and messy.

 

How are you dealing, mate?

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hi ya mate.

I'm up and down like a prostitutes knickers. Bad day today. Can u relate that I feel I can't even go to the sea side as last time was with her, can't go to certain places I mean , any advice how to move on. Watched lots of videos on you tube saying no contact but hard for me as we have kids. 16 and 21.

So gutting isn't it

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I definitely can relate with that. What I've been trying to do is make new memories in those places so that they no longer remind me just of the ex. Don't pressure yourself though, just do it at your own pace. Today I have to go near my exes house and I'm dreading it. So many memories are gonna stir and it is gonna suck but that's okay because I lost something that meant a lot to me.

 

Remember that it's totally normal for us to feel the way we do. We lost someone who meant a lot to us and it's normal to hurt. Just try to reclaim those places that meant a lot to the relationship. Rebrand them with your own new and happy memories.

 

I'm sorry it's a bad day, I know how helpless it feels in those sh*t moments. Just do you, do what will make you feel even a bit better. You're doing great, mate.

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She texts me every morning asking if I'm OK, why is this I wonder? Of course it gives me z little hope. I'm trying zero contact but if she is willing to put the effort in, surely I cant just ignore her.

Chin up mate we'll get there.... i hope lol

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