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How do I get out of the "friend zone"?


Chadwick00

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I have a female friend I've known for 10 years. I haven't seen her for a year or more, but just recently she showed up at a mutual friend's house I go to frequently. We talked for hours, and I got her number for the first time.

 

We texted back and forth for for a few weeks, then one Saturday night, she asked what I was doing and if I wanted to come over for a drink and watch TV. I told her I'd like to, but I don't like driving home after drinking, so she offered me the couch. And that's literally all that happened.

 

A week later, we were at a friend's house and had been drinking. I always stay at my friend's house, because I don't like drinking and driving. I went to bed, and woke up at 6:00 a.m., and she was in the bed with me, but left before I was fully awake.

 

So now, we text daily, and she invites me over to watch TV and wine at least once every week, and said it's okay if I sleep with her because the couch is uncomfortable. And that's literally all we've done.

 

I asked her one night if she wanted more than friends, she said we had too much of a history and she didn't want to mess that up, so I haven't really tried anything with her. Closest thing I've gotten, is in bed I'll snuggle her sometimes, but we're both fully clothed and nothing happens, and she doesn't really respond.

 

To make things worse, she was telling me how she was talking about me with a friend and called me her "covid husband". "Were such good friends".

 

I really do like her, and don't want to mess up the friendship, but I also don't like this odd pattern we're in, that she seems comfortable with. This is also the first time in 10 years I've known her that I haven't been seeing someone else. She's always seen me in a relationship.

 

What do I do? And more importantly, how do I do it? Do women want you to surprise them, and just go for it? Or, do I take the less exciting approach, and just talk to her about it and really put me in the friend zone?

 

More importantly, how do I get out of the friend zone?

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Do women want you to surprise them, and just go for it?

 

No. Do not do this when she's already told you she doesn't want to be more than friends.

 

She's looking for a surrogate boyfriend until she meets a guy she does want to date. At most, a FWB, thought the benefits might only go as far as "cuddling." I would take your space from her unless you're prepared to let her go easily when she eventually starts dating someone else.

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She told you she just wants friendship. If you want more and you do, pull away from her and stop being her covid husband.

 

Meet a woman that wants to date you and be her covid husband, cuddle with her, be a good boyfriend to her.

 

When someone sees you as just a friend, it totally stinks. But don't waste your time thinking it will ever change. It does not.

 

If she asks why you pulled away, just be honest. Tell her, you are distancing yourself until your feelings for her change and she needs to respect this or you cant be friends at all.

 

Do not be a doormat or follow her around like a puppy. It may make you unattractive to other women in the group..... like "oh yeah he's great, but he is so hung up on so & so, it's not worth it" No woman wants to play second fiddle. And they'll never believe that you don't like her any more. If you know what I mean.

 

know your worth and have enough self respect to not allow yourself to settle. You can and will fall for someone else, if you let yorself.

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You don't get out of the friendzone. You are there because the woman doesn't find you physically and sexually attractive. Sorry. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you, you just aren't attractive to that particular woman. Contrary to what self proclaimed dating gurus claim online, no you can't create sexual attraction that doesn't exist no matter what you try.

 

On that note, please for the love of, don't ever try to "surprise" a woman by forcing yourself on her. It's called assault and in some jurisdictions rape. Depending on how badly she reacts to that "surprise" you might find yourself in handcuffs and facing jail time.

 

Basically, dude, if you don't like the dynamic and you can see that your attraction is one sided, which she has been crystal clear about, you stop wasting your time and move on to women who are actually interested in more than you using you like a stuffed teddy bear. If you don't want to play this weird cuddle buddy nonsense then man up and walk away from such bs.

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So you are going to back off and she will notice and probably ask you why.

 

Simply tell her the truth. "I really like you and I am interested in more than friendship so I think it is best to back off so I can focus on meeting someone that wants to be more than friends" "I appreciate our friendship and think this is the best way to preserve that"

 

Then do exactly what you say and back off and start looking to meet other women. I am sure you will run into her at your mutual friends house now and again so be nice and talk like always but cut the conversations short after you catch up a little and go talk to someone else. This will keep you from falling back into the friend trap. Don't sit next to her. do not cuddle on the couch and do not try and change her mind.

 

To be straight with you I don't think you can be friends with her because you want romance and she wants a buddy to do boyfriend things with except the romance and sex part. Until you meet someone else the "friendship" will be unhealthy for you.

 

Lost

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OK, besides her not being interested in you sexually, what is the mixed messaging of sleeping in the same bed all about?

 

She knows your interest and invites you into her bed? For what, a jammie party?

 

Yes, she has said no. I get it. Never push.

 

But she is being kind of passively cruel by putting you in her bed when she knows you want her.

 

If I were you, I'd ratchet down this friendship. Never get in bed with a woman who doesn't want you.

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What do you mean you have too much history? I'm also puzzled about the non-response in bed. Does she just lay there?

 

I think she's not quite with it and that is ok too. She's not into you, maybe more than not emotionally available and she's using you to tell her friends about you but isn't good for anything else. She may also be very clueless and not sure how to date someone. Don't go over and sleep in her bed or on her couch anymore. Use Uber or a taxi to get home, call a friend. Anything. Don't stay there.

 

Take her out to dinner and tell her you want to date her if you want to date her. If she is the real deal or what you're looking for (not into casual sex or looking for something more serious/down to earth), she sounds afraid and is doing all the wrong things in the wrong order.

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She has made it clear to you that "we're just good friends." :eek:

 

You will always remain in the friend zone. Reduce texting, keep it brief and infrequent yet polite, know your healthy enforced boundaries, no more coming over for drinking and crashing at her place for bed snuggles. Cut that out.

 

Meet in public, practice social distancing, wear masks and remain 6 feet apart during this COVID-19 pandemic. In the future, know your place as a gentlemanly friend who behaves properly otherwise you'll only get hurt and disappointed time and time again because you'll want more than she's willing to give.

 

Back off.

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How to get out of the "friends zone?" you date someone else.

 

Being someone's cuddle buddy is the kiss of death. Stop sleeping in a woman's bed unless sex is on the table. Sleep overs are for kids.

 

Wait what? I thought TRIX were for kids??? :D

 

Being used for companionship until something else comes along is never a good thing. This isn't a Hallmark movie where the girl suddenly realizes the guy right in front of her face is Mr. Right.

 

If there is ever a chance for her to change her mind it will be because you walked away from this "friendship"

 

Best wishes

Lost

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To add more confusion, I forgot to add that she went to the beach 3 weeks ago, and was sending me pictures of her and her girlfriends all in bikinis. Maybe she enjoys knowing that I really like her and enjoys the feeling of being wanted?

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Sounds like stuff she sends to girlfriends. Try not to read into it too much.

To add more confusion, I forgot to add that she went to the beach 3 weeks ago, and was sending me pictures of her and her girlfriends all in bikinis. Maybe she enjoys knowing that I really like her and enjoys the feeling of being wanted?
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To add more confusion, I forgot to add that she went to the beach 3 weeks ago, and was sending me pictures of her and her girlfriends all in bikinis. Maybe she enjoys knowing that I really like her and enjoys the feeling of being wanted?

 

lol.....that is what women tend to wear when on the beach. Point being that you are trying to read something into nothing. What she is sending you is look buddy we are having fun at the beach. What you are reading into it.....is just plain wrong on your part.

 

Dude, you literally just got out of a toxic relationship that you've been clinging to for 5 years.....now you are thinking about forcing yourself on a friend....wth is going on with you? Serious question.

 

Please take a long big step back from any dating and women at large. You really need to get your head screwed on straight because your behavior is way off. Be single, stand on your own two feet, get comfortable in your own skin and shake off this desperation you seem to be carrying to be with a warm body, any warm body whether they want you or not. Thirsty doesn't even begin to describe you. Why are you soooo desperate? Do you think you are not a whole person without dating or something?

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Dude...if you want a girlfriend you have to be a bit more interesting than going to people's houses to drink and watch tv and drink so much so you have to spend the night. You are always either going to be friendzoned or the guy that is okay, but they don't want to date someone that has no other interests than that. I get it Covid, but meeting someone at an outdoor cafe or a picnic in the park or hiking is safer and much more interesting.

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