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Looking for a job AND trying for a baby...should I even bother?


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My husband and I recently moved back to the US. We are ready to start a family and the plan is for me to stay at home with the baby once that happens (not forever but longer than the American 12 unpaid weeks).

I am currently agonizing over looking for a job. On the one hand, it could take a while for me to get pregnant and on the other, if it happens soon then I won’t even be at my job a year before I have to leave it. I know people are often at jobs for a year or less but I feel bad knowingly doing it.

I was previously a teacher (while living in the US) but was very stressed out in that position and I’m afraid it would take its toll on me again.

My husband and I are not rich but we are fortunate enough that we will be able to provide for our family on one salary when the time comes. However I do not just want to putter around the house waiting for a baby to come.

So I guess my question is mostly, what would you do? Put of baby until you had a steady job. Put of the job knowing baby is coming in a year or so? Or just do both and say screw it and deal with the consequences later.

I do realize how fortunate I am to even have this option but I think we have to acknowledge that it is hard for women to be put in this option of worrying about advancing in a career or having a family. I’m in my early 30s for reference

 

Thanks for your thoughts!

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How about a temp job? I don't mean temping as with an agency reporting to a different workplace every couple of days. I mean a short term, contract-type job.

 

I am looking at jobs and I saw some that were for 3-4 months. They pay fairly well too.

 

Does your husband's job provide medical insurance?

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I would do what’s good for you companies do it all the time. I got a new job the same month I got pregnant although I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time and had to go on sick leave 6 months later. ( this was 23 years ago ) I wouldn’t worry about it.

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Not to be an ass, but once you've written up a CV, it's pretty much just putting in a minimal effort to research companies and tailor a cover letter. Put in an honest few hours and you'll have submitted dozens of applications. If you're half as eager as you come off, you should be able to get it done and be satisfied with your effort. The unemployment rate here is obscenely high for obvious reasons, so I'd keep your expectations grounded, but insofar as you simply wanna work until you've popped out a kid, your family planing is no company's business. Don't overshare.

Apply and interview as you normally would. Quit when you gotta.

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Not to be an ass, but once you've written up a CV, it's pretty much just putting in a minimal effort to research companies and tailor a cover letter. Put in an honest few hours and you'll have submitted dozens of applications. If you're half as eager as you come off, you should be able to get it done and be satisfied with your effort. The unemployment rate here is obscenely high for obvious reasons, so I'd keep your expectations grounded, but insofar as you simply wanna work until you've popped out a kid, your family planing is no company's business. Don't overshare.

Apply and interview as you normally would. Quit when you gotta.

 

 

Actually, i know a few people that are faced with folding their businesses because they can't find anyone to work -- a bakery that is only staffed by a husband and wife -- no one will come back to work because they are getting the extra $600, and i do not know them personally but friends of a client are folding up their construction business. Heck, I can't find good help. But I agree with seeing what's out there -- and getting out there in the work force. You have no idea how long it would be before a baby comes along. There are people that struggle to get pregnant and in the meantime, you could be at a company a full year or three before a baby is born.

 

If she is fortunate and they can live on her husband's salary - not extravagantly- but can squeak by -- she should save 3/4 into a savings account so she can leave the workforce for as long as she wants when a baby comes.

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Do you have any other options for child care? Family relatives? Is it just your husband and you there?

 

I'm not sure if this may be something you're interested in but here's another alternative:

 

You have a teaching background. Start exploring new programs to teach part time. Maybe you're into languages or a specific subject. Are you opposed to tutoring part time? Look into private colleges or summer programs where you can teach or set up a curriculum for part time of the year. Community centers have learning programs too. Advance your certifications while trying for a baby. Don't go into a full time job if you're not feeling comfortable with the idea. This is really ultimately your life and your choice. Find a somewhere inbetween that works for you.

 

Take a look at your current certs and start revising and updating. Look around at the schools or licencing or certification programs for continued learning.

 

Most hands-on programs require some kind of internship or practicum. Cross one bridge at a time. You shouldn't be putting your career on hold completely either because life can be unexpected and you may find yourself needing to rely on a second income or supporting yourself and your children. Start thinking creatively about what you can do for yourself even though you're devoted to starting a family.

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Work until you give birth and take it from there. Even part-time work is better than stewing around the house. If your former position was too stressful, work at something else since you don't need the money.

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In my area, tutors make up to forty dollars per hour. You can also be a substitute teacher. Both easy to depart from, and the tutoring you might even be able to swing with a baby if your husband can watch your child a few evenings a week since it's the norm to hold tutoring sessions between 6-8 p.m. in after school hours.

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Here's my story. We started trying for a baby in March of that year. We were older so it took longer and we were long distance. About a year after we started trying I got a call to interview for a dream job (yes I was working, no it never occurred to me to leave my job or stay at my job just because we were trying to conceive). I went on two interviews. Went great. Second interview I actually might have been pregnant but had no clue I was. The company told me they'd changed their mind about filling the position as they were going to let the person in that position telecommute. When I was in my 15th week of pregnancy the recruiter called - so, about three months later. The telecommuting did not work out. They wanted to meet me one more time but I was basically on their very short list. I told her no. I knew I'd likely stay home longer than maternity leave and found it unfair -even though i was barely showing- to be hired and have them invest time training me only to have me potentially leave. So I passed up the dream job.

 

I advise the same for you. If you are pregnant I wouldn't interview. If you are not interview because you never know when you'll get pregnant or if the pregnancy will stick (although hopefully it will!!).

 

Good luck!

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Tutoring is $50 to $100/hr by me in the US. Try that. Less stress! Also, could take one month to a year in your 30's. Then 9 months to actually grow the kid. Just get a job. Granted, with the pandemic still prevalent in the US, you may or may not be able to find something. The Cares Act bonus runs out end of July. Apply to something you like. And then when it's time to push, you go. Speaking as a business owner, it happens. One girl who just had a kid six months ago, took 6 months of a combo of family leave and disability. And while we offered for her to work at home, she declined. She recently tried to claim unemployment, but I'm sure will be denied - abandoning an opportunity to work at home supercedes any COVID Cares Act condition. You have to be willing and ready to work to collect unemployment. And even then, an employee having kids is none of my business.

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Hi there,

 

I understand why this would be worrying you; it's hard to commit to either direction right now. I think think those who are suggesting alternate employment/contracting/tutoring might be onto something. Does that type of work appeal to you? It may be a good compromise between your options for now. I don't know if you like ESL, but there's also plenty of jobs for online ESL teachers as well.

 

Hope you're able to sort this all out, God bless.

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  • 1 month later...

Late to the party.

 

We are ready to start a family and the plan is for me to stay at home with the baby once that happens (not forever but longer than the American 12 unpaid weeks).

Just a BIG WARNING because this happened to me.

 

To qualify for the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA), you MUST be employed for about a year AND have worked at least 1280 hours within the year. I missed the hours requirement and that is how I got massively screwed.

 

3 months into a new job, I got pregnant. Unfortunately I had pregnancy complications that put me out of work for a month and a half. Because I was out of work - puking my guts out 8-10x a day due to a condition called HG, and being hospitalized numerous times for it - I did not make 1280 hour requirement therefore DID NOT qualify for FMLA. I was told by my work that I must return as soon as I am medically cleared... but they could not guarantee my job back.

 

I ended up returning back to work 4 F’ing weeks after my delivery. I had to LIE to my doctor to get cleared to return back to work or I would lose my job. I was NOT ok and suffered Postpartum Depression. I nearly took my own life because of all the BS and stress I was dealing at both home and at work. I am very level headed, but I snapped and had to be evaluated (I am ok now thanks to the supports I received).

 

 

Whatever you do, please wait and eggy establish by working under a company for a year BEFORE getting pregnant. You have no way of knowing OR planning how your pregnancy will turn out once you are pregnant. I had everything planned to the T’s until the medical issues sabotaged my plans (I even had to cancel my BabyMoon trip because I could not stop puking until after I had my baby). Some women have it easier than others, and I won the lottery of having the lousiest. Welcome to America, where they F you over maternity leave. It’s ridiculous.

Edited by Snny
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