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Congrats!

This is her 2nd stint, she got out the first time and immediately went into quarantine, even after being shut out from attending Meetings in person she made it 120 days before relapse. I was really proud of her for that.

 

She has been in for 15 days. Seems to be on a roller coster right now sometimes we have good talks and sometimes it seems like she hates me.

 

Any tips to help her in her recovery?

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She doesn't hate you, she will just be finding the experience challenging and feeling frustrated.

The best advice I can give to her is to openly discuss any cravings she has and work with a counsellor to address the reasons why she drinks.

I attend AA and have been in and out a couple of times. Have went back and am now starting the steps.

How I resist the booze is by thinking what is at stake if I do and finally accepting i can't 'just have one'.

I think Robin Williams described addiction best when he referred to it as 'the sleeping beast'. It likes to give you a nudge from time to time to get you to wake him up.

Alcohol was always my stress reliever and i have been tempted lately as some people have pissed me off but i just keep asking myself 'are the b*stards worth it? No they are not. No one or nothing (especially a bottle) is worth dying for.

I think of it as i am allergic to alcohol and ask if i were allergic to peanuts would i eat one? No certainly not.

Lastly (you will be relieved lol), remind her that when you get in a relationship with alcohol or other drugs, it is taker not a giver. It will take everything from you but not give you anything.

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That is great thinking on your part!

 

She uses alcohol to self medicate. I blame myself a lot. I keep going through my head saying if I would have only done this more or I could have done this better.....

 

I know it's going to be an ongoing battle for a long time, but I refuse to give up on her.

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You said she uses alcohol to self medicate?

 

Is it perhaps she has an undiagnosed mental illness? Some people with mental health issues instead of getting treatment for it turn to alcohol or drugs. If she got treatment for her mental health and got on the right medication she wouldn’t turn to alcohol.

 

Just a thought.

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Long term membership in Alcoholics Anonymous has been found to reform pathological narcissism, and those who are sober but retain characteristics associated with addiction are known in AA as dry drunks.

 

The term is used by Alcoholics Anonymous in relation to feelings of anger, depression and resentment.

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Any particular reason she cites this? Was the rehab voluntary or court ordered? All you can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Get your ducks in a row legally and suggest marriage counselling.

together for 5vyears, married for 1 as of June 29th, 2020.

1st time this has been said.

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Here goes, OP. Prepare yourself.

 

"6 characteristics and/or dispositions of the "dry drunk" that can hit the recovering alcoholic hard in the honest light of sobriety in addition to putting added strain and pressure on the relationship.

 

Keep in mind that your loved one may not know how to handle these realizations, and consequently may use you as a punching bag for their frustration and discontent.

 

1) Resentment at a spouse, parent or whoever has "made them" stop drinking.

2) Annoyed and frustrated with the realization that they can't drink as do most people, ever again.

3) Realizing that because of their drinking, they may have unrealized goals, dreams and potential.

4) Having to accept and take responsibility for the wasted years due to drinking, without an excuse or justification.

5) Anxious about venturing out or challenging themselves for fear of failure. The alcoholic may not have had any normal life experience with failure and success, which in turn would make them stronger and wiser. Instead those years were devoid of dealing with life on life's terms due to the alcoholic addiction.

6) Jealous of others for their stick-to-itiveness, perseverance and strength. Resenting the family member or friend for their dreams and punishing them by not being supportive, questioning their ability and striving to clip their wings of creativity."

 

From an article by Carole Bennett

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Did she always drink heavily? Do you drink? Many sobriety programs suggest getting away from drinking situations and people. Even if it's divorcing. How old is she? Is this her first detox/rehab? People drink because they are alcoholics, so your theory makes no sense.

Voluntary rehab. I feel like she is angry at me or blames me for the reason she drinks. Nothing cited in stone about why, just said we're getting divorced when she gets home.
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This problem seemingly came out of nowhere I mean the heavy drinking started about a year ago. I am a social drinker, but could easily cut that out. This is her 2nd time to voluntary rehab in 6 months.

The first time she got out and went straight into quarantine with no AA or outpatient being available to attend in person, even with that stacked against her she made it 120 days sober, before her latest relapse.

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Sorry to say but divorcing may be a good idea considering the legal and financial consequences of being with a relapsing alcoholic.

This problem seemingly came out of nowhere I mean the heavy drinking started about a year ago.This is her 2nd time to voluntary rehab in 6 months.
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