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Lockdown time apart has changed my feelings


RKO
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  • 1 month later...

Things got a bit better here as cases dropped, we had a pretty decent summer as restrictions were lifted and not much covid about

 

Unfortunately her anxiety carried on, almost to a weekly point she would have quiet periods and just be off with me for no reason, she said she should have "come with a warning"

 

She hasn't been working all summer, signed off because of it, she has no intention to go back, her family think she should be assessed for bi polar because of her mood swings (not an expert but don't think she has it)

 

I tried to work through it, but I realise as much as I care for her I don't see myself marrying her, I'm like on egg shells not knowing what character I'm getting day to day. We had a great Saturday and woke up together on the Sunday and she was off with me all day, then Sunday evening top of the world.

 

Back to covid, unfortunately it's back with a vengence here now, I actually had to get tested last week (negative) after being quite rough with symptoms. Her family are continuing to mingle together (they all work in schools, so are picking up all sorts) and that is a huge worry for me.

 

I know I have to end this, but I am being a huge coward I know, it's going to break her heart, obviously I will be upset too but it's just so hard.

 

I don't know how to even start this

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Could part of her anxiety be the fact that she senses you are not all in?

 

Sorry about all this.

 

I'm curious if reinvent's words above, written over the summer, resonate at all. Not saying you are the cause of the anxiety, but just that people often can sense when a partner is ambivalent, questioning things, not fully "in." Some can handle that better than others, some are more confrontational than others, and some—many?—can spin out into an anxious state, particularly if they're already vulnerable on the mental health front.

 

There is never a good time or, really, a good way to end things. But if you know this is your truth? Withholding it from her is cruel. And if you're not totally certain? I think you owe it to her, and yourself, to be brave enough to find a way to talk about that with her.

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There is never a good time. I think her sense you are distancing from her makes her anxiety that much worse. Try to do no back story "I'm sorry. This is not working out for me. I think we should separate." The end - cut the cord - if you need to divide stuff up or you promised to connect her with mental health resources do that with as little direct contact as possible.

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Possibly but I'd say majority are not, this has been an issue going back her whole life before she met me (she has since told me this) she worries her friends don't like her, panic attacks over little things, but yes maybe she does sense it, who knows

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You've already checked out. Time to end it. This is no laughing matter for anyone involved and it's not a game - don't treat it like a game as if the next round will be a roll of the dice that's more in your favour and you'll land on a square more suited to you. You are so unhappy with her. For this level of dissonance and sadness and unhappiness, I don't see how anyone would be consistently happy around you too. I agree with Batya's point that she's 100% sensing it.

 

Don't keep up this charade for yourself. You deserve to be happy also.

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Possibly but I'd say majority are not, this has been an issue going back her whole life before she met me (she has since told me this) she worries her friends don't like her, panic attacks over little things, but yes maybe she does sense it, who knows

 

But you were ok with that till recently.

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  • 1 month later...

2 months on from this I have finally ended this this week. I did try to fight it and make it work but the virus along with "something" missing in the feelings department made it difficult.

 

I've been on the end of many breakups and know the feeling all to well of being the dumpee but only once the dumper.

 

I feel awful causing upset, partly the reason it's been drawn out, she took it ok on the surface but i know she will be hurting so much and says she's "heartbroken"

 

Any advice how I'm to act here? It sucks

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2 months on from this I have finally ended this this week. I did try to fight it and make it work but the virus along with "something" missing in the feelings department made it difficult.

 

I've been on the end of many breakups and know the feeling all to well of being the dumpee but only once the dumper.

 

I feel awful causing upset, partly the reason it's been drawn out, she took it ok on the surface but i know she will be hurting so much and says she's "heartbroken"

 

Any advice how I'm to act here? It sucks

 

Leave her alone and silence the voice in your head that says that you have to be there for her -that's your guilt talking -so ignore it. She's an adult, let her get her support from anyone except you. I'm not sure what you mean by "fight" - so she might be feeling resentment since maybe you were just trying to fight against your own feelings and be someone you were not in the relationship. Nothing to do with her so she might feel a bit blindsided. Yes, she may feel heartbroken -that's normal - as you know - just leave her be. Do not contact her and practice humility which means no, she doesn't "need" you, no she won't feel better because the one she still loves contacts her and shows her that he still "cares" -just leave her to live her life. I hope you feel better soon -I know it's disappointing when relationships don't work out.

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Leave her alone and silence the voice in your head that says that you have to be there for her -that's your guilt talking -so ignore it. She's an adult, let her get her support from anyone except you. I'm not sure what you mean by "fight" - so she might be feeling resentment since maybe you were just trying to fight against your own feelings and be someone you were not in the relationship. Nothing to do with her so she might feel a bit blindsided. Yes, she may feel heartbroken -that's normal - as you know - just leave her be. Do not contact her and practice humility which means no, she doesn't "need" you, no she won't feel better because the one she still loves contacts her and shows her that he still "cares" -just leave her to live her life. I hope you feel better soon -I know it's disappointing when relationships don't work out.
exactly. the kindest thing is the seemingly cruelest thing. leave her alone and be strong when she tries to reach out. don't be rude but its over. you have to go life your life. she has to go live her life.

 

you cannot heal her. you will only muddy up the water.

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Thanks for the advice.

 

I'm really getting a lot of passive aggressiveness from her now and it's way below the belt.

 

She has since blocked me on twitter but I have been told shes tweeting things such as "snake" , "how I considerate can one man be, wow" , "being sneaky behind someone's back is the worst"

 

Now I could be wrong and not aimed at me but it looks like it is and my friends have even asked if I have played away, couldn't be further from the truth, not spoke to any other woman or met any since her.

 

Should I message her and call her out? Just feel like people will start to think Ive been cheating or something in this relationship. I find it very childish

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Yikes! I'm sure this confirms your decision was the right one. Dodged a bullet. Block and delete her from all social media and messaging apps. Don't take the bait.

She has since blocked me on twitter but I have been told shes tweeting things such as "snake" , "how I considerate can one man be, wow" , "being sneaky behind someone's back is the worst"
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Getting defensive or overworked is just a waste of energy. Spend it on better things. How people behave is not part of your story. You can stick up for yourself by living your life sweetly and wonderfully, according to what makes you happy. If this is part of the past, let it go.

 

Don't worry about your friends. They'll calm down when they see you're ok.

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Yes I've left if be, i hate the idea of people thinking I have cheated/treated her bad but I'm hoping those that know me will know I wouldn't do anything of the sort.

 

I wouldn't say my friends have come running, they are just looking out for me and gave the same advice - leave it be and bite my tongue.

 

Definitely does make me realise I've done the right thing.

 

Also noticed she's posted some pretty revealing pictures and is enjoying the comments on her picture, something I predicted would happen, of course this doesn't bother me thankfully and just reaffirms what I've done is right

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Try not to let her social media musings and nastiness get to you .

I'm really getting a lot of passive aggressiveness from her now and it's way below the belt.

 

She has since blocked me on twitter but I have been told shes tweeting things such as "snake" , "how I considerate can one man be, wow" , "being sneaky behind someone's back is the worst"

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