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Grieving my mom still - 2 years


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Hi All,

 

My mom passed away unexpectedly 2 years ago this past June. I feel like some days I have found some peace with it but other days I feel like it is all fresh and new and I just can't ease the pain. I am not in denial and yet some days I just can't seem to accept that she is gone.

 

I grieve for myself and for my children. She was a huge part of their lives. I grieve all the important moments in their lives that she won't share.

 

I was not at all prepared for her passing. It was sudden and she was fairly young. I was with her in the end and it wan't peaceful. I watched as the medical team performed CPR several times over the course of the night and I had to finally make the decision to let her go.

 

I have looked for grief counseling groups in my area and haven't yet found any. I also am in therapy and it helps some.

 

I know there are many others who have lost loved ones and have worse situations that I do. I feel like I need to handle this better but some days all I can do is cry.

 

I guess I just feel lost with this grief.

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I am so so sorry for your loss!

 

While her passing didn’t seem peaceful to you , it was likely that she wasn’t too aware and therefore not as traumatic to her as it was for you.

 

2 years is not a long time ! Be a little kinder to yourself and realise it’s ok to have bad days.

 

Because you have children , that possibly kept you continuing with life as it were but didnt really give you the opportunity to fully grieve your loss in an otherwise reasonable timeframe.? Or at least what others consider a reasonable timeframe. The reality is that there is no timeframe and grief is individual.

 

I don’t think you need counselling , I think you are doing fine under the circumstances, but perhaps you need to just chat with others in similar settings?

 

Have you considered looking up forums online more specific to what you are going through?

But more importantly local meet up groups for bereavement?

 

You are doing amazingly well I think after only going through 2 birthdays, 2 Christmas. 2 anniversaries etc.

She would be super proud of you!

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My condolences, redsox22 and I'm sorry for your tremendous loss.

 

Your wounds are still fresh. I was you long ago and even though it's hard to see this now, time will heal your old wounds someday. It took me years.

 

What helped me through the years were healthy distractions with my family life, marriage, children, hobbies, fitness, church life, surrounding myself (including virtually) with moral, upstanding people (friends, relatives & in-laws), reading library books, watching great movies, cooking, quilting and getting busy. I was so overwhelmed with my frenetic pace that I felt too fatigued and taxed to grieve which was to my benefit. I hope you will find healthy outlets for yourself.

 

Hang in there.

 

Whenever a loved one passed away, I remembered everything they had taught me such as their wise words, advice, their sense of style and preferences. Then in loving memory, I find comfort and solace when I take what I had learned from them and apply it to my life, family and friends. I hope you will, too.

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Sounds eerily similar to when I lost my mom 7 years ago this month.

 

It was really hard for the first couple years, but these days when I think of her it’s usually with a smile and a chuckle, or that deep, warm love feeling and gratitude.

 

Of course I still miss her and occasionally have a good cry, but it definitely gets easier.

 

All she gave you is evident in the way you parent your children and conduct your relationships at home, work and so on... pass the best parts on and make her proud!

 

All the best

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Hi there,

 

I'm so sorry you're hurting. I agree with the others, don't worry about how long (or short) it's been. That's just going to make it harder on you if you put pressure on yourself to heal. You said you've looked for grief recovery groups locally and haven't found any--have you looked at any churches in your area? I know a oftentimes they'll offer recovery and healing groups. Of course meeting in person right now is a different story anyway. But there's lots of great resources online too. This is a compilation of grief resources (everything from helping kids cope with loss, and support groups, etc.) that may help: https://bit.ly/2CCqrsO

 

God bless.

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My heart goes out to you. I don't believe that we ever get 'over' losing a parent. I will offer that's it's been helpful to me when I speak to my Dad during rough times in my life. I've decided that his energy and strength are his gifts to me, and whenever I'm faced with challenges, I tell him that I'm doing my best and I hope to make him proud.

 

We don't need to squash our spiritual beliefs into formal religious concepts in order to benefit. We can simply recognize that the love and connection we share with people doesn't 'have to' end just because their body is done working.

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Grieving is a process so I do think two years is a long time not to see any change. A few months after is often the most difficult time as it seems that most around you have gone back to living their lives and moved on. That makes it more difficult to talk about with the people who also knew her. What you were describing about these feelings coming in waves is very common. I agree with the others that you never get over it, but in a sense you should come to terms with it. Losing a parent in a sense is kind of normal as opposed to a parent losing a child. This also depends on how old you mom was.

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I am so sorry for to hear this. I agree with Lukeb that it comes in waves. Be kind to yourself when you're going through that and take a time out. Hug your kids for her. I think her legacy lives on in your children and you.

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My condolences, dont know we ever move on from such a loss but we slowly start living our life. I lost my dad June 2012 , still keep talking to him seeing him in dreams sometimes i drive and talk to him.

I had a habit of seeing him every morning before he went for work, Sundays he use to cook for us he loved watching sports, the house was full of energy.

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