Jump to content

I don’t know what to do


Leahjade
 Share

Recommended Posts

So I’ve been with my partner for almost 3 years and we’ve had our ups and downs like any other couple. He’s raised my son since he was 3 months old and I cannot thank him enough for this but lately since we’ve decided to give everything one last shot it feels like he’s just abandoned everything.

 

I’ve pulled him aside on how I feel many times and it feels like he just doesn’t care anymore. He’s always saying we argue although we don’t and he’s always blaming me for things I haven’t even done or even know about.

 

Another thing that brings me down is that it feels like he doesn’t want to make the effort anymore and spend time with me or even “his” son. It feels like I am being brought down every single day and it’s starting to really upset me. He will spend every single bit of time he has with his mate yet when it comes to seeing me or his “son” he will say he’s busy.

 

I’m at a point where I feel like I’m going crazy and I don’t know what to do. I’ve put everything on the line and done everything I possibly can to make sure he’s happy but all I get in return is him having a go at me.

 

How do I get him to realise that there is no effort anymore and that his priority’s should be with me and “his” son? I’m struggling so much

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Where is the child's father. You have lost your focus on the relationship and tried to force fit him into a stepfather role. Your child has a father.

 

You started dating him when your child was 3 mos old? It sounds like you never had much couple time and tried to dive right into being a "family" without much dating or romance.

Edited by Wiseman2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

How do I get him to realise that there is no effort anymore and that his priority’s should be with me and “his” son? I’m struggling so much

 

You can't make him realize this if he just doesn't feel the same way anymore, unfortunately. It sounds like he isn't interested in trying any longer and doesn't know how to tell you it's over.

 

What's the history between you two? You mentioned this is giving it one last shot, which suggests things have been rocky. Have there been near-breakups before?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He’s not in his life due to other reasons and no I’ve not once forced him into a stepfather role, he’s taken it upon himself to look after him like his own and I’ve never told him he had to do that. Me and him have still had time to ourselves and have had couple time over the years. Like I said before he made every decision in regards to being a “family”

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you live together? How old is he? Unfortunately he has zero obligation to your child . The child is your and the father's responsibility

 

For example it's your responsibility to secure child support on behalf of your son. It's your responsibility to take care of him.

 

How did it come about that you were dating 3 MOS after giving birth?

 

How do I get him to realise that there is no effort anymore and that his priority’s should be with me and “his” son? I’m struggling so much

Edited by Wiseman2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

OP, he is picking fights, claiming you are fighting, spending time away from you and otherwise being nasty to you because he wants out of the relationship. Except that he is a coward who would rather drive you crazy and hurt you to the point where you finally do the breaking up for him, rather than be decent and just end the relationship. He is tormenting you intentionally and he knows what he is doing and what his end goal is.

 

The only question is how long do you want to drag this out keeping in mind that he'll only make it increasingly more painful for you. Just end this already and stop the torment. Keep in mind that your child is witnessing this bs as well. This guy needs to be gone yesterday. Yes, he helped you and now he is being cruel. Whatever he did in the past, doesn't make up for the cruelty now. Kick him out because ultimately that's what he is seeking. He just wants to tell everyone that he is a "good guy" and you dumped him.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

He’s not in his life due to other reasons and no I’ve not once forced him into a stepfather role, he’s taken it upon himself to look after him like his own and I’ve never told him he had to do that. Me and him have still had time to ourselves and have had couple time over the years. Like I said before he made every decision in regards to being a “family”

 

Did he adopt your son? If not then it is not his son and he can bow out at any time - you are the mother and took this risk. I'm sorry it's not working out.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Communication is the key to any good and successful relationship. Have an honest discussion about your feelings, concerns ,needs and his as well. Make sure you do it when your calm and coming from a loving frame of mind. Think about it and write down the things you want to say. I will be praying for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Honestly, this sounds all too familiar. Unfortunately, more than one relationship of mine has sounded this way. I actually think it’s me. I read this book called the “surrendered wife” by Laura Doyle (forgive me if the title is wrong) because I was struggling AGAIN with someone new. I am a very insecure person (due to a variety of things that happened to me in my past reltionships) and this book made a lot of sense. If you’re trying to save your relationship, it may be worth a shot. Some of it seems IMPOSSIBLE TO DO. Like, giving compliments to your other half even though you’d love to tell them to pick up their FREAKING dishes Lololol. A lot of people disagree with the book, because they say you shouldn’t just cave into a guy and let them be s to you, but I tried some of the methods and they were helpful and I was shocked they had worked.

If you are looking to end your relationship, then do so. But if you’re not, I think with effort on your side to just take care of you and just pretend that he’s not bothering you much when he’s out and you’re just minding your own business, doing your own thing... he may be like “wait a minute...” 🤷🏻♀️

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

  • Top Discussions this Week

  • Our picks

    • 3 Simple Strategies To Ditch The Imposter Syndrome
      Have you ever felt like you're a fraud who doesn't belong? According to a recent article published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, seven in every ten people have or will experience impostor syndrome at some point in their lives. We couldn't see our tribe suffering from this anymore, so we brought in the person who'll help you ditch this feeling for good. In this video, peak performance expert Shadé Zahrai joins Vishen to discuss how to supercharge your life and improve your self-esteem by constructing your own reality, leveraging your self-awareness, and regaining control over your inner critic

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Things People Who’ve Been Mentally Abused Do
      Do you know how common mental abuse is? According to The National Center for Biotechnology Information, 80 percent of the population has experienced some form of abusive relationship and behavior. However, despite how frequent it is, emotional abuse is still hard to spot. Unlike physical abuse, mental abuse doesn’t leave any visible scars; instead, it affects someone’s behavior, mindset, and mentality. This means some people deny they’ve been mentally abused, and others may not even recognize the toxic behavior. So, whether you’re reading this to be able to recognize emotional abuse in others or recognize it in yourself, these a few things people who’ve been mentally abused do are sure to help you be more empathetic and kinder.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 5 Polarity Secrets to Attracting Love that Makes you Magnetic AF
      In this video, I'm going to show you the 5 most powerful ways to create polarity in order to attract love. Think of it like a magnet. If you have a magnet, it is going to attract, but also repel based on its polarity. If you have a positive and a positive and you put them together, guess what's gonna happen? They're going to repel each other. Same with a negative and negative. But when you have a positive and a negative, they clink right like this. The key to attracting love is embodying your own sense of polarity, which really is the authenticity of who you really are, letting go of what you are not so that you can attract love easier than ever. These are things that completely transformed my own life.

       
      • 0 replies
    • 10 Signs You Are Fake Happy
      Are you happy, or are you putting on a fake smile? Fake happiness can be hard to detect, but if you know the signs you can spot it.

       
      • 0 replies
    • Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      Do You Gaslight Yourself?
      • 0 replies
×
×
  • Create New...