Jump to content

Recommended Posts

So a few months ago among the pandemic my girlfriend broke up with me.

She said on top of personal things going on in her life that relationship stress started to get to her and a main reason was because she’s bi sexual and found other girls attractive and at times would feel confused/bad for it. She told me I was the only guy she wanted and the relationship still meant a lot to her but that other part of her still liked girls as well and at times I would even assure her as long as I’m the only guy in the picture then I had no problem with her exploring the other side of her sexuality.

I’ll admit it did suck because it was the best relationship I’ve ever had (we were close friends “casually dating” for about a year but were officially a thing for two months. She asked me to be her boyfriend.) and especially because it ended so suddenly after sharing a lot of experiences, memories, inside jokes etc. However I valued our friendship like at the start a lot and she even told me we could remain friends and talk like normal...but we didn’t really.

The night of the breakup (which was by text because of quarantine) I mentioned I still had her Xbox we used to play and she said she would get it soon.

Then She would send me stuff on social media on and off and then she wouldn’t reply to me after a while. She also still follows some of my family members still and even likes their posts as a side note and yes she still follows me as well. I brought up the Xbox three more times saying I’d return it or she could come get it but every time she’d ignore it or reply about something completely different.

*a month after breakup*

We went a bit without talking then the next week she texts me at 2am drunk saying she’s in town near my neighborhood and I ask why but she doesn’t reply.

At this point I’ve also stopped texting her because I figured I’m irrelevant to her now and I was working on myself.

A couple weeks go by and she texts me asking what kind of burrito I used to get at this place we used to go to which she should know because she used to tease me about me getting the same thing everytime. Then she asks me if it’s a certain size...they’re all the same size! But I tell her anyways, she says thanks and that’s that.

A whole month goes by and we don’t talk at all.

Two weeks ago She finally texts me asking how I am and I tell her I’m alright. She goes on to tell me her family moved back to their old town (which is near me) and I ask her how the move went and....I’m left on read again.

Now two nights ago, or morning, she texts me at 3am asking why I haven’t been on social media and I tell her I haven’t had a reason.

She then asks if I’m mad at her and I let her know I never have been.

Then she tells me her heads clearer now and wants to know if I want to be friends again. She also says she misses me as a person and the we should hang out and catch up soon.

Of course I told her I’m up for it because I do miss her too and I’d love to have my friend back. Sure I would be up to resume the relationship but I’m not trying to put her through that again if it’ll stress her out again and I still value the friendship more.

I’m also pretty sure she’s also talking or maybe even seeing a girl right now too by the way...or maybe not?


So I guess I’m asking if anyone thinks does she actually miss me? Is there a chance she still has feelings for me? Does she wanna really be friends? Is there anything I’m missing?


My personal take: she just wants to hangout for no more than an hour because she’s curious and that’s all and just to get the Xbox or am I wrong for assuming that?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I am sure you are confused about the whole thing. And in your mind you want her to think about you and miss you because you think about her and miss her. If you knew she didn't miss you, it would send you down a spiral and drive you crazy and ask if life is fair.


Let me tell you why I think she contacts you.. Reasons could be various and vast but it sounds to me that she is 1. Emotionally disconnecting from you. OR.. 2. She is trying to ease her guilt by making sure that you are okay. Or it could be both.


She has told you she misses you as a person. I would take that as a "I miss you, but don't want to be in a relationship with you". She still wants you in her life because she likes how you make her feel but wants to keep you emotionally at arms length because she doesn't romantically feel the same way as you. So its up to you to decide if she gets what she wants or not. And I can tell you by being available to her only makes it worse for you. I know you want to be there because maybe she will see you as a BF again. Rarely works that way. In my experience if she wants you its because she misses being with you, so she has to see a life without you. This tactic is not to try to get her back. This tactic is for you to move forward without her. It is for you to better yourself and place yourself in a position of strength that if she wants to come back, you can be strong enough to say no thank you.


I know it sucks but you just have to accept that it is over and that there is someone out there for you but its not your X. Let her discover who she is and you can discover a new person that will make you happier than before. And.. you are probably going to get this piece of advice.. Stop talking to her. Box up her stuff and have a friend come pick it up. Don't hold on to them because every time you look at it, its going to make you depressed.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sounds like she wants to see if you are still on the hook. This is not nice and it sounds like she is reaching out for her ego. Friends don't do this.


You need to cut this off. Stop responding. And, in the future, expect more from a relationship, unless you are cool with sharing your gf with the town.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I'm sure she misses you in her own way. She may miss parts of the relationship also but it won't necessarily mean she'll be a good partner again.


Things seemed to take a nosedive after the relationship became open to other relationships (regardless of gender). She didn't hold up her end of the deal. You realize this, right? She wanted to introduce her seeing others while simultaneously dating you but she couldn't sustain the multiple relationships. People go through different phases of experimentation and she's allowed to do that. It's her life. Unfortunately you both didn't foresee that the collateral in all that experimentation would be your friendship or relationship.


Whether she misses you, again, doesn't mean that you two should be together. They're mutually exclusive - one may not lead to the other, unfortunately.


I don't see anything wrong with just meeting with her and being friendly but if you're twisted and contorted, in a lot of pain and still have a lot of feelings for her this may hurt you and prolong your healing. You do deserve to find what makes you happy. I think you should be more honest about that "happy" may look like. Maybe go back to the drawing board and ask yourself whether it's this scenario or whether it's more of a committed (monogamous) relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You're going to get hurt all over again.


She sounds rather immature and not really ready for a commitment of any kind. That's fair enough, as you both sound young, but it's also driving her behaviour now. Being friends again is not likely to bring much good to you, since you still have feelings for her and it will hurt like hell when she continues to date other people. It would also prevent you from meeting other girls who can offer the sort of relationship you're looking for.

Link to comment
Share on other sites


This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

  • Create New...