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How do I move on from a horrific first love?


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My first love was incredibly toxic and hurtful. We dated for 7 months, and he ended it about a month and a half ago. He said he couldn’t do it anymore and he didn’t love me anymore because I made him miserable etc. We were both awful and got worse rather than better clearly. I knew we had to break up but he wanted no contact for as long as he needed to heal. He promised he would reach out one day and be friends one day. But I broke no contact several times and his reaction went from I miss you too to I’m starting to hate you/stop it to no response and just blocking me. I’m not sure what to feel or do. He never said to leave him alone forever or that he would never speak to me. Will I ever talk to him again? I know it’s awfully pathetic to still want to speak to him one day. But it’s so hard to let go of him. How can he be so cruel when I’m in so much pain? I know it is selfish of me to contact him but does he really not care at all? Will he ever forgive me harassing him?

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Please respect his wishes. It's rude, plus continuing to get rejected by him will only make you feel worse.

 

When you're tempted to contact him, contact a friend or family member instead. Better yet, remove his contact info from your phone, laptop, etc. Or, save his contact info in your phone under NO DON'T.

 

Stop hurting yourself. Be kind to yourself.

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Yeah I know it’s horrible and awful of me to have contacted him so much. I can’t imagine how annoying and suffocating it must be. I guess when I have the urge to contact him I just become very frantic and desperate so I don’t think about it. But will he ever be able to forgive that I harassed him?? Do you think he will keep his promise?? I memorized his socials unfortunately. I wish I had told him before he got very mad that he should change the name of his social media and change his number or something... I’m so ashamed and regretful.

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He shouldn't have to change anything. You have complete and total control over your actions.

 

I can guarantee if you continue to harass him he will not want to hear from you in the future or probably ever.

 

Please get ahold of yourself and stop contacting him. As I suggested, put his contact info into your phone as NO DON'T. Contact a friend every time you are tempted to contact him.

 

And please...be kind to yourself. Right now he's not hurting you...YOU are.

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Sorry to hear this, breakups suck. However 7 mos is a good time to cut your losses. Stop contacting him since he told you in writing to stop. He could take this to the police as evidence of harassment, stalking, etc.. And yes that happens. Don't ruin your life over a 28 wk romance that didn't pan out.

 

Best thing for you? Delete and block him and all his people from ALL your devices, All your social media, All your messaging apps and ALL your contact lists. Talk to a trusted adult about this. Ask them to take you to a doctor/therapist to help you with obsessive, self-defeating thoughts and feelings and behaviors.

I broke no contact several times and his reaction went from I miss you too to I’m starting to hate you/stop it to no response and just blocking me.
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Yes of course he shouldn’t have to change anything but I have really very little self control. I don’t know why I’m so immature and why I lack self respect/control but I have broken no contact so many times. If I stop harassing him now, will he ever contact me?? The last time I contacted him, I was asking if he changed his mind and that I would accept it if he had, but he didn’t even respond. Why couldn’t he just tell me that he never wanted to speak again if he meant it? I have tried all those methods to not contact him. 90% of the time I don’t want to contact him, but at critical times of emotion I just can’t seem to stop myself. Im trying all sorts of self help and restricting phone use so I don’t contact him. Thank you for being patient with me by the way, I’m sure I seem like an immature child. :(

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I know he could take it as evidence for harassment and stalking and get a restraining order and all. He never told me to stop contacting him the last time. He’s never even said “leave me alone”. Only stop contacting me. Why can’t he say that I have to leave him alone forever if he means that?? I did block him and delete stuff but when I become frantic I can easily find his accounts again and stuff. I can’t afford a therapist. :( I would really love to have one.

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Go to a doctor MD. Start there. Get a complete evaluation physically and a referral to a therapist. Stop mincing words. You already know you have a problem with harassing him. If you can't afford a therapist, then you can't afford to be arrested. Tell a trusted adult what is going on. You have no right to harass someone because "you have no self control". That is a cop out.

I know he could take it as evidence for harassment and stalking and get a restraining order and all. I can’t afford a therapist.
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Go to a doctor MD. Start there. Get a complete evaluation physically and a referral to a therapist. Stop mincing words. You already know you have a problem with harassing him.

Yeah you’re right. I keep holding onto words and over analyzing everything hoping to find something that means he doesn’t hate me. If I get help and stop harassing him, do you think he will ever reach out like he promised to? I can’t afford therapy, my insurance doesn’t cover it and it costs hundreds per hour where I live. I have tried free sites but they have time limits for speaking and only once per day. I have been trying to be strict with myself and helping myself through Stoicism and Buddhism. I’m usually fine and want to move on, when I’m emotional I just can’t seem to get a hold of myself. I’m sorry I’m repeating myself. Your advice is very helpful of course. I just don’t have access to therapy. I don’t think I have any right to contact him ._. I know it’s wrong of me.

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Stop contacting me means leave me alone. Don’t want to end up in jail? Stop. Many fish in the sea.

 

That’s very harsh but I guess I deserve that. Why couldn’t he just say to leave him alone forever... I feel like I’m struggling to let go of any hope that he will keep his promise because he hasn’t said he won’t.

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That’s very harsh but I guess I deserve that. Why couldn’t he just say to leave him alone forever... I feel like I’m struggling to let go of any hope that he will keep his promise because he hasn’t said he won’t.

 

As someone who has been stalked and harassed being the one it is done to is worse. Please stop. It is abuse.

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He did too tell you to leave him alone:

"his reaction went from I miss you too to I’m starting to hate you/stop it to no response and just blocking me."

 

Generally when someone blocks you it's because they don't want to hear from you.

 

You can too help yourself, you're choosing not to.

 

Next time you start thinking it's an excellent idea to try to contact him, contact a friend or family member instead. Let them know ahead of time you're struggling and will be asking for help. People who care about you will be happy to help.

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As someone who has been stalked and harassed being the one it is done to is worse. Please stop. It is abuse.

 

I’m sorry. I know I’m awful and selfish. I really do want to stop. I know I have to. I guess I never thought he would resent me so much. So even if I stop now and move on, he will never reach out like he promised to, right? He emotionally abused me during the relationship. Do you think my attachment could be because of a trauma bond? I’m sorry if that’s insensitive to ask. I just don’t understand why I’m so obsessed when I know he was bad for me. Do you think I’m crazy or a psycho??

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Yeah you’re right. I guess I mean does he mean leave me alone forever or ?? But I’m just being delusional at this point. I just can’t believe he never wants to speak to me again. Thank you for being kind even though I am not a good person. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this. A large reason why I’m so obsessed is because I was way too dependent on him for companionship. I’m just hurting myself and making myself relive the breakup/rejection. I guess it’s because being rejected is better than nothing.

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I’m sorry. I know I’m awful and selfish. I really do want to stop. I know I have to. I guess I never thought he would resent me so much. So even if I stop now and move on, he will never reach out like he promised to, right? He emotionally abused me during the relationship. Do you think my attachment could be because of a trauma bond? I’m sorry if that’s insensitive to ask. I just don’t understand why I’m so obsessed when I know he was bad for me. Do you think I’m crazy or a psycho??

I think you need some help distinguish what is healthy and what is toxic. Start with your doctor and ask for counselling services. Not all relationships are meant to last whether romantic or friendships or whatever. Two highly toxic people should never be together. Getting in touch again is a BAD idea.

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Then why are you chasing him? There is no free therapy here or professional diagnoses. You need to see a doctor, a physician, an MD. You have insurance for that. It starts with helping yourself. Reading mystical nonsense on the internet is not the answer to obsessions.

He emotionally abused me during the relationship.
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Yeah you’re right. I guess I mean does he mean leave me alone forever or ?? But I’m just being delusional at this point. I just can’t believe he never wants to speak to me again. Thank you for being kind even though I am not a good person. I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this. A large reason why I’m so obsessed is because I was way too dependent on him for companionship. I’m just hurting myself and making myself relive the breakup/rejection. I guess it’s because being rejected is better than nothing.

 

Leave him alone forever.

 

Contacting him when he doesn't respond hurts, doesn't it? So why keep trying?

 

If you knew eating shrimp made you horribly sick would you go the store to buy shrimp, cook it and eat it? Or would you avoid it?

 

Do you have a sister, cousin, or maybe your mom, your aunt, a friend you can contact when you start thinking it's a great idea to contact him again?

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That’s very harsh but I guess I deserve that. Why couldn’t he just say to leave him alone forever... I feel like I’m struggling to let go of any hope that he will keep his promise because he hasn’t said he won’t.

 

It is actually not harsh it is just not what you want to hear.

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As someone who has been stalked and harassed being the one it is done to is worse. Please stop. It is abuse.

 

I think you need some help distinguish what is healthy and what is toxic. Start with your doctor and ask for counselling services. Not all relationships are meant to last whether romantic or friendships or whatever. Two highly toxic people should never be together. Getting in touch again is a BAD idea.

 

You’re right of course. I definitely need therapy of some sort. I think I used to be stable and mentally okay before this relationship. But being with him completely messed up my morals because he manipulated and gaslighted me a lot. I’ve lost my way. And I’ve gotten so used to the pain and toxicity that I crave it now in a very weird way. I’m so sorry to him and myself for continuing the toxic cycle. I am just very messed up. We’re both pretty young and when we broke up he said that we are just very immature but one day when we are more mature we can be friends and he will reach out. But I guess all of that is void because of my actions. Thank you for your advice. It just breaks my heart that it’s like this now. Of course I know it is my own doing and I have to live with the consequences.

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As someone who has been stalked and harassed being the one it is done to is worse. Please stop. It is abuse.

 

Then why are you chasing him? There is no free therapy here or professional diagnoses. You need to see a doctor, a physician, an MD. You have insurance for that. It starts with helping yourself. Reading mystical nonsense on the internet is not the answer to obsessions.

I don’t know why I am chasing him. It’s part of the cycle of toxicity. I’ve gotten so used to the abuse and rejection and pain. Thank you for being harsh and blunt I guess. That’s the only thing that will get it through my delusional head.

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As someone who has been stalked and harassed being the one it is done to is worse. Please stop. It is abuse.

 

He has stopped abusing you at this point now you are just abusing yourself.

Yeah you’re right. I don’t know why I’m like this. I feel like I’ll never get over it and it’s a permanent wound.

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