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I don't think she knows what she wants


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Hello. I've been talking to this girl for 4 months now, it's hard for me to call it dating but it probably is? First off, it's just an online thing for now. I met her in a game and we really like each other it seems.

I am someone that falls in love fast and hard, so things got intimate and personal quickly. She told me that she was falling for me too fairly early on so everything's cool right? Turns out it's not. As things start to get more serious doubts begin to appear in her mind, how I am not the right guy for her or how things are going too fast.

I didn't take that very lightly and wanted to stop speaking to her but I did not manage to do that very long and after about a week or so we are talking to each other again.

Honestly, there have been some red flags here and there. It often seemed like she only liked me when it suits her(?) and you know how it is when you're in love, you want to spend every waking moment with that person? Yeah I did not really get that from her. Or am I just weird in that sense?

I suppose it had to do with how the doubts kept holding her back... I am not sure. One day we would spend all day together, even going to bed at the same time so we can wake up together, another she would not want to spend time with me at all or it would feel like she "forces" herself to. I don't really know. Maybe I just like her a lot more than she likes me? But there are times when it feels like she truly wants me. Like now.


One thing I should mention is that she has an ex that she didn't seem to be fully over yet, as of 4 months ago, I do not know if she feels any different about it now or if it actually had to do with us not working out.

The problem here is: We start being very flirty and intimate after our "breakup", there are no doubts in her mind at this point. As things get serious, the doubts start to appear again. We stop talking again. And it begins anew.

This has happened about 4 times now but by now we have figured out that just trying the same thing over and over again isn't exactly working out for us, it's clear there is something holding her back.

Again, all online. We haven't seen each other IRL (yet).


I don't think she has any bad intentions but it's clear something is wrong. Thing is, what? And what do we do to fix this? I am trying to keep my distance for now but it's clear we both can't seem to keep our hands to ourselves, so to speak.


What should I do?

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It's not dating if you've never been on a date or met in person, no.


It's an online friend. But it's not a relationship, OP. You have no idea if you would be compatible or attracted to each other in person, and spending all day "together" online is tedious. Real life wins out and it seems she's tired of the cyber thing.


I think you are best to let go. She's already losing interest and you two haven't even met. This won't end well for you, my friend.

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This isn't the real thing. Every time you call this a relationship or dating you're lying to yourself. I agree with MissCanuck. She's lost interest and maybe sees you're not able to tell fact from fiction and that's why she's pulling away.


She already told you that she's not interested in more than one way: you are not the right guy for her and things are going too fast.


Unless you want to be slapped with a stalker sticker or banned/blocked from the game you two meet up at, don't keep pursuing her. Take the hint - she doesn't want to continue whatever this is. If she's sending you confusing messages, steer clear. Get to know local people in person.

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Yer a smart guy, you know what's going on...she's just enjoying the attention that's all. This ain't no love story, this is flirty penpal action. You know you were wasting your time from the get go....stop fantasizing/investing. Gotta let go.

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Dude....relationships, dating, intimacy, love only happen in real life, face to face.


What you have here is a cyber fantasy. Sure it might have all the heady emotions attached to it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's no different than your gaming. You are both just avatars on a screen pretending. So in a way, you are absolutely correct - this is nothing more than convenient entertainment for her when she feels like it and there is nothing wrong with that. She is actually being quite normal. What's not normal is you taking this too seriously and getting way too emotionally invested for real.


Now I'm not saying that people who are into gaming don't make friends or even start dating those they "met" gaming. Some eve get married. The thing is, OP, those who do that take if offline and into the real world, face to face. In other words, they stop the fantasy and live in the real world. If you or her can't or aren't willing to take this to real life, face to face, then this is a dead end you are wasting your time and emotions on.

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