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On the weekend of mother's day, we went shopping for his mom's gift for when we would see her on Mother's day. We had a great time at her place. As we were leaving, she hugged each of us and told us she loved us. She told him he looked like he was doing better than ever. I had the same thought, about our relationship, that in this point in time we were doing better than we ever had. Didn't know it'd all change in a few short days. Spent Monday telling each other happy we were. Tuesday was spent talking about our goals and plans for the future, all involving bettering ourselves. We were seemingly on the same page with everything. And then Wednesday morning..

 

We both work from home for the same company. Some days are slow for him, and he spent that day cleaning...doing things outside in the yard...and I was working when he walked in the room looking worried, like he had something to say but couldn't. I joked with him and told him to spit it out, he could tell me anything. He almost looked like he wanted to cry and then he told me he'd been talking to his ex girlfriend from 7 years ago. They dated a little over a year. When they broke up, we spent 3 years casually seeing each other (while he healed himself from the fallout of that relationship) and then we made things official. Would have been 4 years living together this October. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and asked if he told her about us. No. So I said I have to focus on work, let's talk about it later. Later comes and he shows me his phone history logs. I notice only one number he was texting at odd hours of the night and ask if that was her. He said yes. Later found out, it was not, it's his mom's number. Then he says he maybe didn't even msg her and was just tripping and read her name. So with his blessing, I messaged her directly..she's in a happy relationship and hasn't spoken to him in years according to her. I try to brush it off and we enjoy the rest of our afternoon and evening alright. We talk about starting a garden and go look at supplies. He's extra lovey and passionate. I think to myself we can maybe work past this.. But as the night comes on, things get really weird..

 

We spend most the night laying in bed together. He's holding me, kissing me, saying everything about how much he loves me and doesn't want to lose me. We talk about our plans to marry in the next couple years. And then I have a moment of hesitation (thinking about earlier) and pull away. He notices. And things shift. He says how can I act like I love him and then act so cold. I explain I'm just in my head and hurt. He walks away and I follow. He tells me I need to leave and asks how can I do that? I asked what? What did I do? And he insists that I know. I explain that I do not. And he says that I put a hit out on him. WHAT? I grab my phone and walk down the street. Call my mom. Concerned, not sure where this is coming from or what to do about it. Also unsure of his state of mind at this point. I finally come back, still talking to her and my step dad. My ex comes in the room I'm in and I end the convo. They call back and he answers. My stepdad tells him to give me my phone. Things calm back down...we go back into the bedroom and he's back to being loving for a while. Then he switches again and tells me he loves his ex 50 and me 50. He says her body is perfect but my mind is WOW. I apologize for not being good enough. He tells me I am pretty and says he maybe he needs to just learn that he doesn't need to everything that looks good. I ask if he things we are meant to be together and he says he knows we are. Then he tells me how we are experiencing two different realities. Not really sure what he's thinking but this is the point I really start to think he's on something. He starts talking about he's trying to save my dad and boss. Next minute, he's offering me an edible and when I decline, he begins accusing me of trying to poison him. Next, he's in the hallway, laying on the floor with his unloaded gun. Bullets laying all around him..building snot and spitting everywhere. Comes back to the room, and spits at me. Tells me he his pants. I leave the room...and he follows, Then says he is an A.I. that I (Elon Musk) has created. That's it, before he grabs his car keys and our ferret and leaves the house. He comes back a few minutes later and as I hear him pull up, I go outside to hopefully stop him from leaving again, or at least grab the ferret. He sees me and flies into reverse, leaving again. I'm scared for them both at this point. I start walking down the road, hoping to see them. I see his car parked and walk over. They're both gone. I search around the area and nowhere to be seen. I go back to the car and to my surprise it's unlocked, keys inside. I get in and drive around town searching. Nothing. I pull over and call his sister and explain what's happened before driving home, hoping to see them there. Instead, a cop car. I pull into my driveway and two cops come up to me. Ask me if I live there and my relation to him. Explain that he's claiming to be on shrooms, that he also claimed to give the ferret shrooms. Claimed he was saying the government was out for him and he threw the ferret like a rag doll at them. They asked me whether I knew if he was under the influence of any drugs. I said I suspected it but had not seen him take anything. They then tell me the ferret was with animal control and my ex was sent to the hospital for evaluation. He also told them the car was stolen and he was supposed to meet someone there...not sure who that person would have been.

 

One of his sisters stop by and we go get the ferret first and then go to the hospital. Due to covid, we were not allowed in to see him but answered their questions. He was there for a day or two before being transferred to have his heart evaluated. During his time at the hospital, I tried many times to speak with him but any time I tried, he would either hang up or tell them he didn't want to talk to me. I couldn't get any updates from the hospital so I was pretty much at his family's mercy. His mom was awesome...let me know all going on, and even let me come over once. We were all a wreck. When he was finally released, I expected to see him or at least hear from him. It didn't happen, and his mom told me he wanted to be with her for a week and wanted to be left alone. I said I respected that and gave him his space. Couple days later he called. Conversation went terrible..he spent 30 minutes accusing me of everything under the sun...asking why I didn't sound like myself, asking why I was breathing heavy, what had I been doing, had I been cleaning? How much had I been driving his car? Had I been doing drugs? Where was his phone and how could I leave him stranded at the hospital without it? I explained I didn't know where it was but offered to look if he wanted. I found it and he asked me to leave it with his wallet, which he had also left behind.

 

Couple days later, he messaged me from a texting app and asked if we could chat. I said sure. Conversation went much better, mostly positive but not relationship talk at all. He said hearing from me was the highlight of his week and reminded me I am amazing and he's lucky I'm in his life. I again thought maybe we could get past all this.

 

Two days later, Friday, I'm hoping he'll be back for the weekend and I get a call asking.me to leave the door unlocked so he can come get some stuff. Devastated me..when he walker through the door, sick of waiting around, I demanded some sort of answer. He doesn't want to talk. I say just answer me three questions...did you ever love me? Yes. Do you love me? No. Are we done? Yes. I tell him that I need to leave then, he has his family supporting him but I have no one there. He doesn't like that and tells me I should stay, to use his car and move my sister out there (she lives in Arkansae, with a daughter and a job). I explain that's just not logical and not going to work and I'd be calling my mom. His only response is he has a doctor's appt Tuesday and maybe we can talk then and he'd maybe text me before then. He does not text me over the weekend and Sunday morning, I leave with my mom. I let him know where the spare key is to the house and lock everything up. Never hear from him til I'm over halfway into the drive. His question then is if I actually left. I said yes. And he states that I need to help him with my half of everything. I am open to it, but we get into it a bit. Things calm down and he tells me he will call me Tuesday when things are calmer and we can talk about it then. Tuesday comes and goes and I never hear from him. Wednesday morning, I shoot him a text and he responds that he doesn't want my help and he'd handle it himself. I reach out a few times after that, offering to help.. Never hear anything back. And to date, now over a month later, that's the last I've heard from him.

 

Well, last Monday after work, I hear from his sister on fb. She's asking me for our landlords number. I give her what info I have. Little bit later, she's asking me if I have any idea who he's continued to talk to or where he might be. He's missing again. Long story shortened, hes found a couple days later about 4 hours from home. Mental break down and possible drugs. He's sent to the hospital and held there again. Been out a few days now, and I've not heard anything from him despite my numerous (pathetic) attempts.

 

I've literally never experienced anything like this in my life. I remember it so vividly and I've replayed it hundreds of times since then and can't make any sense of it. I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions...

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Not sure of any official diagnosis. The first time, drugs were for sure involved but I suspect it was much deeper than that. The second time, I was not around for but I hear those that were suggested he seemed on something then too. Suggestions have been made of psychosis.

 

I didn't call EMS because I had never been in the situation before and honestly didn't see it as having reached a point it was necssary. He was not foaming at the mouth at any point. He was physically building snot and snorting it with intent. He was acting out of character for sure and I suspected he was on shrooms but at no point did he threaten me or himself and he held conversation perfectly fine, despite being totally out therr at times. He's done shrooms plenty in the past before and handled himself fine. I attributed this to a bad trip.

Looking back, sure I would have called but in the moment it just didn't seem like the right call to make.

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Not something that I personally partake in. As for him, very much agreed. I hope he gets himself to a better place mentally and stops turning to drugs as a crutch.

 

Kind of ignorant of you to assume I was fearing arrest over his wellbeing. I explained my thought process and the last thought on my mind was any legal trouble. Hence my honesty with the cops.

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Heartbreaking really :(

There's alot of frustration that I am trying to learn to cope and get through with it all. The animal abuse is obviously at the top of that list.

I also realize too though that he's deserving of the help he needs. I hear he is living with his mom for now and I hope that helps.

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He is too impaired to be in a relationship, whether it's drugs or other psychiatric problems. Being in and out of hospitals is not the same as ghosting.

 

I absolutely agree. His primary focus needs to be on himself and his health. And if I am a trigger in anyway, I recognize that toxicity.

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"I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions... "

 

None of these questions should be his focus right now. He is obviously very mentally ill and he needs to get well. Not be worrying about trying to have a relationship.

 

Did all of this mental illness come out of nowhere? Or has he exhibited signs before?

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"I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions... "

 

None of these questions should be his focus right now. He is obviously very mentally ill and he needs to get well. Not be worrying about trying to have a relationship.

 

Did all of this mental illness come out of nowhere? Or has he exhibited signs before?

 

Thank you for the honesty. When reflecting on it all, I see the same. It's just hard balancing that with how the whole situation left me feeling. Selfish to expect any sort of answers from him, I know. Ultimately, his wellbeing is what matters most to me.

 

I would say for the most part it came out of nowhere. There was never any huge warning signs and this was by far the only time I've seen him act overtly delusional. However, with that said, he always has seemed to have an overly inflated ego, hard to communicate emotionally with at times because he was hardly ever "wrong."

I can also think of one other time in which he was showing abnormal levels of paranoia. In a previous work environment, he'd often come home with stories of how the engineers were deliberately studying and testing him as he seemed to see himself as some sort of superior employee.

His father does have a strong history of these sort of issues too. He's an alcoholic and has been in the hospital numerous times with similar stories of "mental breaks"

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I'm very sorry. Go to group therapy if it helps. I won't comment on his episodes as those are personal. You cannot explain someone else's behaviour or other issues but I'm afraid you will continue to wonder why it happened. This is natural and you're going through a lot of emotions that are very natural. My only advice to you is to hold on to your sanity and take your time healing and making sense of everything. Your trust in people is likely a bit damaged at this point. Find an outlet and a way to talk about your feelings. You've been trying to keep things together for awhile. Whether or not you are a trigger, I'd hit pause on it for awhile and come back to it at some point in your healing. Mother's Day was only in early May. This is less than two months ago. You'll keep feeling waves of helplessness, confusion and anger. Take care of yourself.

 

Be with people who know you and care about you. Are you still with your mum? If you are, I'm glad to hear that. Start immersing yourself again back around the people who love you. Spend time with your mum and engage in conversations with your family and friends. Write if it helps to organize your thoughts. You can write here or you can start a journal. Reconnect with your hobbies. In times of chaos, start rebuilding your connections back to reality.

 

A word of caution also - it is not wrong to still have feelings for your ex and care deeply for his wellbeing. Don't beat yourself up about it and be too hard on yourself. You tried to reach out. It is not pathetic. Take a deep breath and acknowledge your tries and then tell yourself that there are some things you can't change. No matter how much you want them to be different, they aren't and they won't be. Keep engaging with those trusted family and friends around you. You're looking through a lens that may be a little clouded and hazy right now. They'll be your eyes for you for awhile.

 

The clouds will begin to clear. Maybe not in your heart just yet but they will in your mind. Trust in that for now. Give yourself time.

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I don't know what happened. How do things go from so good to totally lost? How does he love me and then totally ghost me without a second thought? How can he put his family through this too? I don't know how to even being to heal without closure, but none of it makes sense and I'm starting to feel like I'll never get the answers to my questions...

 

Because he's not in touch with reality, unfortunately. He isn't thinking rationally or considering how he is behaviour is affecting people around him; he's unable to process anything clearly right now. So you're probably correct that you will never really get the answers you seek, beyond knowing that you were dealing with someone who is not mentally well.

 

It sounds like it is probably a combination of drugs and mental illness. You mentioned previous hints of paranoia, which indicate there was something simmering under the surface there before he boiled over. I have seen this twice, with two people in my life: one is a friend, the other my best friend's step-son. Both were always somewhat easily agitated but otherwise functioning, average folks. Both around the same age (mid 20s) when each suffered what we might call a mental breakdown, and both seemed to strike relatively out of the blue. On both occasions, each person suddenly began making wild, baseless accusations against people close to them and became very paranoid that someone was out to get them. Each person was quite incoherent and not making much sense at all, to the extent that both were drug-tested after being taken to hospital by frightened family. My friend was negative for any sort of substance, while my friend's stepson had been using marijuana (though not much) After multiple evaluations, both were diagnosed with different mental health disorders. In retrospect, family and friends could identify how each might have shown early symptoms of problems but they weren't alarming enough to attract much attention from those around them - until both finally broke. It was scary to watch.

 

Both have been under doctor's care since (a couple years now for each) and are fairly stable now, though I can see times when my friend begins to slip into paranoid thought patterns again. Her family keeps a pretty close eye on her and recognizes when she's not doing well, and try to get her increased care from her doctors. I have to admit that both are no longer in the relationships they had been when they each suffered their breakdowns, and I believe that's for the best. Neither would have been able to sustain a relationship while their treatment was at its most delicate stages. It just wasn't anywhere on their radars in terms of getting healthy again.

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